Demon Alcohol
by dave-d
Summary: Tsunade lectured the shinobi. Jiraiya felt a twinge of conscience. In typical fashion, he set out to help in his own special way. Havoc. Mayhem. Naruto. Kyuubi. Half naked Hinata. Singing Shino. Lots of Lee. And much much more.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

_I don't usually take requests for stories. However, and idea suggested by Nightcrawler2000 in an PM email today got me thinking. He wanted me to write a story where Lee's tendency towards the Drunken Fist was first discovered at a party, and where Hinata would also be found to be a Suiken user, too. Well, while I didn't want to go that route, I did decide to do something somewhat similar._

_The title is a play on words, of course. One based on the name people once used to convey the 'evils' of alcohol._

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Had an enemy chosen that time to strike with a powerful jutsu, it could have destroyed the future of Hidden Leaf village.

Most of the village's younger ninjas sat together in a newly constructed auditorium, along with any senior shin obi who wasn't away on a mission or stationed as a sentry. They all sat quietly for the most part, listening attentively to the speaker standing at o the stage.

"Not every village is like ours," Tsunade said, continuing with her monthly lecture to the assembled shinobi. "Let's say we're in one of the nations to the north. I stop the first adolescent who passes by me on the street and I give him money. When he asks me why, I send him to buy illegal drugs. At the same time, I give you money, and tell you to buy me a hot cross bun. Both of you would probably get back at the same time."

That had the ninjas talking amongst themselves until the Hokage banged on the podium.

"I admit, that _is_ a bit of an exaggeration," Tsunade admitted. "But, you might be shocked to find it isn't really all that far from the truth. Despite the efforts of good people in other villages, drugs are available everywhere. Across all socioeconomic levels. In the ninja academies, in the trade schools, and at the work place. A recent survey secreted from the a high source in Amegakuretells a very worrisome tale."

"**Hey, Granny Tsunade!" **Naturally, that was Naruto. At least he raised his hand. He was getting better. "Why are you telling that to _us? _Nobody in Konoha has trouble with drugs. It's hard enough for a shinobi to stay alive as it is. Everybody _I_ know wants to fight at their best!"

"You might be right," Tsunade said, one eyebrow twitching at the interruption. "Then again, you can only know so many people. The same goes for any one of us." She didn't intend to get the audience to begin feeling suspicious about everyone around them. But, take Naruto. He knew the members of Teams Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai very well, along with his own Team. But, from his own year, that meant he had spent time with the members of Teams Seven, Eight, and Ten. He had relatively little contact with Teams One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, and Nine. Not only that, but how well could anyone _truly_ know their teammates? Who would have expected Uchiha Sasuke to run off with the Sound Four and make his way to Orochimaru? Early on, who would have expected Orochimaru to go as rotten as he had?

"But the people we know are _good_ people," Sakura claimed. She truly believed that. Hadn't they fought enough bad people to know the difference? "They all have good parents." That is, those who still had both their parents. That certainly wasn't everyone. She hung her head, thinking of Sasuke.

"The people in Kumogakure, Kusagakure, Kirigakure, and other villages think the same thing," the Hokage replied. "None of them want to suspect their family, friends, or fellow villagers." She looked around the room, wondering how many of the shinobi might have substance abuse problems. She wanted to believe that they were all clean, but had to be realistic. In any case, the whole purpose of the talk was to make them all think. "In some nations, the average age of first drug use among the civilain population is thirteen. In their villages, over fifty percent of civilian teenagers have tried drugs. About one in three have tried a drug other than marijuana." She still had a hard time believeing those figures. "Drug use amonst shinobi is much less, as you might expect. But, the numbers are climbing there as well."

"**Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h**…." Lee stood up, eyes ablaze, standing in one of his characteristic poses. "I cannot believe that is true. The burning light of youth cannot be that dim!" Despite everything that he had been through growing up, teased because his inability to perform genjutsu and ninjutsu, he always tried to see the good in people.

"I am not making things up," Tsunade said firmly. "In Getsugakure, nearly one civilian school senior out of sixteen will have tried cocaine or crack. One third of fourth-graders will succumb to peer pressure and try alcohol or marijuana. The drug use amongst girls is almost as high as that amongst boys." She sighed. It was a sad fact of life. Things had changed so much from when she was a Genin. "In the past, in other nations, a drug addict was seen as a degenerate. Now, in the media, drug use is seen as something routinely done at social gatherings or parties. No one wants to listen to authority figures. All they care about is fast-living and big-money. Sex. Drugs. Alcohol. Everything." She paused, looking over the crowd, making certain she had their attention. "Shinobi are by no means excluded."

The Hokage did not mention the fact that she and the elders did their best to exploit the growing issues in enemy villages. As a medical ninja, her actions sometimes left her feeling sick, wanting to reach for a bottle. How ironic was that? But, as the leader of the Hidden Leaf village's ninjas, she needed to do whatever was necessary to keep her people safe. Drug abusers and alcoholics made good informants, when they weren't spies posing as such. The most she could do was to convince the elders that they should pay their stool pigeons with money, not drugs and alcoholic beverages. There was only so far she was willing to go.

"The whole topic is bothersome," Shikamaru grumped. He didn't do any of those things, and could see no logical reason why anyone _else_ would want to. He only knew three people with addictions. Choji, with food. Naruto, with ramen. And Hinata, with Naruto. His frown deepened when Ino shushed him. He shook his head when Choji offered him a snack bag for the umpteenth time.

"So, _why_ are more youths turning to drugs?" Tsunade asked. She answered her own question. "One reason is lack of self-discipline, leading to a lack of internal control and responsibility. This is becoming a growing problem in families who have lost parents in skirmished and large scale wars." None of the Hidden villages, or the other towns with heavy ninja populations, was immune to the sad facts of battle. "Other children lack motivation, or spend a lot of time dwelling on unhappiness, dissatisfaction, depression, anxiety, and boredom. Those kinds of feelings are seen in teenagers who have a negative picture of themselves, and see everyone else their age as being better. You'd think that ninjas by their very nature would be immune to many of those troubles. They're not."

"I'm... I'm feeling better about myself..." Hinata rubbed her fingers together . "I would never let myself get involved in something wrong_." _She had once felt very badly about herself. But, thanks to one special person in particular, she managed to see herself in a much better life. She wouldn't have fallen into that kind of trap, would she, if Naruto hadn't helped her like herself more?

"Many of the people with problems have trouble socializing," Tsunade added. "They don't have many friends, and the friends they do have are friends only in a superficial sense. They feel isolated from everyone around them. Some will do anything to fit in, or to get attention."

"Soundlike someone we used to know?" Kiba said to Shino, looking back at Naruto. He used to make fun of the other boy, until the village's noisiest ninja had beat him at the Chuunin exams, and started earning his respect. Learning about his friend's life prior to the Academy, he had begun seeing his own hardships in a different light.

Naruto scratched at the back of his head. Tsunade's last remarks had him thinking back to his earliest memories. He was so lucky to have good friends now. For a long time, there had been no one to love and no one he could trust. Much of his time had been spent acting up, trying to get someone to notice him. No, it hadn't been drugs and alcohol for him. It had been paint brushes and the stone Hokage faces. Would he have tumbled to drug use, had that kind of thing been made available to him? He doubted it. But, there had been times when he hated everything about his life, and had been looking for some kind of escape.

"There can be any number of reasons why teenagers abuse drugs or alcohol," the Hokage said. "One universal reason is experimentation. For example, in Yukigakure, almost all civilian teenagers try either alcohol or drugs. In most cases, where the person is only experimenting, the behavior goes away. If it does not, the experimentation is followed by occasional use. If that continues, it gives way to regular use. Regular use often leads to dependence." She was very glad that the numbers of patients in her clinic with the latter problem was very small. "Peer pressure is a powerful force, too. Some youths feel a need for rebellion. Others suffer from a severe lack of self-confidence. For many people, drinking alcohol makes it easier to relate to their peers, or to members of the opposite sex."

"Does Shino _have_ an opposite sex?" Naruto said that to Sakura, knowing it would rile her up. She was sitting there with one of her superior looks, and that irked him no end. "I mean, does anyone know what sex he really _is?"_

"**Naruto!" **Sakura shouted before she realized she had raised her voice. "**You jerk!"**

"Sakura," the Hokage said, her voice snapping like a whip. "I don't think any of us here need a demonstration on the difficulty that some girls might have relating to boys." The vein at one corner of her forehead began pulsating. Sakura should know better. Then again, thinking back to her own past, she remembered how hard it had been to keep her cool around one particular teammate.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Ma'am…." She slid down in her seat. The look she gave Naruto promised payback. Her 'Inner Sakura' turned beet red with embarrassment, before seeping into a crack in her imagination.

"She's _so_ predictable," Naruto said to Sai, feeling a bit guilty at the results. He hadn't meant for Sakura to call out. Sai simply closed his eyes and smiled. It was funny, Naruto talking about someone being predictable. Sometimes his orange-clad teammate was the most predictable person on earth. At other times, even the gods must have trouble guessing what he might do.

"Just like we have no need for anyone instigating trouble." Tsunade's eyes pinned Naruto to his seat the way a butterfly is pinned to a collector's board. "This is a very serious topic. It is _not _a laughing matter. Anyone who I think is making light of things will stay for private lectures." She didn't want to sound too hard-assed about any of this, since that might end up defeating the purpose of it all. On the other hand, it was never in a Hokage's best interest to allow _any_ kind of insurrection, no matter how small. And, she could not play favorites, regardless of how fond she might be of the perpetrator.

Sakura pulled down one eyelid and stuck out her tongue at Naruto. That had him crossing his arms and looking away. But, he soon smiled, seeing Sai draw a remarkable likeness of Sakura on his omnipresent sketch pad. He would have copies made, and would post them on the lamp posts about town.

"Where _was_ I?" Tsunade tapped a finger against her cheek. "Oh. Yes. Some teens will get involved with drugs or alcohol to mask their feelings of depression. Others will do the opposite. They will get involved because the substances make them feel good." She scowled, looking to the back of the room. Damn. Just what she needed to see. For some reason, Jiraiya had blown back into town. He was standing at the back of the auditorium, leaning against the wall. "Being a shinobi of the Leaf requires discipline. It requires motivation and obedience. It requires confidence, good interaction amongst teammates, and the ability to put others first. As long as you all possess those characteristics, you will be less likely to fall into the traps that have caught so many others." She paused again. "It is very important that you have good examples in your life."

Jiraiya shook his head. No doubt there was a personal message there, just for him. While he was not a plaster saint, he was not a deviant either. Well. At least, not when it came to drugs or alcohol. Yes, he imbibed more than his share of Sake. But, he never let it get in the way of being a great ninja. Right? That's what counted, wasn't it? Besides, a little sake here or there helped with his research!

"_Huh?" _Naruto tugged at one ear and turned around. Squinting, he pointed, eyes going wide again. **"Hah! Ero-Sennin!" **The Legendary Sannin had taught him a great deal, even though he did not always show evidence of what he had learned. But, at the same time, he had been about the worst example possible, when it came to boozing and wenching. "He wasn't a very good example!"

"Don't call me that," Jiraiya said under his breath. He frowned and clenched his fists, fighting the urge to summon a large frog and have the thing shoot out its tongue, wrap it around the blasted boy, and smack his bottom repeatedly on the floor. After all he had done for that brat!

Her introductory comments done, the Hokage went on to focus on the topic of alcohol. The members of the crowd were all Genin and above. But, she had also begun giving similar lectures to Academy students, knowing how important it was to get the message out before children reached their teenage years. It was not a comfortable topic for some parents to give, just like many fathers and mothers had trouble discussing the birds and the bees. But, it was too important a topic to ignore altogether, in case the young shinobi and shinobi-to-be didn't get that message at home.

"I hope that those of you who lead your own groups will serve as councilors wherever and whenever necessary." Tsunade hadn't needed to be told such things when she was younger. Either had Orochimaru. But, she couldn't help but wonder how Jiraiya might have turned out had Sarutobi discouraged his habits, rather than reinforcing some of them. "If you _do_, don't mount personal attacks, deliver sermons, or hold some big team meeting to discuss the subject. I'm doing that today, only as a starting point. For you, instead of taking a 'big talk' approach, I suggest that you look for opportunities in everyday conversations to develop a dialogue with your students. Keep the lines of communication open, without resorting to any kind of condemnation." She sounded every bit the leader, standing there. But, having spent many nights in bars and gambling houses, she felt a bit hypocritical saying what she did next, even though she had cleaned up her act after donning the tri-corner hat. "There's one very important thing to remember. Teengers see everything. So, you can't just preach the message, you have to _live_ it. You need to be that good example I mentioned earlier." She looked back at her fellow Sannin again. "Even if you made mistakes when you were younger, you can show them that you learned from your mistakes."

Standing there, Jiraiya felt a twinge of conscience. He had _not _served as a good example for Naruto. Before, when they were together, that fact never really bothered him. After all, as great a man as Sarutobi had been, he still had his vices. And, hadn't Jiraiya taught Yondaime? The Fourth had been a fine figure of a man! But, what if Kakashi was right, and Naruto had the potential to surpass Konoha's Yellow Flash? He hadn't started the boy down some bad path with his 'Do as I say not as I do' attitude, had he?

The Frog Hermit stood there lost in thought as Tsunade's voice droned in his ears. As he dealt with his own inner demons, the Hokage continued speaking about the demon alcohol. She didn't bother using the argument that trying a 'milder' drug like alcohol means that the user will soon be shooting heroin. None of the ninjas in the audience would be scared by that kind of domino theory, because they would never have seen it happening in real life. Instead of scary theories, she gave them facts. She informed them of the medical risks. She told them how an impaired ninja was a great risk to himself and to the ones who depended on him. That was easy enough to understand, seeing how much could happen in the blink of an eye, when shinobi battled shinobi. The slightest bit of hesitation, disorientation, or distraction could mean the difference between success or failure, and life or death.

By the time the talk had finished, Jiraiya had already left the building. He waved a hand around his head, as if he were swatting away gnats. He wasn't. It was that damned conscience again. Naruto had never really had a father figure. In a way, Jiraiya had been that for him during their time together. He smiled, remembering the times he had split a popsicle with the boy, or did something else that had strengthened the bonds oftheir relationshop. He really was fond of the young scamp. Fond, and very proud. Naruto carried a heavy burden, and had been through some very tough times. Just the same, that indomitable spirit continued to shine through.

"_Hmm-mm-m_…." The Frog Hermit scratched under one armpit, making a face as he pondered an idea that struck him. Tsunade had given a rather comprehensive talk. Just the same, even though she had prefaced things in many ways, it all still sounded too clinical. It still might work. But, there was room for improvement. No. Not improvement, actually. Practical experience. "I have just the thing."

One of Jiraiya's favorite cocktails was called a 'Green Demon'. It combined three parts Bacardi LimÛn and one part Pisang Ambon mixed with a lemon-lime carbonated beverage, poured over a glass packed with ice. He had also downed more than his fair share of a Wakatake sake bottled under the name "Onikoroshi,' which means 'the Demon Slayer.' But, that was neither here nor there. He wasn't concerned about a drink named after a demon, or a bottle with the word 'demon' on the label. No. He needed to literally dig up something from his past. A demon _in_ a bottle.

Paying a farmer a few coins, he pulled himself up onto the back of a hay cart leaving the village. At one point along the road, he hopped down and shielded his eyes from the sun. Yes. It was in that direction. One of the areas that the Third used to take them to train, before he was named Hokage. The forest would give way to an old ruined settlement from long ago. There was a deep and dry well there, one that he had fallen down after one particularly strong punch from Tsunade. He had found something there. When he later grew tired of it, he returned it from whence it came.

"It's not like anyone really fears that Yamata no Orochi will get lose again." Jiraiya made his way past crumbling stone huts and a small graveyard. He wondered what life had been like for the inhabitants of the small village, one that had been attacked by the great Bijuu much the way that Konoha had been ravaged by Kyuubi. "But, it was best that I left the bottle there, just in case." It hadn't entirely been his decision. Tsunade had broken one of his arms and three of his ribs when he misused the ancient artifact.

As a learned man and traveler, the perverted Sannin had heard many tales. One legend had Orochi being slain by the god Susanoo. As the story had it, the great monster was supposed to have ravaged a faraway province, demanding virgin sacrifices. He shrugged. "What was wrong with that?" He wished that he could do the same, just in a different way. When Susanoo was making his way through the unfortunate land, he met an old couple. They told him that their daughter Kushinada was to be sacrificed to the horrid beast, following in the footsteps of her seven late sisters. He fell in love with the girl, and promised to rescue her, if the parents would give him her hand in marriage.

Naturally, the old couple agreed. Susanoo turned Kushinada into a comb and put her in his hair. He then put out eight barrels of sake which the dragon drank with great glee, causing the evil creature to fall asleep. He then proceeded to cut off all of Orochi's heads and found the sword _Ame-no-Murakumo _in one of the serpent's many tails. In other versions of the tale, the sword was called _Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi_, 'The Grass-Cutting Sword', and was given to Amaterasu, Susanoo's sister, as a gift of reconciliation.

Yes, many myths and legends had some basis in truth. That had Jiraiya feeling a pang of sadness, which he quickly brushed away. Thinking of the Grass Cutting sword had him thinking of Orochimaru. The other Sannin's sword had nothing to do with the real Orochi, the strongest of the Bijuu after Kyuubi. Rubbing his nose, he wondered if his former teammate might have been named after that eight-headed monstrosity.

"Although, the drink in the bottle _did_ knock old Snake Face for a loop," the Frog hermit said, reminiscing. The drink he spoke of resided in the bottle he was after. Stopping at the remains of the old well, he performed _Kuchiyose No Jutsu _and summoned a large toad. Wrapping its tongue around his waist, he had the giant amphibian lower him into the dark depths. After moving around a number of boulders the size of his head, he felt something smooth and cold. Yes. It was the item he was after. Tugging on the tongue, he was hoisted back out into the light.

"Yo... Susubori… long time no see." Jiriya used the corner of his long robes to brush the dirt and dust off of the green glass bottle. It was large, nearly as tall as he was, done up with fancy whorls and ridges of an art long forgotten. He couldn't help but wonder just how old the container was. "I have a better use for you _this_ time."

Amanojaku are a type of Japanese demon. While they show up less frequently in stories than oni and other yokai do, they were real while the others were the products of man's imagination. Likewise, they were very different than the Bijuu and other creatures that were considered demons in this day and age. The 'Imps of Heaven' had once run free, spreading their mischief wherever they pleased. But, some unknown forces had sealed them all away, putting them in numerous places, like the demonic faces carved on armor, or the footstools of great rulers. Susubori was just such a demon, and had been placed in the bottle. No, not in the liquid it contained, but in the very glass itself. As a bottle, he was beautiful. In his natural form he had been squat and ugly, able to change his shape into anything he chose.

"I hope you don't hold any grudges." While Jiraiya hadn't put the demon down the well in the first place, he _had_ returned the bottle there after making some use of the demon's powers. But, in a lifespan reaching eons, what was a few decades? Besides, while some amanojaku served as protectors, most were pranksters by nature. The expected to get as good as they gave. "Well, I'm glad to hear that." The demons were also telepathic. The one in the bottle was simply glad to have something to do other than sit buried under a heavy layer of stone. "You _will_ get a chance to use your special talents again."

In reality, it had been Susubori who had played a major role in the capture of the real Orochi in years long past. And, it had been Susubori who had allowed a reckless young Genin to play tricks on his teammates, back in the day when Tsunade was relatively flat-chested, and Orochimaru had yet to delve into forbidden jutsu. One of the great abilities of the demon was to create a never-ending supply of liquor within its bottle. Another ability left that liquor with a very special property. It would taste like something other than an alcoholic beverage, usually taking on the flavor of the persons' favorite beverage.

That was a very useful effect. Better yet, Susubori could influence the actions of anyone drinking the liquid, much the way that the alcohol itself might do. Thinking back to just such a time, Jiraiya chuckled, picturing Orcochimaru with a beatific smile on his face, flapping his wings like a butterfly, running and leaping in a field of yellow tulips. That had been classic. Unfortunately, Tsunade seemed to immune to the effects of the drink and the demon. His attempt at getting her to do a sexy strip tease was what had earned him his beating that time.

"Yes, there will be _plenty _of people to fool, this time." Jiraiya strapped the bottle alongside his huge scroll case. It was time to head back to Hidden Leaf village. "But… now… it's for a good cause." While mischievous, Susubori was one of the amanojaku that drew the line at cruel and mean-spirited tricks. He was in the minority. "There are some young men and women who need to learn about the evils of alcohol." Just the thought of alcohol had the Sannin shaking his purse. Good, there were plenty of coins left. In honor of his reunion with the demon, he would buy a mixed drink called amanojaku sake, which was made up of sake dregs, sugar, water, and salt. He was sure that Susubori would see the humor in it.

Trudging along as the sun slowly dipped below the horizon, the perverted hermit held an ongoing psychic conversation with the demon. He never ceased to be amazed at how many things Susubori had seen in his days, before he had taken up his long residence in the well. But, as good a 'talker' as he might be, the demon proved to be a poor listener. Or, maybe it was merely the it was the subject of the stories the Frog hermit chose to tell.

"And then, there was this woman with breasts the size of large honeydews…." Jiraiya didn't care if the demon listened or not. It was a long walk. He felt like talking. In a way, this was better than sharing his knowledge and stories in the _Icha Icha _books. Susubari would remember the tales as long as he existed. "Hey! Susubori! Do you know any dirty limericks?" If the demon did know any naughty poetry or stories, he could gather up plenty of material for a new book.

Finally, long after most of the village had long since gone to sleep, the tired old hermit made his way through the Great gate of Konoha. Nodding to the ninjas on sentry duty, he yawned and gave up the idea of getting anything to wash down the dust of his travels. There was a bed with his name on it.

"Tomorrow, I will find out what I can." He wanted to know when Naruto and his friends were going to hold their next party.


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of clacking heels grew louder and then faded away, like the cyclical noise coming from massed cicadas.

Jiraiya watched as the women walked away, their nicely fitting clothes marking them as clerical types. Sighing when they passed from view, he turned his attention back to the schedules posted on the bulletin board.

"Things are too damn regimented," Jiraiya said, pouting. "Whatever happened to free will?" In actuality, he had no reason to complain. The very fact that the time for social gatherings was scheduled allowed him to get the information he needed.

After snacking on garlic root and fried chicken, the Legendary Sannin had made good use of his _Tōton Jutsu_, the Transparent Escape Technique. It had almost come to a bad end, because of the order he had done things that morning. Essentially invisible, he had managed to sneak into the Women's baths. But, the garlic on his breath had caught the naked bathers' attention.

"But, I managed to get plenty of research done, _right_, Susubori?" Having learned what he wanted to know, Jiraiya made his way out of the Administration building and headed out onto the street. He had a fair bit of time to kill. "Just think how much fun we might have had, if I thought to keep you with me all those years." He had poured some of the demon bottle's liquid into the water cooler at the baths. Spurting nose blood caused him to leave, after he had the woman performing a nude chorus line.

The perverted hermit had intended to keep the amanojaku with him as long as he could. But, when the perfect opportunity arose, he knew he had to strike while the iron was hot. There was a party arranged for that night, one of the events put on for the young shinobi as a way to allow them some sheltered time to socialize. There was no doubt that Naruto would go, if only to see his friends. That very same ninja was walking down the street towards Jiraiya, with a 'I have to get some Ramen' look on his face.

"This should be easy," Jiraiya said, rubbing his hands together. While Naruto was not the most gullible of people, he could be fooled. And, while he was wise enough to suspect danger in the appropriate settings, he was all too trusting around friends. As long as he didn't arouse the boy's suspicions, getting him to take the bottle ought to be a piece of cake. "If I try to hide the bottle, he will want to know what it is. If I tell him he can't have a taste, he will beg me to give him some."

In ancient courts and palaces, the word 'amanojaku' had once been applied to anyone who was contrary. It was a name given to someone who constantly took actions opposite to whatever others said or intended. That usage arose because of the tendencies some of the more mischievous spirits had, and because of the psychic abilities they possessed. Knowing what a person wanted to do or say, a spiteful amanojaku would prompt the contrary statement or deed, frustrating the person who had fallen under its power. In the modern day, the same term might be appropriate for Uzumaki Naruto, the boy who had a demon of his own to contend with.

"_Hmmm-mm-m_?" The Frog hermit rubbed his chin, as he took up a stance at the one spot Naruto was certain to walk past. 'In a way, the boy is a bottle.' While Naruto didn't have a cork, he did keep the Nine-tailed Bijuu bottled up. But, that was not always a sure thing, as the older ninja had found out on one occasion, when Naruto had first manifested his four-tailed form. "Hah! That makes this symbolic or something!" He smiled. It must be a sign that this was the right thing to do. Then again, when did he ever care about signs, or the right thing to do?

"**Oi! Pervy Sage!"** Naruto had obviously caught sight of his mentor. Smiling, the enthusiastic ninja marched over to see his former teacher. Just the same, when he got within a few steps, he made certain to keep his body turned a certain way, so that his Frog Purse was always on the side opposite the notorious money filcher. "Want to treat me to some Ramen?" It never hurt to try. Jiraiya wasn't always a tight wad. And, he had seen the Sannin's bank book!

"No way, brat!" Jiraiya smiled. Turn-about's fair play. When Naruto tried to see what was strapped to the older ninja's back, the old hermit kept turning his body to keep the bottle shielded from view. "Though, if you're good, I _might_ get you a popsicle later."

"**Hey! Ero-Sennin. Stay still!"** Naruto was scowling now. He was like a fish that didn't know it had swallowed a hook along with the worm. "What's that on your back? Are you trying to hide something?"

"Huh? Me? Hide something?" Jiraiya put both hands behind his neck, while he began a series of comical looking steps and stances. His plan was working like a charm. If the boy did what he expected him to, there would be a number of Bunshin running around any second enough. "You should know me better than that."

"_Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!"_ Sure enough, Naruto did just what the Frog hermit had predicted. **"Hah! I see it! A big bottle!" **His shoulders slumped. That really wasn't all that interesting. So what, if the perverted hermit was buying his sake by the gallons now? Big deal! "Why did you go to all the trouble to keep me from seeing _that?"_

"Well, if it _was_ alcohol, maybe I wouldn't want you to see it, after Tsunade's stirring lecture." Jiraiya folded his arms across his chest and put on a serious face. "But, this is something _much_ better."

"Huh? What's better?" Naruto tugged at one ear. His curiosity was definitely piqued. "I think you'd bathe in sake if it didn't cost so much!"

"I tried that once," Jiraiya claimed. "It turned my plums into prunes for a while." He smirked when a matronly old lady heard what he had said upon passing. "Don't bother asking me to taste this stuff. I spent far too much money for it, to waste it on someone like you. You probably wouldn't even like it." Yes. If curiosity didn't do the trick, he would use pride too. "I bet it would be a great ingredient in Ramen soup, though." Mentioning food wouldn't hurt, either.

"It _would?"_ Naruto licked his lips. **"Come on! Just one sip. You can forget about the Ramen and popsicle." **He looked predictably eager.

"_Mmmm-mmm-mm-m_…." Jiraiya rubbed his chin. He pretended to ponder the request. "Well…." He took down the bottle, set it on the sidewalk, and stood staring at it for a short while. He kept from grinning. Naruto was shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "One sip." He unscrewed to top, tilted the bottle over, and used the large ornate cap as a makeshift shot glass. "As long as you promise not to tell anyon_e_ _else_ about this."

"**Promise!"** Naruto reached out and took the cap. "I won't tell _anyone._ That's my Way of the Ninja!" He looked down at the colorless liquid, wondering what it would taste like. Unable to wait any longer, he brought the cap to his lips and drank. "Wow! I've never tasted anything like this before."

"I bet you haven't," Jiraiya said with a satisfied chuckle. Mission accomplished. Susubori's special abilities would now make sure that Naruto's mind was no longer his own, at least when it came to the subject of the bottle. "It's a rather rare vintage." He saw the boy nod his head, a slightly goofy expression on his face. "Something like this would be great to mix in with the punch at a party, don't you think?"

"Great," Naruto said, smiling, his countenance somewhat clouded. "Punch." He licked his lips. For a moment, he seemed somewhat stiff, like a zombie. **"You bet!"** His liveliness returned. "Thanks, Ero-Sennin!" The demon exerted its influence, causing Naruto to think that he remembered Jiraiya saying he could take the tall ornate bottle. There was also a strong subliminal message implanted in his mind. The punch. He had to put the bottle's contents in the punch. At that night's party, he would help mix the punch.

"Don't mention it," the Frog Hermit said. "Just bring me back the bottle when you're done." He frowned. "And I told you not to call me that!" The damn demon should know better, too.

When Naruto hurried towards his dormitory, the effects of the demon liquid masking his growing hunger, Jiraiya decided to hit one of the social clubs that stood in the seediest part of Konoha. Not many shops like that remained in this village, which was one of the reasons he frequented his home town less and less each year.

He would need to monitor his time there carefully. There was no way that he wanted to miss that night's events. With his Transparent jutsu in use, he would be the ultimate fly on the wall. Hopefully, there wouldn't be any chaperons. There were a small number of people who could see through his technique. Of course, Tsunade just had to be one of them! At least _she_ wouldn't be showing up. He had checked. She had a full dance card when it came to surgical cases.

Following his pleasant interlude of debauchery, Jiraiya later headed off for the Recreation Center, watching as a number of shop owners began closing up their businesses for the evening. He strode along steadily, despite feeling a bit tipsy. Getting an advanced telepathic message form Susubori, he grinned. Naruto had managed to add the demon liquor to the punch bowl without being seen. As instructed by his puppeteer, the boy had gotten to the party site long before his fellow shinobi.

"I deserve this," the Frog hermit said with a laugh. "The lesson that I'll teach them tonight about the perils of alcohol will stick with them the rest of their lives." The ensuing antics would also make a wonderful subject matter for the _Icha Icha_ series, with the names changed to protect the innocent, of course. Naturally, the prospect of such juicy material had no bearing on his decision making process. None at all. That was his story and he was sticking to it! "Of course, some brave soul will need to take responsibility for spiking the punch…."

Arriving at the Rec Center, he snuck into the large room set up for the party. His one major concern was the Inuzuka boy. If he had brought that over-sized dog along, the Transparent jutsu might prove useless. Luckily, the site in question turned out to be a canine-free environment. Looking around the room, the old hermit shook his head in amazement. Someone had obviously gone to a great deal of trouble setting things up. There were huge folding tables, covered with all sorts of food. Fresh cut flowers were everywhere. Festive music was playing on hidden speakers, and the fragrant scent of the flowers mixed with the delectable smell of the food to make a rather heady aroma.

Dozens of shinobi were lounging about, dressed in casual attire, speaking with their teammates and closest friends, or taking the opportunity to meet with members of the Teams that they rarely interacted with. There were no visible chaperons, and no stealthy ninjas were patrolling the facilities. Perfect! Better yet, a large fountain type punch bowl had been placed at one end of the food tables. It was filled to the brim with drink, and a large steady procession of party-goers walked over to it and used ladles to fill their cups.

"I want you to make the ones who drink the punch glow in a way that only I can see," the Frog Hermit said. Tonight's rule of business was 'Everybody drinks!' If anyone stayed away from the flavorful concoction, he would have Susubori control one of the other guests, and have them convince the abstinent teenager to at least try the stuff. All it would take was a single drop on a person's tongue for the demon to grab a foothold. "That reminds me. Did you follow my earlier instructions?" He waited for the telepathic response. "Good." He was well aware of the bushy eye-browed boy's reaction to alcohol. The amanojaku had altered the liquid that Rock Lee drank, to keep it from affecting him until the moment was right. The last thing he wanted was a berserk demonstration of the Drunken Fist, chasing everyone from a ruined venue. But, that might make for quite a show-stopper later on!

Now, all he had to do was decide how to get things started. Later, he would let things take a random and crazy course. But, for now, in the beginning, he had an urge to take a more personal approach. What should he have the demon do? With a room full of unsuspecting marionettes, there were so many strings that he could pull. Wait. _That _deserved his attention. Naruto was trying to get the Haruno girl's attention, but she was ignoring him at the moment. Not too far away, the Hyuuga girl kept eyeing Naruto, looking as if she was about to faint. Perfect. That trio was ripe for the picking. All he needed now was some inspiration.

"Hah! That's a wonderful idea. I should have thought of that myself." Jiraiya grinned, his eyes sparkling with a wicked light. "The story is a legend. Tonight's performance may end up being even _more_ legendary." The demon had picked up on the Sannin's thoughts back when he had retrieved the bottle. The subject of Susanoo and Amaterasu suggested a rather bawdy plan. Rather bawdy _indeed!_

"Here, Hinata." Naruto walked over and handed the white-eyed girl a glass of punch. Controlled by Susubori and Jiraiya, he said "It's rather sweet. Just like you." That had the girl teetering on her feet like a tree close to falling. The Sannin smiled. He had suggested those words to the demon. The poor girl deserved something like that. See, he wasn't some kind of evil self-centered ogre. He had everyone's best interests at heart! "Drink up!" After Hinata drank, Naruto walked over to stand near Sakura. She was on her third glass of punch.

The Frog Hermit reviewed what he knew about the myth that Susubori had chosen as its inspiration. Susanoo and Amaterasu were said to have a very strong bond between them, even though they rarely agreed on even the smallest thing, and could never tolerate the presence of the other for any length of time. That sounded a lot like Naruto and Sakura back when they were younger. They still had their moments now, even though things had gotten much better.

Naruto had some of the characteristics of the Storm god, who had been known affectionately as The Impetuous Male, because he loved to move quickly, and had the uncanny ability to create chaos and noise wherever he went. Sakura didn't quite fit the role of the Sun goddess, who was said to be gentle and loving. That sounded more like Hinata. But, the perverted hermit had a different role picked out for the quiet girl.

_As the legend went, Susanoo went up to the heavenly realm to visit his Amaterasu. He was preparing to make the long frightful journey to the underworld to meet with his long-dead mother, and he was a little afraid of making the trip. He had heard terrible tales of the horrors he would find along the way, and wondered if he would be changed forever, or even if he would return at all. He thought that spending time around the wise and comforting Amaterasu would help give him the peace of mind he needed to push ahead._

_Moving with great haste through the sky, the Storm god caused left earth-shaking thunder in his turbulent wake, disturbing rivers and mountains and sending every living creature running for shelter. Even the Sun goddess was frightened by all of the noise, greeting the other deity with disdain. _'_Why do you disturb the peace of our kingdom, Susa? Surely, you have more than enough activity in your own kingdom!' Amaterasu thought about her previous quarrels with Susanoo, and hoped to be able to prevent any unpleasantness by putting up a strong facade. That was hardly the reaction that the god had been hoping to find. _

"Let's start from the beginning," Jiraiya said.

"**Oi! Sakura-chan!"** Naruto pushed his way through the crowd, coming to a stop near his pink-haired teammate. His voice could be heard over the raucous noise of the party. **"Sakura-chan, are you listening?"** As he brushed by Ino, Ten Ten, and a number of girls he didn't know, he stepped on feet, elbowed people in the abdomen, knocked plates out of hands, and had a number of young ladies swallowing their food the wrong way. Needless to say, the occurrence wasn't too far out of the ordinary. At least, not yet.

"Naruto, why don't you go bother someone _else." _Sakura's rejoinder was believable, if a bit harsh for her these days. "It's peaceful over here. Why don't you go join the noisy crew over in the corner?" She pointed over to where Kiba was telling off-color jokes to a number of laughing boys.

_After hearing Amaterau's less than inspiring greeting, Susanoo had tried to smooth things over with courtly speech. 'O, radiant, fair goddess, I wish you no harm. My only desire is your warm company, a glimpse of your lovely face, and a few pleasant words before I descend to the underworld to find my esteemed mother.' That answer had the Sun goddess feeling better, but she knew Susanoo too well to take any comfort yet. She decided that she wanted proof of his good intentions. After thinking a moment, she proposed that he two of them should work together, putting their efforts towards the creation of children who would rule the blessed land in a wise and honorable fashion. The Storm god agreed, hoping that Amaterasu would allow him to stay by her side afterwards, giving him the chance to gain the courage necessary to make the trek below._

"What?" Naruto made a sour face, narrowing his eyes as he placed his hands on his hips. He wanted to say 'Boy, you're getting crabbier every day, just like Granny Tsunade.' But, that wasn't entirely true. And, it would probably earn him one of those Sakura punches, Those were nothing to be taken too lightly! But, that wasn't why he held his tongue. It was almost as if he wasn't in control of his own body. That was closer to the truth than he had reason to suspect. "I just wanted to see if you felt OK after training. Kakashi-sensei worked us hard today." He shuffled his feet and looked up at the ceiling. He made it a point to examine the fancy hand-painted tiles before saying "And… well… I just wanted to say how nice you look in that dress…." That was true. But, normally, he would never admit such a thing!

"Naruto?" Sakura swallowed any angry retort she was preparing to use. "Is that _you?" _She blinked rapidly. It wasn't someone doing _Henge, _was it? "Th-… Th-… Thank you." She was so shocked by his compliment, that she was actually stammering! What's more, she felt some warmth spread to her cheeks. But, knowing him all too well, she soon stiffened. This still might be some kind of trick.

"Naruto-kun…." Hinata felt as if the room had grown empty, with only Naruto, Sakura, and herself left behind. It seemed like everything around her was black, except for a spotlight that shone on those other two ninjas.

"Naruto? And the big forehead girl?" Ino smiled, seeing a prime opportunity for gossip. "I guess that kind of thing happens when two people work so closely together." That was actually wishful thinking on her part. She looked over at Shikamaru, who stood over with Choji.

"I _hope_ so," Ten Ten blurted out. That was not at any prompting from the demon. "I mean… I could see how that could happen…." She fought the temptation to look over at Neji, who stood watching Lee as he spoke to a group of shinobi about 'Burning youth.'

"But not with _him." _Naruto didn't know the red-haired kunoichi who said that. It was obvious that she had heard something about him, even if it was from his younger days. "What a loser." Some of her friends laughed with her after hearing that. "He was a joke to us, back when he first made Genin." One of her friends quipped "I hear he's _still_ Genin." That had them all tittering again. This time, it was the amanojaku's doing.

"Huh?" Naruto made a fierce face. "What!" Even though he had matured during his time away from the village, he still didn't like being made fun of. "Who are _you_ to make fun of me like that?" He wished that they were at the practice fields, not in the Rec Center. He'd show that mouthy girl who's a joke. He looked over at Sakura. Teammates should stick together. She would come to his defense.

"He _did _have problems with chakra control," Sakura said, reminiscing. She felt some need to speak out against Naruto, to cover up her deepest feelings. "You wouldn't believe how many times he fell off of the trees, trying to concentrate chakra on the bottom of his feet." She stuck her tongue a bit beyond her lips. The 'Inner Sakura' was walking about in catty fashion, her nose in the air. "Of course, it was the girl in the group who was best at that kind of thing."

It would have been bad enough, Sakura saying that kind of things to a bunch of stupid no-name girls. But, for some reason, Shikamaru, Choji, Kiba, Shino, Lee, and Neji had all wandered over, too. Kiba had a huge grin on his face, and thumbed his nose at Naruto. Sai walked over as well, with that odd smile of his. Standing a bit of a distance from them all, Hinata rubbed her fingers together and said "But Naruto never gave up."

"**Sakura-chan!" **Naruto pointed his finger at his teammate. "How could you say all that here?" He would have expected that kind of thing back when Sasuke was still part of their team. But, the pink-haired girl had come to understand him better, and to treat him nicer. It was a big affront, her making light of his previous difficulties in front of people who didn't know him that well. His pride pricked him into action. "I bet I have better chakra control than you now!"

'_Your sword,' Amaterasu said, holding out her hand. She took Susanoo's sword and split it into three pieces. Then, after chewing on those pieces for days and weeks, she opened her mouth and blew forth a strange mist that gave birth to three goddesses of incomparable beauty, second only to the Sun goddess herself. Seeing that, the Storm god asked for the five jewels that the Sun goddess was wearing. Receiving them from her, he put them in his mouth and cracked them between his teeth. He too blew forth a mist, with his strange vapor giving birth to five masculine deities who were more powerful than any other deities then living, except for Susanoo himself._

Word of Naruto's challenge spread through the crowded room like wildfire. A contest of skills would be exciting. But, what could they do in a place like this? Everyone stopped what they were doing, and gravitated to the part of the room that Naruto and Sakura stood in. No one spoke.

"Baka." Sakura smiled. Susubori manipulated her natural reactions, blowing things way out of proportion. "Everybody knows that medical ninjas have the best chakra control." That wasn't entirely true. The medical profession simply required people with a tremendous talent in that area. Sometimes, it took a great deal more skill to do something small and subtle, than it did to do something dramatic and destructive. "I guess I have to _prove_ that to you."

She searched the room, looking for a way to prove her point. Seeing a table full of large trays, each stacked with an incredible number of pastries and other desserts, she smiled. No, this wouldn't be about climbing trees. It would be more like _building_ trees. She had the answer she was looking for. Meanwhile, Naruto was still stewing, his anger growing by leaps and bound. He would not be made light of! Especially not by Sakura. Not in front of his friends. Not in front of strangers. If he was about to make his first impression on some of them, he wanted it to be a good one.

"The way to a man's heart is through embarrassing him in front of his fellow shinobi," Ino said, smirking at Sakura. She had grown closer to the other girl after their rivalry for Sasuke faded away; but, she still liked to get a good dig in now and again.

"This is so bothersome," a dour looking Shikamaru said.

"Hah! Ino is embarrassing _us_, Shikamaru!" Choji smiled. He had no illusions. While he would wish for Ino to care about him above anything else, he was well aware that their teammate only had eyes for Shikamaru. "Do you think it might be love?"

Ino didn't say anything. But, that was the first time on record that an 'Inner Ino' made an appearance. That imaginary construct blew large red hearts towards and imaginary Shikamaru, before kicking the living shit out of the imaginary Choji.

"Here's the mission, Naruto." Sakura started feeling a bit sheepish and reticent on her own. The demon in the bottle soon wiped away those emotions. "We will see who can stack pastries the highest. It will take a great deal of chakra control to hold things together when the pile gets pretty tall. It has to be shaped like a column. _Not_ a pyramid."

"Huh?" Naruto scratched the back of his head. His eyes were wide and his mouth open. Soon enough, he put on a look of pure determination. "OK. Ladies first." He thought on the words that Sakura had chosen. That led to his conjuring up a way that he could win, letting her do most of the work for him. "There's a reason I'm going to be Hokage some day."

"Yeh," Kiba said to Shino. "He's starting his own village. Population, one." That had a number of people laughing. Naruto ignored his friend.

Sakura went to work, stacking pastry upon oddly shaped pastry. Soon, she had a tower half her own height. Without exerting her chakra to the utmost, there was no way that the poorly fitting pieces would stay together.

"**_Ohhhh-hhh-hh-h_**…." Lee stood with his fists clenched, his eyes moist and his teeth shining. "You can do it, Sakura-chan." He didn't see the look that Ten Ten exchanged with Neji. He _did _see Naruto's glare, one that suggested treachery and betrayal of the worst sort. But, he wouldn't back down. He would support 'his' Sakura-chan to the end.

Lee's call of encouragement almost caused Sakura to lose it all, right then and there. She shivered, remembering a day during the first Chhnin exams, where the boy in the green stretchy suit had sent sticky hearts her way, and had professed his newfound love for her.

"I… I believe in you, Naruto-kun…." Hinata's pronouncement was too soft to be heard over the general din. She couldn't help but think back to the time that Naruto had been the sole person spurring her on against her cousin.

Finally, Sakura called it quits, planning to her chakra to hold things together until Naruto finished with his pastry tower. She didn't have the strength to go any further, not without risking a catastrophic collapse.

"My turn," Naruto said, lacing his fingers together and cracking his knuckles. "Watch and learn." He smiled, ready to show his cleverness once again. Exerting himself, he used his chakra to hold together Sakura's pile, in case she withdrew her energy. Then, instead of starting his own stack, he began adding to Sakura's. 'Come on, stupid fox. I need some help here.' That did indeed bring him a boost in power, but not from the demon he thought it came from. "I'm already higher than you, right?" Standing on top of a number of stacked chairs, he kept adding the pastries that Sai tossed up to him. "I win." She didn't specify _how _he had to build the tallest stack.

Neji grinned. That was vintage Naruto. While the other boy might not be a genius, he certainly had his moments. A number of the people in the room sided with Naruto, approving of his clever tactics. As one might guess, the majority of those ninjas were male. Many of the girls at the party cried foul, not the least of which was Sakura herself.

_The Storm god immediately began jumping around and shouting, boasting about his omnipotence, much too pleased with himself. That kind of behavior was not very wise, even for a god. Amaterasu told him that his efforts had not been so very great, since the gods had been created from her gemstones. That simple statement enraged the god, making him feel slighted and unappreciated. His self-control gone, he released the wind and rain that he held under his waving arms. Soon, all of the Sun goddess' carefully tended rice fields were destroyed, and muck and filth filled her beloved temples._

"**You cheated!" **Sakura was fuming. All that work she had done! And that big idiot was trying to take credit for it! The 'Inner Sakura' grabbed an imaginary Naruto by the throat and ankles and was stretched him to be as tall as the tower. "You only built on _my_ work! You're always looking for the easy way out!" Furious, she forgot about holding the pastry tower together.

"I did just what you said," Naruto claimed. He lost his temper, and added "If you're so strong, than you should be able to hold the whole thing up." He released his own chakra, hoping he had judged the lean correctly. He had.

The huge stack of pastries leaned this way and that, but sagged heavily towards an unsuspecting Sakura. Jiraiya told Susubori to prevent anyone from calling out a warning. As the stunned crowd watched, things seemed to happen in slow motion. The tower tipped over, and then fell apart, covering the pink-haired kunoichi with a rain of brownies, éclairs, cream puffs, and all sorts of sticky goodness.

"You…." Sakura stood with her legs apart, one finger held up in the manner of Tsunade. "You… you…." She was too angry to get her words out at first. "You have to be the biggest jerk alive!" Large globs of custard filling slid off of her hair and onto her feet.

_At first, Amaterasu made excuses for the other deity, thinking 'he just couldn't help himself. It's in his very nature to cause chaos whoever he goes.' Instead of getting angry, she thought of the sad journey he intended to make, and was touched by the strength of will it took to make such a decision. But, the kindness she offered in the aftermath only seemed to enrage Susanoo further, as if there was some kind of inner demon driving him. For some unknown reason, he needed to see just how far he could push the goddess. He wanted to knock her off her lofty pedestal. Maybe then she wouldn't remain so distant._

_Amaterasu grew resentful, and finally lost her patience. She wanted to be rid of him once and for all. She continued to resist every effort made to loosen up and shake off her silly pretenses. Seeing that, Susanoo chose to send one final message, in rather dramatic fashion. While the Sun goddess sat weaving in her sacred chambers, making clothing for the other deities, Susanoo flayed a piebald horse and threw the dead animal into her circle of weaver women. There was a note pinned to the saddle of the bloody horse. It read 'Things are not always as black and white as they seem.'_

_That frightful event caused one of the Sun goddess' closest friends to fall at her feet, dead from the terrible shock. Worn out from all of the terrible things that the Storm god had done, her mind resonated with one sole thought. She had to get away. Heeding that thought, she ran as far away as she could, as fast as her feet would carry her. She stopped when she found a cave in some distant and quiet corner of Heaven. Rolling a boulder across the entrance, she sealed herself in. Finally, she had found peace._

A pastry-covered Sakura walked over to commiserate with the other girls, accepting the towels and sympathy they offered her. As one, the whole group turned to face Naruto and shake their fists at him. They didn't stop there. One by one, they sent scathing comments his way.

Naruto snapped. It wasn't his own doing. Not entirely. The amanojaku brought up all of his painful past memories one after another, like the fastest slide show on earth. Loneliness in the orphanage. Crowds of villagers standing over him as a boy, looking like they wanted him dead. Being laughed at daily in the Academy. Everyone thinking Sasuke was something special while treating him like dirt. Sarutobi's death. His best friend leaving the village to become a missing ninja. So many things. Mixed in with them, he saw countless episodes of Sakura laughing at him. Some of those episodes were real. Most of them were fabrications.

About to explode, he caught sight of the center-piece of the extravagant catered feast. It was a huge suckling pig, one that had been trapped in the forest surround the village and slow cooked to perfection, until its golden crispy skin cracked and rolled up in large curls. Taking it by the hind legs, he swung it about, spinning in place. Letting go, he sent it speeding straight for Sakura.

The pig flew straight and true. Seeing it coming, Sakura did a back flip, escaping the imminent impact. Shielded from sight of the porcine projectile, Ino was not so fortunate. She took the porker against the side of her head, knocking her hard to the ground, unconscious. Bits of pork flew about the place of contact, showering the nearby girls. The apple from the pig's mouth somehow found its way down one girl's dress.

Normally, the room would have been a beehive of activity after that, with people rushing to help Ino, and others trying to subdue the irate Naruto. Thanks to Susubori, everyone simply watched in stunned silence.

"Ino." Sakura looked down at her cross-eyed friend. "Pig." She looked down at the mangled pig carcass in disbelief. "Ino pig." She looked back at her friend. The humor of the coalescent words was lost on her then. This was just too much. Looking over at Naruto, she brought her hand to her mouth and started to run. Sending the door to the Girl's rest room swinging, she barricaded herself inside, safe from any more insanity. On cue, an unseen Jiraiya worked a rheostat, bringing the lights down low.

_The people of the world had lost their radiant mother. They all say miserably, huddled in their homes, listless and hopeless. Without her light in their land, none of them could see their own strength, and all lost the will to go on. Their world was coming to an end. When things looked their bleakest, eight hundred myriad of gods gathered together in the dry bed of a river to decide how to get Amaterasu back. They begged one of the wisest gods to help them. He advised the other deities to collect cocks that could be trusted to crow just before dawn. They did as he asked. He next told the gods to hang a mirror with strands of jewels on the branches of a Sakaki tree just outside of the entrance to Amaterasu?s cave, and to hang strands of jewels from that mirror. Uttering ritual words, they carried out his instructions, finishing by decorating the tree with bright cloth banners. _

_With everything set, a goddess came up with an idea of her own. Ama no Uzume stepped forward, stripped naked, and dressed herself in various plants and bamboo leaves. Climbing onto a tub that had been turned upside down at the entrance of the cave, she began to dance. It was a dance like no one ever seen before that time, or no one has seen since. She drummed her feet on the tub. She swung her hips. She got wilder and wilder, carried away by divine ecstasy. All the eight hundred myriad of gods roared with laughter and approval, hooting and hollering. By the light of a thousand torches, the cocks all began crowing loudly at the same time._

The girls all tried to coax the upset kunoichi to come back out. The guys banded together, shouted slogans about justice and just desserts, picked up a struggling Naruto, and tossed him down the long steep garbage chute leading to the basement. Ino was fine, and had to be restrained from jumping in the chute after Naruto when she came to. Barred from doing that, she turned to Shikamaru and asked him to come up with a solution. She was feeling sorry for Sakura.

Shikamaru sighed. "This is all too troublesome for words." Feeling irritated by the growing welt on the side of his teammate's face, he closed his eyes and put his hands together in that way of his. That was the perfect opportunity for the amanojaku to begin feeding words onto his tongue. "We will need cocks," he said. Before he could go any further, a large number of boys began pulling down their zippers. That had been the Frog Hermit's command to the demon. But, even the centuries-old prankster of a demon had a modicum of good taste. Susubori decided to have the boys re-zip. "I mean _roosters!" _

Shikamaru put his face into his hands. Why him? Why did _he_ have to get involved? And why in hell's name had he asked for roosters? Having given his commands, he watched as a number of male and female ninjas sped out from the Rec Center, headed for the closest farmhouses. He thought some more. His ideas were not his own. "Sai. Stand in front of the door. If Sakura looks out, take on the form of Uchiha Sasuke." He knew that Sai was one of the few amongst them who had seen the absent ninja recently. "Kiba… Choji… Lee… Shino… take the mirrors off of the Men's Room wall and set them up so they reflect Sai's image." He decided to have someone imitate the Uchiha boy's voice too, if necessary.

As a precaution, Shikamaru told Choji to stand on one side of the bathroom door, pressed flat against the wall. At least, as flat as someone of his girth could be. If Sakura opened the door, he was supposed to grab hold of her arm and bring her out. In true Nara fashion, he sighed. If it was up to _him, _she could stay in there as long as she liked.

Things had been pretty wild up to this point, even in comparison to other things that Naruto had somehow prompted over the years, directly or indirectly. But, nothing that any of the party-goers had seen during their entire lifetimes would prepare them for what happened next.

Hinata walked over to one table, and slid a huge metal tub off of it. She turned the tub over, spilling a large amount of ice onto the floor, and sending numerous cold bottle of soda rolling this way and that. After she walked over to a number of Philodendron plants and striped off a number of leaves, she headed back to the tub and climbed up on top. Her thoughts were a tangled mess. What was she doing? Why was she doing it? Was Naruto OK?

"Hinata?" Kiba looked over at his teammate, perplexed.

"What is she doing?" Shino wasn't the only one asking that question.

"I wish I thought to videotape everything." Jiraiya walked over to the table the pig had been sitting on. Grabbing a turkey leg, he placed it under his robes so it wouldn't look as if it were floating about the room. It would make a great snack to eat during the coming burlesque show.

Hinata stripped down to her panties. That had everyone's mouth falling open. Neji looked around the room, wondering if an enemy had managed to sneak amongst them, using some kind of jutsu to bring about his cousin's actions. He also kept a close eye on Ino and Shikamaru, but they seemed as stunned as everyone else. Wanting to take of his robes and drape them over the girl, he found that he couldn't move or call out.

Holding the leaves in front of her, Hinata began to dance, drumming her bare feet against the bottom of the tub, making quite a racket. She gyrated. She swayed. She swung her hips in wild fashion. Deep inside her, a myriad of 'Inner Hinatas' came into being. Each of them turned bright red, looked ready to faint. Moments later, they shattered into countless pieces.

"**Oh snap!" **Shino dropped the cup he was holding.

"Spank me!" Kiba's eyes bulged. Was that Hinata? In the low light, moving like she did, the girl looked more like a goddess from some erotic dream.

"Heh… heh… heh…." The Frog Hermit held both arms in front of him, turkey leg at his feet. He flexed the fingers on both hands, as if he were squeezing an imaginary pair of breasts.

Choji, had eaten way too much already. Fighting indigestion, his stomach and intestines were bloated with gas. Catching sight of Hinata's nipples, he crapped his pants. Lee looked like a stone statue. Ino stood behind Shikamaru, hands covering his eyes. Sai searched for his sketch pad.

_Amaterasu was taken by complete surprise. Never in her entire existence had she heard such a racket, not even during the worst of the Storm god's tantrums. What was going on? What was she missing out on? When the laughter sounded louder than everything else, she couldn't help but roll the boulder back some and peek outside. Everyone sounded so happy without her!_

_None of the gods were willing to take any further chances with their mother goddess. As a last resort, they asked the god of Force to hide near the entrance to the cave and to seize Amaterasu's hand and drag her all the way out if he was given the chance. As it turned out, no such effort was needed. Catching a glimpse of something in the mirror hanging in front of her, she forgot about her pain and fear, transfixed by the light. _

_The Sun goddess was seeing herself for the first time in a very long while, and it gave her a renewed determination to carry on her duties in heaven. She immediately returned to her palace and vowed never again to be so frightened by any storm. At her instructions, numerous mirrors were hung in the doorways to her temples, so that all who passed in or out might look deeply into them. Anyone who did so went about their lives The elders say that the people of Japan, and the gods themselves, carried on their lives with their courage and joy refreshed._

Hinata continued with her dance, oblivious to the roosters that ran helter skelter across the floor. Everyone began laughing and clapping their hands. Guys and gals alike called out approval, never questioning why they did so. They hooted. They hollered. They made so much noise that Sakura had to step out and see what was going on. Pants full, and snot shooting out of his nose, Choji was too preoccupied to grab her. There was no need.

Still brushing off clinging garbage, Naruto made his way back into the party room, ready to take the group of guys to task. Wondering what was causing the unexpected cacophony, he froze when he caught sight of Hinata. Seeing him, the dancing girl stopped, let her leaves fall to the floor, and blew him a kiss.

"H-… H-… H-…." He couldn't get her name out. Wanting to look away, he couldn't. His eyes were glued to her body. He swallowed hard when his pants tented outward. What a time to pop a chubby! Sweating heavily, he realized that everyone who wasn't watching Hinata was watching him! Him and his trouser snake! Still, he couldn't pry away his gaze. "Th-… This is… this is better than the waterfall dream…." Inexplicably, he had dreamed of Hinata one night. She had been naked, standing in a waterfall.

"Don't just stand there, moron." Jiraiya whispered under his breath. He had the demon move Naruto closer to Hinata. "The girl needs your help."

Naruto formed a wall of Bunshin around the naked girl, shielding her body from everyone's view. He frantically began picking up her clothing. He couldn't find her bra. Kiba had crammed that into his back pocket.

Hinata hopped down from the tub. Her eyes were wide and filled with stars. There were so many Naruto-kuns! She began nuzzling the nearest one, rubbing her face against his. Pressing her body against the clone, she caused it to overheat and pop from existence. The same series of events occurred again and again and again. "My Hero-kun…." Hinata held her arms out when the real Naruto was the only one left standing.

"**Hinata!"** Naruto's innate sense of goodness and fair play actually managed to override Susbori's powers, if only for a little bit. **"Stop!"** Seeing that she didn't listen, he ran madly for the garbage chute jumped in headfirst. Moments later, a laughing Hinata did the same.

"Na… ruuuu-uuu-uu-u… to…." Sakura took on the appearance of a thunderhead, sparks in her eyes. She headed off for the basement, using the stairs instead of the chute.

"**_Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h_**… **_Sakura-chan!"_** Lee called out at the top of his voice. "Sakura-chan… don't you want to watch _me_ dance…." He had climbed up on the tub. The girls in the room rushed to stop him when he began to slip out of his stretchy suit.

"This could be the end of civilization as we know it," Shino said to Neji, eyeing Lee. It was all that Hyuuga boy could do to simply nod in return.

"**Conga line!"** Ten Ten grabbed Neji's arm, nearly pulling it out of its socket. Numerous shinobi followed suit. Soon, there was a long processing line of dancers. As the wallflowers turned up the music, the participants circled the room, each of them taking three shuffle steps on the beat, followed by a kick slightly ahead of the fourth beat. Instead of kicking each time, Tenten made it a point to bump into the boy in front of her. Naturally, that boy was Neji.

"Come on, Shikamaru!" Ino tugged on her teammate, happy to see that he didn't offer any resistance. Unbeknownst to her, his acquiescence was the amanojaku's doing.

"You too, Choji." Shikamaru knew how to get back at Ino. But, Choji had already lined up behind Ino on his own accord. Given his somewhat fragrant condition, there was a gap in the dance line between him and the shinobi behind him.

The room was a veritable frenzy of activity. Dancing. Singing. Eating. Laughing. At that instant, anyone walking into the Rec Center would think that the entire world had gone mad. The Legendary Sannin leaned against the back wall, a satisfied grin on his lips. If he died at that moment, he could go to eternity a happy man.

"Not too shabby," he said to his bottle-bound co-conspirator. "For the first act."

The show would go on.


	3. Chapter 3

The garbage chute was long, steep, and grimy.

Needless to say, Naruto wasn't in the best condition when he exited the metal duct work. Things would get worse immediately thereafter.

"Ahhh-hh-h…." he shot head first out of the chute, seeing a quick flash of a well-lit room before he was buried up to his ankles in refuse, like a human projectile. "What the f-…."

Numerous chutes from adjacent building fed into the same disgusting hamper. Creating a number of clones, he had them grab his ankles and pull. Just as they were about to follow his instruction, they popped out of existence when Hinata plowed into them.

"**Gurk!" **Pressed deeper in, Naruto swallowed something particularly disgusting. Dirty, aching, and thoroughly grossed out, he called forth more shadow clones. This time they yanked him out into the light.

"Naruto-kun." Hinata had managed to escape a similar fate, since she had landed on him. Sitting on a mound of trash, she smiled, still dressed in nothing more than her panties. It was easy enough to see, all traces of her usual shyness were gone. "We're alone… together… how wonderful…."

"Huh?" Naruto looked down at his gross and disheveled clothes. He took notice of weeks worth of refuse, long over due for removal and incineration. He barely managed to step aside when a large series of bags and boxes came flying out of the chute, origins and contents unknown. _"Wonderful?" _Remembering what he held in his hands, he offered her clothes to her. Banana peels and food wrappers were stuck to her blouse. Her pants had stains from more than a dozen sources. "What star did _you_ fall from?"

"**NA**-… **_ROOO-OO-OO_**-… **TO**…." That was Sakura's voice. She didn't sound very happy.

"Hurry!" Hinata was suddenly galvanized into action. "We can't let her catch us!" Grabbing Naruto's arm, she showed more strength than he ever would have imagined, pulling him up and out of the dumpster.

"Hey… wait…." Naruto barely missed being slammed into a large support pole. "Your clothes…." Sure, they were filthy. But, it was better than being naked, _wasn't_ it? Then again, why was Hinata naked in the first place? His eyes went wide when she grabbed the clothing, opened the glowing orange door of an incinerator, and tossed the apparel into the flames. "But…."

Jiraiya could watch everything through the eyes of anyone he chose, as long as they had drank the punch. So far, the entire little episode with Naruto and Hinata had been priceless. Enjoying the whole 'Actions of Teenagers Drunk on Demon Liquor and Paralleling Ancient Myths' angle, he decided to mine that vein a little longer. This time, he would twist things around a bit, however.

"**U**-… **_ZU_**-… **MA**-… **KI**… **NA**… **_RU_**… **TO**…." Sakura's booming voice was easily heard over the combined sound of various hissing, thumping, or whooshing machines. Susubori was making it sound a lot louder than it really was. Under his control, Naruto and Hinata never had reason to wonder just why things were happening the way they were. Neither did the number of spectators who had followed Sakura down the long series of stairs to the place below.

"Well… that'snot something you see every day…." One of the municipal workers rubbed his eyes, streaking his face with soot and oil. "A near naked girl running by." He reached into his pocket, took out a half empty flask of alcohol, and threw it towards the nearest bin.

"You can say _that_ again…." His co-worker shook his head in disbelief, wondering if he was seeing things. The boy that sped past was dropping garbage with every step he took.

"Hey! That tops'em both." A third man pointed. "A girl with pink hair!" He plastered himself against a wall when a furious-looking Sakura darted past.

"Yeh… sure…." The other two men laughed, having missed the pink blur. "Tell us another one…."

"Naruto has the role of O-Kuni-Nushi," Jiraiya said upstairs, trying to set the stage for the amanojaku. "The Hyuuga girl will be Suseri-Hime." He walked over to get something to eat while he spoke, his jutsu shielding him from view. "Tsunade's pupil will get to play Susanoo this time around."

_In old legends, O-Kuni-Nushi, who would later become a god, was the god of medicine, was aa descendant of Susanoo. Along with his eight brothers, he competed for the hand of Princess Yakami of Inaba. While traveling from __Izumo__ to __Inaba__ to court her, the brothers met a hare lying on a beach. It's skin had been stripped off by a large shark. Seeing this, they told the rabbit to bathe in the sea and dry in the wind at a high mountain. The rabbit believed them, did what they suggested, and suffered in terrible agony as a result. O-Kuni-Nushi, also called Ōnamuji, lagged behind his brothers, and came across the pitiful hare. He told the rabbit to bathe in fresh water, and to cover himself with powder of the cattail flower. That cured the creature, who was in reality a deity. The god then informed O-Kuni-Nushi that he was the one who would be able to marry the princess, if he wished to do so._

_Jealous, his brothers killed him two separate times; but, each time, his mother interceded with the goddess Kami-Musabi, who returned him to life as a strong young man. In order to hide him from his brothers, his mother sent him to the god Susanoo in the Underworld. When O-Kuni-Nushi met Susanoo's daughter Suseri-Hime, they fell in love. _

"Naruto-kun…." Hinata came to an abrupt stop. When he ran up against her, she closed her eyes and puckered her lips.

"Huh?" Naruto's heart jumped into his throat. What was Hinata doing? Hell, how had he found himself in this entire predicament. "You… I… but… I'm too dirty… don't touch me…." He backed far away, in the direction Sakura was coming from. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place!

"It doesn't mater to me, Naruto-kun." Hinata actually swayed her hips as she walked. "We could get dirty _together." _She gave him the kind of wink that could turn make a grown man cry.

"B-… B-… But…." Naruto froze. His legs wouldn't work. It felt as if he had been caught in an ice jutsu. "I… you… we…." He had seen a lot of things, hanging around with the perverted sage. But, this was different. It was personal.

"**THERE YOU ARE!" **Sakura slid into view, fire in her eyes. At that moment, she was very confused. She couldn't tell if she was furious for Hinata's sake, or jealous that the other girl was flirting with Naruto in a fashion she would never even dream about. "**YOU**… **Y-O-U**… **_Y-O-U_** **PERVERT!"**

"It's not _my_ fault!" There was nothing like the sight of an angry woman to get a man's limbs working again. Especially a girl as strong as Sakura. He remembered Jiraiya telling him how Tsunade had almost killed him, back when he had caught peeping in on her. "I was down here the first time when she stripped!"

"So… you noticed she's naked…." The pink-haired girl was approaching step by heavy step. She rolled up both sleeves.

"How could I _miss_ it!" Naruto cringed. That was true. But, saying that certainly hadn't helped. Then, something even stranger happened. Once again, he found himself doing something he would normally never do. His mouth moved with someone else's words: "If you're pissed that she thought of it first, then _you_ could strip too." Oh shit!

"You could see if pink's her natural color," Hinata offered. That didn't help either. It left Naruto cross-eyed for a few seconds, when he realized just what she meant. That couldn't be Hyuuga Hinata… the girl who always kept quiet and hid when he walked by… saying that!

Sakura shouted with pure rage, at the same exact moment a large steam whistle sounded. While it might be break time for the workers, it was time for her to get to work. Like a leopardess chasing her prey, she took off after a fleeing Naruto and Hinata. It didn't make her feel one bit better when her teammate swiped a worker's coat off of a hook and put it on the other girl.

Meanwhile, back in the party room, Jiraiya was faced with an embarrassment of riches. It was like sitting in the central room of a bawdy house, with small windows looking in on each of the parlors. No, it was like having cable TV, where every channel was pay-per-view and adults-only. This was better than any reality television show could ever be. So many drunken teenagers, so little time!

"That's… just… _wrong_…." It took a lot to shake up the Frog Hermit. A lot, indeed. "Was that _your_ idea, or his?" When the demon answered in the affirmative, the Legendary Sannin wondered just how evil the spirit might actually be. He watched as Aburame Shino crooned into a karaoke microphone, his cowl pulled far over his head.

"Mem'ries, light the corners of my mind…." Shino sang so horribly off key, that dogs outside in the alleyway were howling. "Misty water-colored memories, of the way we were…." Even though his voice sounded like someone strangling a cat, there were numerous girls standing around him, reaching out their hand. Unbelievable as it might be, he had groupies!

"I'll be a monkey's perverted uncle." The Sannin felt the bite of a green-eyed monster. No, not Sususbori. Envy. He never had that many women swooning over _him_, despite his greatness. That is, unless he was spreading money around. Trying to sooth his stung pride, he muttered so that only the demon could hear: "Of course… you know… that's all because of _us."_

"Scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind… smiles we gave to one another, for the way we were." Shino continued to warble. A number of girls threw pieces of paper with their phone numbers and e-mail addresses written in lipstick. A couple of the kunoichi threw their brassieres. "Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time re-written every line?" One girl passed out. "If we had the chance to do it all again, tell me, would we? C-o-u-l-d we?" Three more joined her.

Jiraiya was distracted when something ran in front of him, on all fours. For a moment, he thought that a dog might have gotten into the Rec Center. But, the speeding shape had been clothed. It was the Inuzuka boy. Tongue hanging out, he ran from girl to girl, sniffing their butts. When he asked Susubori if Kiba's actions were due to the demon's influence, or the effects of the alcohol, the demon actually sounded embarrassed. It was the liquor's doing, not his.

"Damn, I'm a good teacher!" The Legendary Sannin practically preened. Tsunade's lecture had been dry and boring. Everybody had probably forgotten every word she said. But this! _This_ was more than memorable. The shinobi would all understand the dangers of drinking when they sobered up.

"Mem'ries, may be beautiful and yet… what's too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget…." Shino took off his long cloak and began swinging it around. Chakra bugs flew this way and that. A few more girls fainted. "So it's the laughter we will remember…whenever we remember...the way we were.…" He then did the unfathomable. He took off his dark glasses. "The way we w-e-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-re.…" A few cups and goblets fractured. A crack appeared in one tier of the punch fountain.

"**I want to have his baby!" **One girl shouted.

"Take a number!" Another girl shoved her roughly out of the way.

Once again, Rock Lee was inspired by what he saw. True, the idea wasn't original. But, that didn't matter. Very few of the Taijutsu moves he studied had been developed in recent history. Nevertheless, skillful ninjas could hone them sharper than ever before.

"**_Ohhhh-hhh-hh-h_**…." He grabbed the microphone from Shino, used his Dynamic Entry kick to clear everything off of one table, and then did a somersault to land on top of it. "Watch me ladies!" Smiling, light 'pinged' off of his teeth. Gai-sensai would be so proud. He began singing. If possible he was even worse than Shino. "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt…so sexy it hurts." He was too caught up with things to realize that the room suddenly went dead quiet. "And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan… New York and Japan." Someone in the far corner began retching loudly.

"I can't believe he's our teammate," Neji said, a stricken look on his face. He felt embarrassed by association. A strong-willed person with a very tidy and regimented mind, he struggled vainly against the unknown and unsuspected outside influences that were affecting him.

"That's nothing," Ten Ten said, wearing a frilly table cloth like a feather boa. "I can't believe you haven't kissed me yet." With that, she wrapped the rolled up linen around his neck, pulled him close, and put her arms around him. She dipped him, before locking her lips on his.

"And I'm too sexy for your party… too sexy for your party…." Lee sang louder and louder, certain that he was pushing shinobi singing to a whole new plateau. "No way I'm disco dancing!"

"**Somebody kill me!" **One girl fell to her knees.

"No. Me. Kill _me." _Another girl hid her face in her hands.

"Don't stop the singing. This is part of the lesson, too." Jiraiya took some cotton out of his pocket and stuffed it in his ears. The demon had asked if he should stop the boy before someone got ill. "This might be the most powerful argument against drinking ever invented." That was ironic, since the demon liquor flowing in the boy's vein had the effect of alcohol, without being truly alcoholic yet. What would happen when the amanojaku later made the chemical conversion?

"I'm a model… you know what I mean… and I do my little turn on the catwalk…." Lee was posing for all he was worth. His spirits were flying. This was better than doing one thousand kicks or fifty laps around the village with his leg weights on. "Yeah on the catwalk… on the catwalk, yeah…I do my little turn on the catwalk…."

Choji had just returned to the party after running home to change. Spraying a touch of breath spray into his mouth just in case he could get Ino to notice him, he watched as Lee walked from table top to table top like a male model. He promptly soiled himself again.

"Shit happens," Jiraiya quipped, quite pleased with himself. "Get it, Susubori… shit happens…." He frowned. "I guess anyone would lose their sense of humor, sealed away in a bottle for so long…."

"I'm too sexy for my cat… too sexy for my cat…." Lee had begun to sweat. He was making the whole thing in to a work-out routine. "Poor pussy… poor pussy cat…." A crowd of ninjas was bottle-necked at the entranceway, fighting to make it outside. Lee was oblivious to it all. He was on stage. This was his big moment. He looked this way and that as he sang, hoping to catch sight of a girl with pink hair.

"**Bad dog!"** Ino kicked Kiba off of her leg. Whining like a cuffed cur, he ran over to a large potted plant and did what dogs often do. When The blue-eyed girl looked up, she saw Choji waving at her. "Not _him!" _She promptly ducked back into the crowd, looking for Shikamaru. She stopped for a moment, staring at Sai, who stood over by a large platter of finger food. He looked a bit like Sasuke from that angle. She smiled, thinking him somewhat cute.

Choji sighed and hung his head. It was always that way with Ino and would probably stay that way. Feeling down, he turned his attention to his first love. His one _true_ love. There were very few people over at the buffet tables. A fair amount of food had been eaten, but there was a tremendous amount remaining. It was time that he showed the smorgasbord just how much he cared.

"I'm too sexy for my love… too sexy for my love…." Lee was approaching the climax of his performance. No one would shine as brightly as he would, a shining beacon for the wayward youth of Konoha! "Love's going to leave me." One final verse remained. It said it all. "And I'm too sexy for this song."

There were no applause. No excited whistles. No undergarments. Instead, the ninjas in the crowd looked at one another… at Lee… and then over at the tables. Without saying a single word, they rushed to the food, trampling Choji in the process. In a matter of moments, tomatoes, eggs, and fermented cabbage was flying through the air in Lee's direction.

"**F-O-O-D** **F-I-G-H-T!"** The Frog Hermit had no idea who yelled that out. Things went from bad to worse… or, in his mind, from great to fantastic. Unbridled teenage mischief, rage, and frustration. Perfect! Things in full swing up here, he turneded his attention below

_Susanoo grudgingly welcomed O-Kuni-Nushi to the Underworld. On the first night, the god offered him a room full of venomous snakes for his rest. Suseri-Hime, however, gave him a scarf which spared his life. On the second night the Susanoo offered him a room full of centipedes and wasps, but once again Suseri-Hime rescued him with a magic scarf. Desperate, Susanoo shot a hissing arrow into a meadow and ordered O-Kuni-Nushi to find it. When O-Kuni-Nushi reached the middle of the meadow, the god set the field aflame. Good fortune struck when a mouse guided him to an underground shelter, where he found and fetched the arrow. These escapes impressed Susanoo. Before he knew it, he began to approve of O-Kuni-Nushi. The god asked him to wash his hair, then fell asleep. Instead of washing, O-Kuni-Nushi cleverly tied the god's long hair to the rafters of the house, stole his divine sword and bow, swiped his harp Koto, and then fled with Suseri-Hime on his back. As he ran off, the harp awoke Susanoo who pulled down his house with his hair while attempting to stand up. _

_When the god saw O-Kuni-Nushi with his daughter in the distance and realized he had no hope of catching up, he told O-Kuni-Nushi how to vanquish his many enemy brothers with the stolen weapons, and advised him to marry his daughter. Susanoo then asked that O-Kuni-Nushi and Suseri-Hime build their palace at the foot of Mt. Uka. The two had a total of one hundred and eighty one children._

Hand in hand, Naruto dragged Hinata through a number of small corridors, all situated in the vast underground area that sat under a number of Konoha's buildings. Clones ran hither and you, some disguised as the white-eyed girl; but, the pursuing Sakura never once lost the true trail.

"S-… S-… Save me… Naruto-kun…." Somewhere in mid-chase, Hinata had stopped acting like a sexy vixen and had begun acting like a damsel in distress.

"**You got it!" **Naruto felt a sense of pride swelling within his chest. He would get out of this mess somehow. He would protect the girl. For some reason, she now seemed like his most precious person, someone to be cherished and taken care of. "It's my Way of the Ninja."

"The entire _Niju Shotai _couldn't save you two!" Sakura ran trough a number of doors that Naruto and Hinata had already opened and closed. Wood fragments skittered across the floor like frightened mice or fleeing cockroaches. She really didn't know why she was here, why she was running, and why she had to stop her two friends. Without realizing what she intended, she began to fight the amanojaku's control. Naturally, that caused Susubori to act.

"Hey! Sakura-chan!" Naruto stood in the middle of a long room, one that looked to be a storage area for goods and supplies that would be needed during a siege of the village. "After you strip, I'll trade you a whole year's worth of Ramen tickets for a lap dance." He did it again!

"**B-A-S-T-A-R-D-!" **Snorting like an enraged bull, Sakura redoubled her efforts, surging emotions eroding any effort to resist. She began working jutsus that she didn't even know, unaware of that absurdity.

"No time to nap!" Naruto pulled Hinata close to him as she looked to collapse. Somehow, the room they were in became full of hissing and coiling snakes, many of them looking ready to strike. He hated snakes! There had to be some way across the scaly moving floor.

"Naruto-kun… _here_…." Hinata spied one old opened crate. Inside, there were numerous rolls of bandages, all uncut. She yanked part of one roll out, holding it in her hand. It looked like some kind of scarf from Naruto's perspective.

"Good idea, Hinata-chan!" Naruto took out one of the larger rolls and threw it with all his might, aiming for a series of criss-crossed pipes far over head. "You really are someone I can like!" The linen bandages unrolled during flight and the spool at the far end wedged firmly in some unseen nook or cranny. "Hold on tight." He leapt from box to box, climbing a pyramid of crates. Large numbers of snakes slithered after him, their eyes glowing red.

"You… you're so wonderful…." That was Hinata speaking on her own, without any demonic strings attached.

"**You know it!" **Naruto stood still long enough to pose. Then, grabbing hold of the long vine of bandage material, he swung out over the sea of angry reptiles. "I'm going to be Hokage some day." Letting go at the other end of the room, they managed to make it to the next hallway. More storage rooms lay ahead, lined up like beads on a string.

"You can run…." Sakura stopped when she reached the seething tangle of snakes. Bringing one finger down to the concrete floor, she performed _Isshi Resshin _, the One-fingered Earthquake, creating a huge crevice in the floor. Most of the serpents fell from view. "But you can't hide…." She was soon closing in on the two fleeing ninjas.

"Well, it's certainly better than the junk they call movies nowadays." Up above, reigning in a court of pure chaos, Jiraiya turned from watching Naruto's little adventure so he could focus more on the shenanigans at hand.

Everywhere he looked, something was going on. There were few wallflowers left at this little shindig. Groups of guys and gals had paired up, making out, not caring who might be looking. Some didn't even care who they were kissing. Other party-goers had sat on the floor in small and large circular groups, laughing, drinking, and carrying on. Someone had found packs of cards. Gambling games were in full swing. There were people playing Spin the Bottle, Twister, and Truth or Dare. One trio of shinobi were even trying their hands at yodeling. Yodeling!

Standing tall and regal, at least in his own mind, the Legendary Sannin felt like some vast figure overlooking the Apocalypse. He was the master of all he surveyed. No one could escape his mighty hand! Catching sight of one particular young man, he pursed his lips. The black-clad ninja stood off on his own, not bothering to partake in the various activities surrounding him. It was the boy called Sai.

"His real name isn't Sai," Jiraiya told the amanojaku. "That was just a codename given to him by that over-ambitious asshole Danzo." He didn't know a lot about him first hand, other than the fact that he was once a member of a now-defunct independent subdivision of the ANBU called 'Root,' and that he specialized in artistic ninjutsu. "Naruto told me a little about him." The relationship of the teammates had certainly changed for the better. When Sai was first added to Team Seven, he attacked Naruto's manhood, asking if he even had a penis. That had led to all sorts of 'Dickless' comments that left Naruto fuming long after the fact. But, that had been small potatoes. Sai's original mission was to kill Sasuke because of the danger he posed to Konoha. He decided against doing that, wanting instead to protect Naruto's bond with the missing ninja by rescuing him from Orochimaru. "The boy has problems with his emotions. Let's give him a bit of a hand, there." He chuckled evilly. He thought of something that was apropos.

There was no reason to limit his use of old stories to any single mythos. There was one legend in particular that came to mind, something he had been forced to learn during the days prior to school reform at the Academy. That classical education served him well now. He no longer resented the many times he had been whacked on top of the head by the stuck up shinobi he had as teachers. That bastard Danzo had been one of them.

_As with much of the ancient Egyptian mythology, there are various versions of the story of Isis and Osiris. The latter was initially an earthly ruler, who was popular with his subjects. In most versions of the myth, his brother, Set, was jealous of this popularity and plotted against him. In some versions, he had his eyes on Isis, the wife of Osiris. What would ancient stories be without hatred, greed, and love triangles?_

"Isis never cared about Set," Jiraiya said, licking at some of the foot that covered the once pristine floor. "But that's no big deal. Consider it artistic license." He picked out the players in his next little play.

Patting her hair into place, Ino took out a compact and redid her lipstick. Then, walking like a well-seasoned vamp, she made her way over to Sai and started flirting with him. At one point, she gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek, leaving a red smear. That had Choji spilling an entire plate of food. Shikamaru, usually apathetic about such things, began to burn with uncharacteristic anger.

"Did you know that Ino means 'wild boar," Ino said, running one finger up and down the cheek of an uncomfortable looking Sai. "I don't want you think I'm a pig, though." She leaned over and blew into his ear. "I love flowers. I hope I'm never without them." She took a step back and ran her hands only her sides, down to her hips. "That doesn't mean I don't want to be deflowered, though." She smiled. _"If _you know what I mean…."

"I… I… I _don't_…." Sai swallowed hard. He felt even more uneasy when Ino told him that she would explain what she meant in private.

"This goes well beyond bothersome," Shikamaru said. His usual lazy and bored look had been replaced by one of determination.

_Set's plans to be rid of his brother started when he secretly obtained his brothers measurements and had a wonderfully decorated casket made to fit. This casket was in the form of a human shaped box. Set then organized a large feast to which Osiris and seventy two others were invited. At the height of the festivities, Set produced the casket and announced that it would be given to whoever it fitted. All the guests tried the casket for size, but none fitted until finally Osiris stepped into the casket. Having absolutely no evil in him, he suspected nothing. Set immediately slammed the lid closed and sealed the casket shut with molten lead. The sealed coffin was then thrown into the Nile. _

Ino's courtship of Sai soon caught the attention of other girls. A number gravitated in their direction, seeing the boy in an entirely new light. That left Shikamaru and a group of other guys standing alone, none too happy with the situation.

"I think it's time we get rid of Mister Popularity," Shikamaru said. He put is hands together, thought a few moments, and then nodded his head. He had the perfect plan. After explaining things to his co-conspirators, he performed _Kagemane no Jutsu_, holding Sai in place before he had any reason to reach for his ink and parchment. "Alright! Put him in that room. Then seal the door." He pointed towards a small utility closet.

A crowd of boys surrounded Sai, immobilized him further, and spirited him away to the cramped enclosure. Throwing him inside, they used all manner of justsu to seal the door. Not one to be carefree or lax when it came to missions, Shikamaru sent a number of people off to find hammer and nails.

_Isis was not afraid of Seth. She searched all of the Egypt and beyond for the box containing her beloved husband. Finally she found it, lodged in a tamarisk bush that had turned into a mighty tree, since the power of Osiris still was in him, even though he lay dead. She tore open the box and wept over the lifeless body of her one love. Carrying the casket back to Egypt, she placed it in the house of the gods. She then went to __Thoth__, and implored his help. Thoth, the lord of knowledge, who had brought himself into being by speaking his own name, searched through his tomes of magic. Together with Isis, he prepared to perform the Ritual of Life. _

"Sai!" Ino hit the closed door with her fists. She didn't hear the boy say "It's OK. I actually like it in here'. "I'll save you, sweetums!" That choice of words had Ino choking for a moment, demonic control or no demonic control. "Somebody help me."

"Sweetums?" Shikamaru's face was a mask of disbelief. He looked like he could chew steel and spit out kunai. "That's… that's so…."

"Troublesome," Choji said for his friend. He sighed. Now Ino had her eyes set on someone _else_ other than him. He clenched his fists and then relaxed them. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and made a decision. Even though he had never sided against Shikamaru since he knew him, he would help Ino. Maybe she would see him in a different light. "_Nikudan Sensha_." Using the Multi-Size Technique, he made himself ball, tucking his limbs inside his clothing.

"**Look out!" **Neji barely managed to pull Ten Ten out of the way of the spinning Meat Tank. That earned him another kiss from his thankful teammate.

Kiba ran alongside the rolling Choji, barking like a dog chasing at cars. Shino, unable to move in time because of the nine girls draped all over him, flew up into the air like a ten-pin, along with the besotted kunoichi. Shikamaru put his hand on his forehead, making a rather pained-looking face.

The ninjas guarding Sai's makeshift cell stepped aside. Meat Tank met sealed door. The door didn't stand a chance. Wood fragments exploded in every conceivable direction. A large part of the wall broke loose, raining down on the ersatz prisoner and his captors.

Ino ran past Choji without giving him even the slightest show of thanks. "Sai… darling…." She threw herself on a plaster-sprinkled Sai, who looked to be a bit out of sorts. "You'll be alright now…."

_Before Thoth could work the magic, Seth discovered what they were up to. He stole away the body of Osiris, tore it into fourteen pieces, and scattered them throughout Egypt. Having done that, he was certain that Osiris would never be reborn. But, Isis still would not despair. She implored the help of her sister Nephthys to help her find the pieces of her husband. They searched for a long time, bringing piece by piece back to Thoth, so that he might work his spells upon them. When all but one of the pieces had been found, Thoth went to Anubis. The dread lord of the dead sewed the pieces back together, washed the entrails of Osiris, and wrapped him in linen. The Ritual of Life was performed, and Osiris was restored to life. The only piece missing was his genitalia._

"So… you must think you're some kind of lady's man…." Shikamaru advanced on a rather perplexed Sai. He had taken a carving knife off of one of the tables. Used for cutting prime rib and leg of lamb, it looked to be rather sharp.

"I do not understand." Sai smiled in that silly closed-eyes style of his.

"You can bet that _he'll_ pay attention to me," Ino said to her teammate. _You _never did!" She goosed Sai, causing him to jump.

"That can be fixed." Shikamaru's choice of words had Kiba running for the door. "Like this…." He slashed downward with the knife.

In actuality, the knife didn't come close to Sai. That much was obvious to most of the onlookers. But, Sai, Ino, and Shikamaru all thought they saw something altogether different, even though it really didn't make much sense. Even though Sai's pants were still on, it looked as if his manhood had just been cut off and sent flying through the air. If Naruto ever heard about this incident, the former Root member would never live it down.

"You… you… _monster_…." For a moment, Ino stood aghast, staring at Shikamaru. Then, she grabbed Sai by the hand, never wondering why his trousers looked intact or why there was no sign of blood. "Come on, Sai. We have to find it. I'll sew it back on for you." That was a rather odd statement coming from her of all people. She was not Kakuzu. She had no threads in her body. That Akatsuki member, along with Hidan, was one of the last people she would want to think about at that moment. "Come on everybody! We need your help! Sai lost Mr. Winky!" Numerous ninjas began searching the premise for the missing member.

"Wait… is _that_ it…." One girl had exceptionally sharp eyes. Susubori had changed the appearance of the meat in a hoagie that Choji was about to sink his teeth into.

"**CHOJI**… **_NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O_**…." Ino nearly passed out when her rotund friend chomped down on the sausage sandwich. "Give… me… that…." She flicked the meat out of the bun and caught the spinning form in her hand.

"Ino?" It was Choji's turn to be confused. "Do you want to play 'Hide the Sausage' with me?" He was referring to a game that he used to play with neighbors when he was a child, not a euphemism for something much more intimate.

"**Pervert!"** Ino lashed out with her free hand. The resultant slap sounded like an explosion. A red hand mark stood out on Choji's swollen face. She ran over to Sai, cradling her pilfered pork product. After taking a small sewing kit out of her purse, she yanked Sai's pants and briefs down.

"_Who's_ the pervert," Shino asked, walking over. All illusions vanished at that moment, leaving Ino holding a sausage in her hand. Sai, naked below the waste, obviously wasn't missing any part of his normal male anatomy.

"You think you know someone…." Shikamaru, no longer filled by false jealousy, shook his head. Standing next to him, eyes wide, Lee looked like a statue.

"But…." Ino wanted to crawl into one of the cracks in the floor.

"You outdid yourself on _that _one, Susubori!" Jiraiya was laughing so hard, that he found it hard to breathe. "Give these guys a bit of a rest. I want to check in on the boy again." By 'the boy,' he meant Naruto. "I want to see where you go with this one. Surprise me!"

Deep below the village, as the three participants dodged busy workers and leapt over large containers, the exciting little vignette was still playing itself out. Working hand seals, Sakura again did the impossible, summoning large wasps and giant poisonous centipedes. Engineers, quartermasters, and clerks ran screaming in terror.

"I'll die before I let them hurt you, Hinata-chan!" Naruto sped along, carrying Hinata piggy back. She had turned an ankle while escaping one of Sakura's earlier traps. He thought about summoning one of the larger frogs, but didn't have time. The monsters were closing in fast.

"Naruto-kun…." Hinata held on tight. If she had to die, she wanted to die like this, with him. "Over there…. more bandages…." They had gotten lost in the maze of corridors and were back in one of the earlier storage rooms.

"**Got it!" **Naruto grabbed a roll, but found that these were different. The lengths were much shorter, and the material stronger and more coarse. "Think!" That last exclamation was for himself. He needed to find another way out.

"I can spin it fast… with _Kaiten_…." Hinata said. It might just work, if the injury didn't keep her from holding up to the stress of the Divine Spin she had begun learning.

"Great idea, Hinata!" Naruto put her down and stepped in front of her. "I can too." He had never tried this before. If it didn't work the first time, there might be no second time. It was time for a new wind based technique, one that spun chakra in large strong circles instead of tight spirals. "I hope."

"I… I have faith in you… Naruto-kun…." Hinata crossed clasped her hands to her chest. Giant stinging insects buzzed close to their heads. The Hundred-Leggers were fighting with one another to be the first to attack.

"Here we go!" Concentrating, Naruto made his attempt. It was a success. The medium length of bandages in his hand, short only in comparison to the much longer roll he had used earlier, started spinning like a propeller. Soon, it was a blur. Buzzing louder than the creatures it was being used against, the linen blade made a noise like a cross-cut saw. Arthropod chunks flew this way and that as he walked forward, with Hinata crouched behind him. Insect parts began coating wall, floor, and ceiling. "Believe it!"

There was no time for congratulations. There wasn't even any opportunity for the orange and black-clad ninja to catch his breath. "Don't think I'm finished," Sakura shouted. She would _not_ be denied. If more exotic attacks didn't work, maybe she should try something simpler.

"I wonder if they have any popcorn here," Jiraiya muttered. Things were getting really exciting.


	4. Chapter 4

The party was still in full swing.

By now, almost everyone was speaking in a slightly slurred voice. A number of the smaller shinobi, especially those with the weakest constitutions, had passed out.

Jiraiya sat perched on top of a large cabinet, legs dangling over the side. He had a large urn of Sake by his side, and was trying to figure out some way for Susubori to have a drink. Everyone should be in on the fun!

It's almost like I'm a god," the Frog Hermit said, taking a long swig of drink. His cheeks were rosy red and his eyes half closed. There were few things better than free food and drink. One thing came to mind, but he was nowhere near dastardly enough to take advantage of the situation in that way. "Well… maybe a demi-god…." He banged the urn against the amanojaku's bottle. "Cheers."

The mention of the demi-gods had him thinking about one mythic figure in particular, the son of Zeus and the mortal woman Alcmene, stepson of Amphitryon, and great-grandson of Perseus. He was the greatest of all the Greek heroes, a true paragon of masculinity, a champion of the Olympian order against chthonic monsters.

"Heracles," the Legendary Sannin said. "Everyone drink a toast to Heracles!" Not knowing why they did so, the younger ninjas all grabbed a bottle or worked the pump on the few remaining kegs. "Or… you can call him Hercules if you like…." He belched. When one ninja looked in his direction and saw him, he asked the demon to erase that memory, before making it a point to renew his Transparent jutsu. "He was a lot like _me."_

The ancient Greek hero had possessed extraordinary strength, courage, ingenuity, and sexual prowess. He had also been capable of using his wits on those occasions when his strength did not suffice. Despite all that, he had still been a playful figure who used games to relax from his labors, and played a great deal with children. By conquering dangerous forces, he had made the world a safer place, a benefactor of all mankind.

"That's _me _alright," Jiraiya said, thumping his chest. He chose to use the hand holding the urn, which left him with a shirt soaked by Sake. "A benefactor." He nodded his head. "Of all these children." He felt all warm and fuzzy for a moment. Then he sniffed, wiping away a tear. No one would ever know of the wonderful thing he had done here today. He had to be very sure that he wiped the scene free of his fingerprints, in a figurative sense.

The life of the Greek Hero had not been an easy one. Neither had Jiraiya's. After killing his music tutor with a lyre, Heracles had been was sent by his foster father Amphitryon to tend cattle on a mountain. There, he was visited by two nymphs… Pleasure and Virtue… who offered him a choice between a simple and pleasant life, or a difficult and glorious life. He chose the latter. The Frog Hermit had done much the same thing. One of the challenges that the demi-god had faced was, put to him by King Thespius of Thespia, who wanted him to kill the Lion of Cithaeron. As a reward, the king offered him the chance to impregnate each of his fifty lovely daughters. According to legend, Heracles did this in one night. Some learned individuals sometimes refer to that as his thirteenth Labour.

"Lucky bastard," the Sannin said with a heavy sigh. He had plenty of success with women, but had never even done fifty in a year! That didn't really bother him. Sometimes, though, he _did _mourn the fact that he never found that one right woman. He still held a torch of sorts for Tsunade, but knew that the two of them would never have been compatible, even if she had never fallen in love with Dan. "That's OK. If I was off the market, there would be a lot of sad ladies out here."

Marriage hadn't been the happiest of institutions for Heracles, who had been joined in wedlock four times. In Thebes, he had taken the hand of King Creon's daughter, Megara. But, bitch that she was, the goddess Hera later drove the great hero into a fit of madness, during which he killed his wife and children. Realizing what he had done, he fled to the Oracle of Delphi, which. unbeknownst to him, was guided by Hera. He was directed to serve King Eurystheus for twelve years, and perform any task he required. That led to the Twelve Labours. Eurystheus, who had become king in Heracles' place, had originally asked for ten seemingly impossible tasks. Two additional Labours had been tacked on by Hera herself.

"I did more than twelve Labours," Jiraiya claimed. "Hell… just training Naruto for those two and a half years… that was worth at _least_ ten Labours…." He suddenly sat up straighter, hearing something from the demon. "What? There really _was _someone named Heracles? You _knew_ him?"

Susabori was much older than the Sannin ever would have guessed. He had been across the world, carried in one form or another. According to him, the tales all had some basis in truth, minus the bit about gods and goddesses.

"Maybe if I had been born back then…." Jiraiya said. He smiled for a few moments, as the amanojaku regaled him with tales about Heracles' many affairs with women. But, moments later, he sprayed a mouthful of sake all over the shinobi who were walking past him. "I changed my mind!" The legendary man had indeed been a paragon of manliness and the ultimate warrior, with numerous female lovers. But, according to Susubori… who had heard things directly from Plutarch… Heracles also had pederastic male lovers. In fact, the number of his _eromenoi_ were said to beyond counting.

Enough of that kind of thought! It was time for the grand benefactor to play with the impressionable children again. Watching some of the drunken carousing that was going on, he couldn't help but think of some of Heracle's Labours, despite his mental moratorium on the subject. The first of twelve tasks had been to slay the Nemean Lion and bring back its skin. The dread beast had been terrorizing the area around Nemea, and had a skin so thick that it was impenetrable to weapons. Heracles threw away his sword and bow and wrestled the lion to the ground, eventually killing it by thrusting his arm down its throat and choking it to death. It looked like Choji was trying to do the same think to Rock Lee, who had made the mistake of swallowing the last cream-filled éclair.

The second Labour required the ancient hero to kill the Lernian Hydra. When he reached the swamp where the monster dwelt, Heracles covered his mouth and nose with a cloth to protect himself from the poisonous fumes, and fired flaming arrows into its lair, the spring of Amymone. Fighting the beast with a harvesting sickle, he cut off its heads, only to find that two would grow back in place of any that was severed. Sai looked to be facing a similar problem. Although Ino's demon-driven passion for him had died out, there were plenty of girls looking to take her place. With every arm that the poor boy pried off of himself, two more seemed to replace it.

Heracle's third quest had involved the capture of the Ceryneian Hind, an enormous deer sacred to Artemis, the chaste goddess of the hunt and moon. It had golden antlers like a stag and hooves of bronze or brass, and it was said that it could outrun an arrow in flight. He chased the mystical beast on foot for a full year through Greece, Thrace, Istria and the land of the Hyperboreans, conquering it when it was unable to run any further. The parallels were striking. The Nara family raised deer. Ino looked like she would pursue her teammate until he found it too bothersome to put up any more of a fight.

The fourth Labour dealt with the capture of the dangerous Erymanthian Boar. That fit well with Choji's hopeless love for the Yamanaka girl, except that he was destined to fail where the Greek hero had triumphed.

"This place is looking like a real dump now," the Frog Hermit said, looking around the room. There were stacks of plates everywhere. Glasses, too. The aftermath of the food fight was quite evident, too. Some poor soul… probably the unfortunate innocent he would need to take credit for spiking the punch… would no doubt be given the envious task of cleaning everything up. That might very well rival Heracles' fifth chore, cleaning the Augean stables in a single day. Those structures had housed the single greatest number of cattle in the land, and had never been cleaned until the great hero came along. "I guess that means I'm not really risking too much now by letting Bushy Eyebrows do his thing." It was time to watch the boy's reaction to alcohol first hand.

The Legendary Sannin waved his hand. It was an unnecessary gesture, since the demon was in telepathic contact with him. But, it fed his view of himself as an all powerful and capricious being. Susubori changed the demon liquor back to alcohol in the unsuspecting shinobi's bloodstream. The first couple of times that Lee had mistakenly or purposefully imbibed, his subsequent destructive and chaotic actions had been attempts to impress his mentor, regardless of whether or not Gai had even been around. In that state, he had a tendency to attack any one who might be near him.

_Suiken _can't be learned or taught. It only occurs naturally, and is particularly dangerous in the hands of anyone with considerable Taijutsu skills. Lee had come close to defeating a sickly Kimimaro Kaguya, before Orochimaru's minion had activated his cursed seal.

"**_Ohhhh-hhh-hh-h_**… Gai _Sh_enshei…." Lee began stumbling about, a glassy look in his eyes. "_Sh_akura… _shhhhh_weetheart…." He began bouncing off of his fellow revelers, like a pachinko balls ricocheting off of metal pegs. His movements became faster and more random with every passing moment. "_Sh_omebody… _everybody_… wa_sh _what_sh_ I can do…." The amanojaku had him begin spinning plates on a long staff, much like a Chinese acrobat. He wasn't very good at it. Someone made the mistake of telling him that, after the twentieth platter shattered. "_Whatsh_ did_sh_ you _shhhhh_ay?" He took up more plates in hand, and began flinging them around the room like large shuriken.

Soon, before anybody knew what had happened, the entire room exploded into action, as Lee ricocheted off of the walls, collided with partygoers, and overturned numerous tables. Wherever ninjas bumped up against one another as a result, they immediately took offense at Lee or the person colliding with them. Driven in part by their own drunkenness, and unknowingly spurred on by Jiraiya and the mischievous spirit, the shinobi began to finish what the boy in the green stretchy suit had started. It was hard to tell if it was a party where a fight had broken out, or a fight where a party had started.

Suddenly overcome by the effects of the demon, Sai began drawing creature after creature, sending them speeding out through the rest of the building, or rushing out onto the street. Choji was back in Meat Tank form, bowling over anyone who stood in his path. Neji performed a fearsome _Kaiten_, sending everyone within combat radius flying. Shino sent his chakra bugs out to find nourishment wherever they could, be it the chakra of the other ninjas, or whatever food remained intact. Ten Ten somehow brought out a number of round bombs, fuses burning. Kiba was spinning through the air, trying out the dynamic urine marking technique that he had taught Akamaru. Ino was fighting like a creature from Hell, trying to protect the one surviving bunch of flowers in the room. Shikamaru banged his head against the far wall, bothered far beyond his limit.

"**_AHHHH-HHH-HH-H_**…." Lee was in full swing now, having unwisely gone on to open two of the eight chakra gates. If things continued, he would open a total of five, in preparation for Reverse Lotus, the final and most powerful of his attacks. "**I'M TOO _SH_EXY**… **TOO _SHHHHH_EXY**…." All of the girls would notice him now! That is, all of the kunoichi who remained. A number of guys and gals had gone of streaking through the village, in various stages of dress and undress.

"Do you think we might have gone a bit overboard?" Jiraiya asked the amanojaku. "No… you're absolutely right… anything worth doing is worth _over_doing…." He smiled and took another long pull from a sake urn. It was good to have a kindred spirit. Speaking of which, he had forgotten about Naruto, who had picked up some of his habits and mannerisms during their stay together. "Hey… Susubori… change the damn channel!"

Down below, the scene was only slightly less tumultuous than the riot going on in the Recreation Center. Naruto and Hinata were still on the run, somehow managing to find the stamina they needed to keep one step ahead of Sakura. In turn, the pink-haired medical ninja was using every Taijutsu, Ninjutsu, and Genjyutsu skill she had, plus an odd assortment of talents and techniques given to her by the demon. Everywhere they went, things lay in ruin or disarray. As a result, crowds of workers and low level administrators followed in their wake, with wrenches, metal pipes, and clipboards in their hands.

"Hey… pay attention… damn you…." Forced to duck backwards, the perverted hermit chided the demon in the bottle. Lee had rushed one group of shinobi, flinging forks and knives like kunai. Moments later, he had to beat a hasty retreat, as tables, chairs, bowls, doorknobs, and the entire punch fountain came fling after him. "This is almost as dangerous as that time I got caught peeping on Tsunade." He needed to keep a close watch on the demon. Despite feeling a sense of camaraderie with the amanojaku, it wasn't _really_ a friend or ally. No doubt it would try to turn on him in some fashion, if he was foolish enough to let that happen. He also had to make sure that the spirit didn't take things too far with Naruto or the others.

Desperate, Sakura tossed a large number of kunai. They flew as swift as arrows, and in her mindless rage, they were meant to maim or kill. But, her hand guided by Susubori, they were actually part of the game, though far from harmless. Sparks flew and pieces or metal fell, when some of the weapons bounced off of gauges and regulators. A number of precise shots found the weak spots on canisters of propane. Others prompted frightened operators to push the wrong buttons or pull the wrong levers. The hissing sound was from gas this time, not giant serpents. A flight of shuriken caused more sparks, igniting a huge inferno.

"**Hold tight, Hinata!" **Naruto leaped over crates and slid under large racks of pipes and tubing. At any given moment, the girl was either clinging to his back, clutched firmly in his arms, or limping at his side. Pulling her with him, he ran this way and that, jumping off of any structure that offered support or provided the needed trajectory. Despite his valiant efforts, he was unable to find a way past the onrushing walls of flame. "I'm not going to give up!"

"Naruto-kun… _this _way… follow me…." Hinata had caught sight of something at the center of the cylindrical room. Breaking free of his grasp, she scampered across the floor on all fours like a mouse, ducking under large gushers of flame that shot sideways from punctured fuel tanks. Naruto quickly followed suit. Helping her, he pried up a large hatch and slid down into darkness, bumping painfully along the rungs of an unseen ladder. The hatch closed over head seconds before a huge wave of fire engulfed the site.

Sakura was impressed by the way that her quarry had eluded her. Susubori allowed her to have a change in heart, erasing every last shred of anger and hatred that he had caused. Making her way to the hatch, she was oblivious to the screaming workers and the rising streamers of black smoke that rose from charred debris. Her face and hair were soon covered with tiny bits of soot and flakes of ash. Without wondering what might be below, she followed after her two friends.

"**Naruto**… **Hinata**… **wait up**…." Her voice echoed through the access tunnel and the large sewer that made up the deepest part of the underground area. "I wasn't myself… I don't know what happened… I'm back to normal now…." She had to find them before they got completely away. She needed to do so before the terrified and furious laborers found the courage to pursue them again.

A sudden clatter sounded. Just as Sakura stepped into the light, she was surrounded by a large group of shadow clones. She offered no resistance as they held her still, so that Hinata could work _Hakke Rokujūyon Shō._

"I think she's telling the truth," Hinata said, not certain why she thought that way. She held off from closing off the sixty-four specific chakra points on an the other girl's body, which would have effectively eliminated her ability to use chakra for quite some time. . "I think we can trust her again."

"I hope you're right," a wary looking Naruto replied, ready for any kind of trick. He really didn't want to do anything to hurt his teammate; but, he would do whatever was necessary to restrain her. "She's never been one for tricks." He made a face, and scowled when he felt the after effects of countless bumps and bruises. "Then again, she hasn't ever chased after me trying to kill me, _either." _

"I'm… I'm sorry…." Tears came to Sakura's eyes and ran down her black soot-covered face, leaving gray trails. "I really don't want to hurt you." She pleaded with her eyes. "Promise of a Lifetime." She sniffed. "It was like someone was controlling me."

"OK," Naruto said. He knew exactly what Sakura meant, seeing all the things that he and Hinata had done, too. "That was one hell of a chase." Being who he was, he threw out his chest some and smiled. "As long as you admit that Hinata and I won." He nodded his head happily, seeing the look on Sakura's face. "But… I guess _that_ was to be expected…." That had Sakura clenching her fists; but, she was able to restrain herself. "Right?" He folded his arms over his chest. The clones all did the same.

"There's a bathing area over there," Hinata pointed. A large sunken pool area was flanked by a number of showers, inside of a nearby open door. The room seemed to be deserted at the moment. "You could clean up in there." After saying that, she gasped and sat down hard. Her ankle wouldn't bear her weight for long.

"Clean up?" Sakura sounded perplexed. Why would Hinata mention _that? _She and Naruto were somewhat grimy and dirty looking, but that kind of thing could wait until everyone got home.

Naruto simply smiled. Before long, he began snickering. Then, he burst out into loud laughter. The shadow clones followed suit, before they began disappearing in puffs of smoke. That had a miffed Sakura marching into the bathing area. She almost fainted when she looked in the first mirror she came across. Her face and hair were pitch black. Her shirt hadn't fared much better.

"Naruto, why don't you help Sakura wash her hair?" Hinata had no idea why she suggested that. She was also surprised that the other girl like the idea. Stranger yet, Naruto agreed to help, without making a single snide remark.

"You should probably take off all your clothes first," Naruto quipped, as he walked with Sakura towards the one sink in the large room that had a deep basin. That time, the comment was his own, not Susubori's. He wanted to see if the joke would send his friend into another murderous rage. It didn't. Oddly enough, she didn't even give him one of those mini-Tsunade punches that she often did.

"I thought you'd never ask." Likewise, that was Sakura's doing. She could play that game, too. Pretending she was going to disrobe, she began slipping the blouse up over her body. When Naruto put one hand over his eyes and then spread the fingers wide, she pushed her hand hard against his chest, sending him stumbling backwards, arms flailing as he tried to maintain his balance. There was a loud splash as he fell into the bathing pool.

"Naruto-kun…." Hinata couldn't help but grin. Naruto looked like a soaked kitten, his hair plastered to the sides of his face. As she watched, he spat out a long stream of water.

"I guess you really _are_ back to normal," Naruto said. He sounded as if he was convinced. He wasn't. Seeing a number of rails on either side of the large sink, he knew just what he would do. If Sakura was telling the truth, she'd forgive him. If she wasn't, it would given him and Hinata a head start. "I'll help you. You'll never be able to tell when the gunk is out of your hair by yourself.

"Thank you," Sakura said. When Naruto helped her lather up her dark and grimy hair, she felt her scalp tingle. There was a strange little feeling deep in her heart. She was touched by the gentleness he was showing. But, before she knew it, there was reason for her to lose her temper again.

"Not bad, if I _do_ say so myself." Naruto used a long flexible hose to rinse the soap out of Sakura's hair. "Maybe I should be a hair stylist or something." He had Sakura and Hinata both giggling, as he piled mounds of wet hair on top of his teammate's head. But, that was merely a way to catch her off guard. Before she knew what was happening, he moved swiftly, tying her hair to the railing. He couldn't help but wonder just where he had gotten an idea like that.

"What… this…" Sakura was stuck. It would take her some time to untangle that mess. "Naruto!" She started undoing the knots. "This… is… _not_… funny…."

"Let's go, Hinata-chan!" Naruto ran over to Hinata, took her hand, and pulled her out of the room, ignoring her protests. "This is the best way to be sure. We need to get back up to the village. Granny Tsunade should hear about everything that happened." He paused at the door. "Sorry, Sakura-chan!"

"**Oooh!" **Sakura's anger flared, eclipsing her better judgment and common sense. "That jerk!" She was royally pissed off, having been fooled like that, especially after she had begun to enjoy Naruto's attention. "_Owwww-owww-oww-ow_…." She had pulled up with all of her strength. Hair still attached, she yanked the huge sink along with her. Pipes were torn out of the wall. Support beams buckled. The entire section of the room collapsed. Smashing her fists against the dangling sink, she broke it into manageable pieces.

Once again, the events that took place deviated from the story of O-Kuni-Nushi and Suseri-Hime. As Naruto and Hinata ran, Sakura watched from a distance. But, she did not yield the point to them, not by a long shot. Moreover, she was _not_ going to let Hinata develop some kind of personal relationship with him. She just wasn't sure how she felt about the big blonde galoot. Furious as she might be, she couldn't help but feel a swelling of pride in her chest. He had tricked her good!

She would have a chance to catch up. Naruto slid to a halt, suddenly finding himself in a very different looking place. He hadn't noticed the exact moment of the transition, as things had blended together. But, the maze of corridors he found himself in looked, smelled, and felt different than the village underground. This place was familiar. All _too _familiar. The only difference from the past was that Hinata was still with him.

"I don't like this stupid place…." He didn't want to wrestle with the logic of it all. That always left his head hurting. He began walking again, passing through hallways that looked like they belonged to some kind of abandoned industrial site. Small pools of water dotted the floor, here and there. Every room they passed was dark, but radiated a sense of emptiness. Every room except one.

"Wh-… Wh-… What is _that, _Naruto-kun…." Hinata pointed to a vast enclosure, the front of which was made up of immense bars. She felt a chill pass down her spine. Her hand trembled.

"It's…." Naruto was faced with a very big dilemma. He no doubt had to speak with Kyuubi, since the demon fox had prompted this meeting. But, Hinata was with him. If he sent her away from him in this dream-like state, something bad might happen to her. However, if she remained, she would learn his secret. He wouldn't take risks with her life. As it was, she might be in grave danger. The Nine Tails had reason to keep _him _alive. It had no reason to be charitable when it came to anyone else. "It's a cage…."

"C-… C-… Cage…." Hinata swallowed hard, feeling an instinctive almost ancestral fear. What kind of thing would live in a cage like _that? _Where were they? Why did Naruto seem to know this strange place? In a day of frightful events, this had the potential to be the most unnerving of all.

"Yes," Naruto said. He would offer explanations later, if necessary. Making a face, he approached the Bijuu's enclosure. "What did you want, stupid fox?" That wasn't exactly the best way to start things off with the beast. But, if the damn demon didn't want something from him, it wouldn't have done this.

"**INSOLENT AS ALWAYS. I WOULD THINK THAT ONE AS STUPID AS YOU WOULD HAVE LEARNED THE PROPER WAY TO ADDRESS ME. SOMEDAY, YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE, AND I WILL MAKE CERTAIN THAT EVERYONE YOU CARE FOR DIES A PAINFUL DEATH."**

Great evil eyes opened, barely visible in the darkness of the cage. Hinata gasped, seeing them. A large snout pushed against the bars, finding them as unyielding as always. The teeth that showed were taller than both of the ninjas. The breath breathing between them almost caused the girl to gag.

"Some day I'll find a way to shove a giant sock in your mouth," Naruto replied. This kind of exchange was hardly a game, but he was used to it by now. "That, and give you a bath. What's it been, a thousand years since you showered?" Mention of bathing left him distracted for a moment. How was Sakura? She hadn't been brought here too, _had _she? No. She hadn't. He somehow knew that.

"It… it speaks…." Hinata wondered if she was delusional. That must be it! What other explanation _was_ there?

"**OF COURSE I DO. MUCH BETTER THAN THE PULING INSECTS THAT INHABIT THIS WORLD. IT'S A SOURCE OF GREAT SHAME, MY BEING SEALED INSIDE SOMEONE SO USELESS AND DEFICIENT. THE GREAT FOOL CAN'T EVEN SMELL THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM. BUT, WHAT DOES THAT MATTER? I HAVE KNOW MANY HYUUGA_SHHHH. _I WOULD PREFER FOR THEM ALL TO DIE."**

"Huh?" Naruto wished that he could read Kyuubi's thoughts the way that the big jerk could read his. First, there had been some kind of recognition of the Uchiha clan. Now, the Hyuugas. "What do you mean… how does Hinata feel about me…." His eyes narrowed. He clenched both hands into fists. "You better not be threatening Hinata, asshole!" Wait. It sounded as if the damn demon had slurred a word there. What was up with _that?_

"N-… N-… Naruto-kun…." Knees shaking badly, Hinata tried to focus on the one thing here that she could trust. Naruto. The demon's words had her feeling nervous for a number of reasons.

"If you're done with your usual stupid threats, are you actually going to tell us why we're here?" Naruto put his hands on his hips. He absentmindedly wondered if the other Jinchuuriki had to put up with crap like this. Oh. That's right. The number of mature Jinchuuriki had been greatly reduced through Akatsuki's abortive efforts. "Or was it because you missed me?"

"**AT LEAST YOU HAVE SPIRIT. THAT HAS SERVED US WELL IN THE PAST, WHEN IT DID NOT PLACE US ON DEATH'S DOOR IN THE FIRST PLACE. THERE IS SOMETHING THAT EFFECTS US ALL. THERE IS AN IGNOMINITY EVEN GREATER THAN THE ONE YOU IMPOSE UPON ME WITH EACH OF YOUR MEAGER BREATHS. WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND THE CRIME COMMITTED, YOU WILL WISH TO PUNISH THOSE WHO ARE DIRECTLY BEYOND THE REACH OF MY CLAWS."**

"_Now _you're talking!" Naruto stood more at ease, almost as if he was talking to a long time chum. "I knew something screwy was up."

Hinata still stared at the Bijuu, unable to tear her eyes away from it. Those eyes went very wide, when the tips of a number of great tails brushed up against the bars. One. Two. Three. Six. Nine. There were nine tails, or the illusion of such. But… that… would… mean….

"So… what's going on…." After asking that question, Naruto saw a number of images in his mind. One was of the large bottle he had brought to the party. He frowned, recalling that he had poured the contents of that bottle into the punch. The other pertinent image was that of someone very familiar to him. "Ero-Sennin! That's right. He must have tricked me somehow." He scowled and then pursed his lips. He now had access to recent memories that had been blocked off from him. "What was in the bottle?"

"**AN AMANOJAKU. A LESSER DEMON NOT MUCH GREATER THAN YOUR OWN LOATHSOME SELF. AN INTRUDER WHO MADE THE ULTIMATE AFFRONT, TOUCHING UPON MY DESMENSE AND SOILING ME WITH ITS TOUCH. ACTING UPON THE WISHES OF A HUMAN WHO IS NO MORE THAN A FLEA ON THE ASS OF MY EXISTENCE."**

"Hah!" Naruto actually gave the disbelieving Bijuu a 'V' sign. He smiled. "I'll have to remember that one. A flea on the ass of my existence." That was a great description of the Pervy Sage. "Kyuubi… poet…." His words had the great demon growling.

"Kyuubi…." Hinata brought her hand to her mouth. That thing was the Nine Tails? The creature that had wrought so much havoc on her clan and the village as a whole? Why was it here? _Where_ was here? How did Naruto know the legendary monster? This had to be a strange dream of some sort!

"So," Naruto continued, his anger and pride pushing his good humor aside. "That hairy old jerk did something that caused everyone to act crazy?" He wouldn't put that kind of thing past his former mentor. "Some kind of weaker demon." 'Weaker' was a relative term, considering everything that the spirit had done. "You want my help in getting revenge."

"**IF THE UCHIHA CHILD WAS HERE, I WOULD WANT TO WORK THROUGH HIM. HIS CHAKRA IS TAINTED EVEN MORE THAN MY OWN. BUT, I AM LIMITED IN THE TOOLS AT MY DISPOSAL. YOU TWO CRETINS WILL BE MY AVENGERS… RIPPING, TEARING, AND FEASTING IN MY PLACE. YOU OWE ME A GREAT DEBT, FROM THE TIMES I HELPED YOU IN THE PAST. EVEN ONE AS USELESS AS YOU SHOULD SEE THE DANGER IN DENYING ME NOW."**

"Sasuke isn't so great," Naruto answered by reflex. "And there won't be any ripping, tearing, or feasting." He put a hand on his forehead. "You really need a good hobby. I suggest Ramen or manga." He scratched the back of his head, feeling a need to give the cantankerous and contemptuous demon tit for tat. "I think knitting would be perfect. With fur like that, you could whip up some really great sweaters!"

Kyuubi made a tremendous effort, pushing against the unyielding bars with his full strength, saliva dripping from his snarling maw. The brutality of his hopeless actions had Hinata taking a few steps backwards. Her heart was beating rapidly. She couldn't speak.

"It's OK, Hinata-chan." Naruto spared a moment to comfort his companion. He could imagine what she must be going through. "I'll explain everything to you later, some day. That's my Way of the Ninja." He scuffed one sandal on the dusty floor. "Having that stupid fox inside me is a real pain in the ass, even though he's actually sealed behind my navel." He patted his abdomen. "I keep waiting to cough up a fur ball or something."

"**PATHETIC VERMIN. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THE HONOR BESTOWED ON YOU, JUST AS I DO NOT DESERVE THE INSULT DONE TO ME. YOU ARE A POX ON MY FLAWLESS LIFE, A MANGE I CANNOT BITE OUT OF MY PEERLESS COAT. DO NOT THINK THAT BY MOCKING ONE OF MY GREATNESS YOU GAIN ANY VALUE YOURSELF. I LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY THAT I CAN IMPALE YOU ON MY CLAW AND CRUSH YOU BETWEEN MY TEETH."**

"He gets like that sometimes," Naruto said, sounding far more nonchalant than he felt. He looked at Hinata and shook his hand in Kyuubi's direction, thumb out and other fingers folded. "The Fourth put him in this big cage. I wish he had thought to neuter him first." He knew that there could be Hell to pay for making that kind of wisecrack. He didn't care. He had suffered through too much of the Bijuu's insults. "Stuck up fleabag."

The temperature in the environment seemed to go down a few degrees. That had Hinata shivering for an entirely different reason. Kyuubi was seething so greatly, that the great beast had gone completely still. It was an ominous scene. She began to think that there was some basis of fact behind the things that she was witnessing. There was no way that she could imagine something so terrible.

"I'm pretty good with insults too, stupid fox." Naruto made a fierce face of his own, thinking back to his early childhood. "I've been picked on and put down for a long time. I don't need any more of that shit from you, no matter how great you think you are." That was vintage Naruto, alright. He was _not _about to back down, even though it might be the prudent thing to do. "If you want my help, I suggest you act a bit nicer. I want to get back at those jerks, too. But don't piss me off!"

"**IT DEBASES ME TO ADMIT IT, BUT I AM FORCED TO ADMIRE YOUR SPIRIT YET AGAIN. AS YOU WOULD NOT WASTE TIME INSULTING A WORM AT YOUR FEET, I SHOULD NOT TAINT MYSELF BY INSULTING YOU FURTHER. UP UNTIL NOW, I HAVE BLOCKED KNOWLEDGE OF THIS MEETING FROM THE AMANOJAKU. IT IS A SIMPLE MATTER, NOW THAT I HAVE THE UPPER HAND. YOU WILL CONTINUE TO BE SUSCEPTIBLE TO ITS INFLUENCE, UNTIL THE TIME I CHOOSE TO STRIKE. AS YOU HAVE A TALENT FOR TRICKERY, I SHALL ALLOW YOU TO AID ME IN MY PLANNING."**

"Now you're talking my language," Naruto said, rubbing his hands together. He ignored the final insult that the Bijuu had slid in there.

Far above them, watching the frantic and frenetic fiasco unfolding, Jiraiya was oblivious to his former apprentice's discourse with the nine-tailed fox. He knew that he had time for only one more big score, seeing that the shinobi who had left the party were raising some kind of ruckus in the quiet village. No doubt, the _Keimu Butai_ would be sending people to investigate, and none of them could be tricked into taking a drink of the demon liquor. If word had reached Tsunade, she might send a number of jounin to assess the situation. "Who should the lucky victim be?"

There were so many to choose from. Some had gotten this far unscathed, in relative terms. If he was going to be fair, he should pick one of them. He didn't. There was one ninja whose antics were impossible to ignore. Gai's favorite pupil. He had so much useless energy, even more than Naruto! There was no way that the Sannin was going to let _that_ go to waste. Now, the only question remaining was 'From where should he draw his inspiration, this time?' Hmmm-mm-m. Why not stick with Greek Mythology?

"Admittedly, the story _is_ a bit obscure," Jiraiya said to Susubori. "But… given everything that's going on down below… I think there may eventually be a way to tie everything together…." He nodded his head and grunted, finishing of the urn of Sake. "Knock yourself out." He grinned. "Or anyone else you choose…."

_After Proitos became king of Argos, a young man named Bellerophon came to ask him for purification. Bellerophon had accidentally killed his brother and, even though it was not a deliberate murder, he still had to leave his home and find a foreign king who would cleanse him of his unintentional sins. Proitos agreed to do this for Bellerophon, but while the young man was staying in Argos, Proitos' wife Stheneboia attempted to seduce him. When Bellerophon refused her advances, she went to her husband and twisted the story around, claiming that their guest had tried to seduce her. _

"_**Ahhhhh-hhhh-hhh-hh-h**…." _Lee went flying past like a green comet without a tail. He was in the full grasp of the Drunken Fist, unable to think clearly or control all of his actions. "Nejiiii-iii-ii-i!" Old feelings came back. Before the first Chuunin exams, he had wanted very much to fight his teammate and to best him. Neji had been thought to be amongst the best his generation had to offer. But, Naruto had gotten to him first; he himself had been severely injured by Gaara. "Dynamic attack!" He actually kicked through a short wall, one that partitioned off a small alcove in the rear of the party room.

Neji had been in the process of offering a flower to Ten Ten, wondering where his sudden surge of emotions had come from. The look of anticipation on her face was a miracle to him, even though she had already cozened a number of long kisses from him throughout the evening. That too had left him mystified. But, nothing was as surprising as Lee's sudden appearance in their midst. Taking two heals to the back of his head, he was thrown flat on the floor where he lay unmoving.

"My… my brother…." Lee was stricken. In some ways, Neji did remind him as a brother. Not bothering to check his teammate's pulse… or to simply look down at his writing near unconscious form… he came to believe that he had killed his friend. "I didn't mean it!" He staggered off in search for absolution.

Shikamaru had found an umbrella in a box used as a Lost and Found for the Rec Center. He had it open indoors, caring nothing about superstition. It was more important to keep dry from flying food and clean from plaster, brick dust, and flaking paint. Normally, he would have long since left the building. He had no logical explanation for his remaining there. Looking to the side, he sighed. Ino was still there gazing at him with adoration in her eyes.

"Is there room under there for _me_, Shikamaru?" The blue-eyed blonde sidled next to him. He took a few steps away from her.

"You need to forgive me," Lee said, walking over to join his two friends. As Shikamaru was a genius, and had been the first amongst them to make Chuunin, he would serve in the role of king. The green-clad shinobi didn't know enough to realize that Shikamaru's sudden attraction to Ino hadn't been their moments earlier.

"OK… alright… whatever…." Shikamaru sighed, grabbing Ino's hand. He eyed Lee uncomfortably, knowing the uncontrolled nature of Suiken. He had no idea what the other ninja was talking about. He didn't care. "Just make sure you get yourself under control." He hung his head. "Things are bothersome enough as it is." He closed his eyes. It didn't make everything go away.

Lee went to stand on the other side of Ino, where there was room. Seeing him there, the girl fell prey to Susubori's telepathic commands once again. Looking sultry, she leaned over and kissed an unsuspecting Lee. She forced her tongue into his mouth, causing him to jump.

"**_Uhhh-hh-h_**…" Lee's eyes went even wider than usual. He swallowed hard. Obviously, there was another effect of Suiken. More than his fist was drunk. His erection had appeared as if out of nowhere.

"You cad!" Ino slapped Lee hard on the cheek.

"She does that a _lot, _it seems." Nearby, Choji rubbed his own face. It was still sore.

"Perhaps it is that time of the month," Shino offered. "In that way, insects are superior to humans. The females do not suffer a similar problem."

"Heh!" Kiba laughed. "With Ino, _every_ day is that time of the month!" That had a number of listeners laughing along with him, much to Ino's chagrin. "It's only a problem for everyone else."

"What seems to be the trouble here," Shikamaru asked Ino. He coughed, catching sight of the tenting of Lee's green stretchy trousers. He had heard old wives' tales which insisted that men with big feet were supposed to have big… you know. But, he had never heard the connection made with men having huge eyebrows. He had no reason to feel inadequate. It wasn't the size that counts. It was how one used it! Then again, he had never used it. What an annoying subject!

"Lee just French-kissed me," Ino said. "Then he grabbed my tush."

_Proitos believed his wife's lie and gave Bellerophon a sealed letter to deliver to his father-in-law Iobates, king of Xanthos. There were restrictions imposed on those involved in purification rites that compelled the angry Proitos to find an indirect means of punishing Bellerophon for his alleged crime. The letter told Iobates kill the person who had brought it. When Iobates read the letter, he wanted to please his son-in-law; but, he knew that an outright execution would risk war against the Corinthians. He slyly sent Bellerophon to slay the Chimera, sure that he would never return alive. Each night, the monster swept down upon the valley and carried off women, children, and livestock. The bones of his many victims lay strewn along the mountainside. The population lived in constant fear. _

_The Chimaira had the front and rear end of a lion in front, a tail that was a large serpent, and mid-portion that was goatish in origin, horned third head included. It had wings and could fly, and the goat's head on its back could breathe fire. To fight against this monster, Bellerophon needed divine assistance. The goddess Athena gifted him with a magic golden bridle, which enabled him to ride the winged horse Pegasus._

_In a midair conflict between Bellerophon and the Chimaira, the hero was ultimately victorious, putting a lump of lead on the tip of his spear and thrusting it into the Chimaira's fiery mouth, causing the monster to swallow the molten metal and die of instant lead poisoning. Iobates then sent Bellerophon on a number of additional missions, hoping one of them would prove fatal to the young upstart. Helped only by amazing steed, the boy fought the warlike and wicked Solymoi, before taking on the Amazons, a fierce race of women who lived along the shore of the Black Sea. When Bellerophon returned alive and successful from each of these tasks, Iobates sent the best soldiers of his army to ambush him, but the young warrior killed all of them. Eventually realizing the futility of his intention, Iobates gave his daughter Philonoe to Bellerophon and named him as heir to his kingdom. The boy then returned to Tiryns, persuaded Stheneboia to ride with him on the winged horse, and threw her from the sky to her death._

"I was going to do that!" Shikamaru cringed, trying to reason his way out of the demon's control. He never shouted. He never planned to speak to anyone about his romantic intentions, not even Choji. And, he had most definitely would never French kiss anyone or grab their behind! He coughed between scowls. "I mean… why don't you go talk with Sai… he can tell you how to find forgiveness…." After saying that, he found himself pulled along by Ino, who was headed for one of the few intact closets remaining.

Naturally, Lee ran searching for Sai. He found the newest member of Team Seven sitting up on top of a cabinet, surrounded by a fortress of inked creations. Unaware, the demon kept his Suiken tendencies in check for the moment, so he didn't start tearing into the products of the other boy's _Chōjū Giga._

"_**Sai!" **_Lee waved his hand to get the other ninja's attention. "Shikamaru sent me to find you. For purification." He didn't bother explaining what he meant by that.

"Me?" Sai cocked his head. Why would anyone do _that? _And what exactly was purification? In 'Root,' that had meant clearing away all of his human emotions, to make him the perfect weapon or tool. But, in normal relations, it likely indicated something different all together. Maybe the opposite. Yes, that might make sense. Perhaps people should seek purification through peace. "I believe you should do your best to stop the fighting." That was ironic, since Lee's Drunken Fist routine was the thing that had gotten everybody stirred up in the first place.

"I'll do that, Sai-sensei!" Lee struck his most heroic pose. Sai wasn't actually his sensei. But, Sai rhymed with Gai, and that was enough for him at the moment. "The burning heart of Konoha should _never_ harm its own!" That was a bit of a paradox. He would need to fight to stop the fighting. But, that didn't matter. It sounded good.

At Jiriya's suggestion, the amanojaku momentarily sedated everyone one in the room except Kiba, Choji, and Shino. Effectively acting as if those three were Suiken users themselves, he sent them on a raucous rampage, destroying everything in sight. Bones form the rib roasts and legs of lamb littered the floor. That, taking in combination with unconscious partiers sprawled here and there, made the room look like it had been ravaged by some kind of terrible beast. To spice things up a little more, the demon decided to split the Chimaira into three separate parts. Using a powerful Genjutu, he left the three boys looking as they were, with the exception of their heads.

"_**Monshhhters!" **_Lee fell into a fighting crouch, moving in the strange and unnatural motions of the Drunken fist, his slurry speech back again. "Lion _sh_pirit!" He pointed to Choji, whose big round head appeared to be that of a demonic lion. "_Sh_erpent _sh_pirit!" He pointed to Shino, whose head now looked to be that of a giant hooded cobra. "Goat _sh_pirit!" He pointed to Kiba, and then rubbed his eyes. Susubari had decided on a more personal touch. "_Sh_orry. I mean Dog _sh_pirit!" He didn't notice that everyone was standing in a large oval now, content to watch the coming match. Everything seemed strange to them. It was going to get stranger yet.

"What the hell is he talking about," Kiba asked, ceasing his destructive behavior. He wiped the long streamers of slobber off of his chin.

"It could be anything, I guess," Shino replied. "The way things have been going tonight." He looked down at one hand and raised an eyebrow. He held a pay-phone that he had ripped from the wall. Coins were rolling around the floor at his feet.

"Does it really matter," Choji asked, looking in the direction that Shikamaru and Ino had headed off in together. He was coated with white dust like a giant jelly donut, having rolled through the walls at various points in the room.

"I will _shhh_top you all!" Lee concentrated, his face taking on a frightful look as he began opening his chakra gates. Or, more accurately, while he thought he was opening those gates. "For Gai _Shhh_ensei! And _Shhh_akura!" He charged into action, his bizarre movements hard to follow.

Jiraiya looked around the party room. It already looked like it had been hit by a cyclone. There might not be anything left when the green-suited boy was finished.


	5. Chapter 5

Apocalypse derives from the Greek word _apocalypses_, meaning 'unveiling.'

It was initially a term applied to the disclosure to certain privileged persons of something hidden from the mass of humankind.

The shinobi in the room were certainly privileged, Jiraiya thought. This had been a rather exclusive teaching session, courtesy of the wise and powerful Sannin of legend. But, the message he wanted to get across was anything but hidden.

"Well… you should all realize the dangers of alcohol…." The Frog Hermit took a long drink from a ceramic urn. He had Susubori make his words audible to the partygoers, while keeping his Transparent Escape Technique in use. The amanojaku chained the sound of his voice, so that no one could make out his identity. "Violent behavior. Injury. Emotional difficulties."

Technically, the Apocalypse refers to the unveiling of God in his guise as the Messiah, _not_ to all of the destruction of the earth which will accompany His Revelation of Himself to mankind. But, in common usage, the word apocalypse now commonly refers to the end of the world.

The latter interpretation certainly fit the ongoing destruction and devastation. Rock Lee was the human equivalent of the Energizer Bunny: he kept going and going and going. And, everywhere he went, something, broke, shattered, or flew to pieces. The four horsemen… Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death… would have stopped in their own endeavors, to take notes. It took the concreted efforts of Choji, Kiba, and Shino to hold off their inebriated friend.

"I hope you all appreciate this," Jiraiya said, hoping down from his high perch. He walked around picking up the scattered beer bottles that remained full and intact. Stashing all but one in his voluminous pockets, he waved that bottle in his hand as he spoke. "Alcohol is _not _for the faint of heart! It causes reduced physical coordination; diminished mental alertness; poor decision making; staggering; slurred speech; double vision; mood swings; and unconsciousness." With a flick of his thumb, he sent the bottle cap flipping through the air. Tilting back his head, he drained the bottle and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h…."

This was all so great. Some of it would be hard to believe, even for his most faithful readers. For the past few minutes, the boy with the bushy eyebrows had been traipsing about the room as he fought, waving his arms up and down as if they were wings, fighting only with his feet. Thanks to Susubori, the boy thought that he was riding a winged steed. Now _that _was comedy at its very best. But, too much of a good thing could get boring after a while. "Change it up a bit," the Frog Hermit said, tapping his finger on the top of the ornate demon bottle. He yawned and stretched after the amanojaku signaled its assent.

"_Tsūga!" _Kiba was growing tired, but he would not back down. "Piercing Fang!" He began spinning at a ferocious speed, preparing to use more powerful beastlike attacks against his opponent.

"_Mushi Bunshin no Jutsu_." Shino used the Bug Replication Technique to create an exact clone of himself, hoping to distract Lee long enough to make an attack from the rear.

"_Bubun Baika no Jutsu_." Choji used the Partial Multi-Size Technique. He increased the size of his right arm and hand, preparing to wield them like a giant sledge hammer.

"**_Ohhhh-hhh-hh-h_**…." Lee wasn't frightened in the least. The beast-headed demons he fought were powerful, but not powerful enough. He unwrapped the bandages on his arms.

"_Omote Renge!" _He dodged Kiba's attack while performing the Front Lotus, opening the first chakra gate for real this time, and giving himself five times his normal strength. Then, ever so quickly, he kicked the true Shino into the air, got behind him, and wrapped the bandages around him. Holding him firmly, he prepared to pile-drive his victim into the ground while spinning rapidly.

That kind of attack could have ended in death. At the Frog Hermit's command, Susubori had Choji increase the size of his larger hand two-fold. The boy then used it to cushion the fall of his friends.

"Fighting drunk can lead to death," Jiraiya pontificated, cracking open another brewsky. "To you… your allies… _and_ your friends…." He belched loudly and grinned. The man who invented beer deserved a statue. No, a whole damn temple! "But, it can also kill you slowly. Heart disease. Liver problems. Circulatory shut down. Peptic ulcers. Cancer. Irreversible brain damage."

The Sannin looked over at a group of drunken kunoichi, ignoring the fight that he had prompted. He smiled that sappy smile of his, the kind reserved for days when he watched bikini-clad beauties playing at the foot of a waterfall. While the guys had been caught up fighting and shouting, the girls had decided to express themselves in an entirely different manner, with a little help from the amanojaku.

Ino had left Shikamaru in a closet, after kissing him to the point of incapacitation. Ten Ten had come over after goosing Neji and telling him to keep his motor running. Along with a bunch of other girls, they had taken down the colorful curtains and fashioned them into long makeshift skirts. Forming a chorus line, they began the high-kicking motions of the can-can. Every time they lifted up their skirts, looking way too provocative for their own good, the perverted hermit spilled beer in his lap.

"Yes… well… ladies…." Jiraiya had to clear his throat. "I'm a very _big _believer in equality." Normally, for him, that meant every woman was equal, when it came to his clandestine 'research.' "These days, men and women are equal in more ways than ever before. But there are some big differences including…."

"**B-O-O-B-I-E-S!" **That shout came from some ninja that the Sannin was unfamiliar with. Wearing a lampshade, the staggering boy couldn't see where he was going. Walking too close to the dancers, he got kicked under the chin, somersaulting across the room.

"Ahem!" Jiraiya tried to keep a clear head. Now was not the time to start thinking about boobies. "As I said, there are big differences. Because of their higher metabolisms and lower bodily water concentrations, girls become intoxicated quicker than boys. And, the same amount of alcohol will affect a girl more. Over time, that also means earlier liver damage and heart disease. But that's not all."

He had to clamp his hand firmly over his nose, to keep blood from spurting every which way. A separate group of girls had congregated around the tall metal pole that one formed the core of a column that had been obliterated. Under Susubori's influence, they were dancing sensually with that pole… climbing it…spinning around it… and going inverted. Various pieces of clothing covered the floor nearby.

"I… that… as I was saying…" Jiraiya coughed repeatedly. "There is also a direct correlation between alcohol intake and sexual assault." His eyes bulged. It took all of his willpower not to give into his screaming libido. "Because drinking can lower a woman's awareness and reaction times, those who have too much alcohol are at greater risk of being the victims of dating violence."

One rather industrious gaggle of girls had collected various pieces of the ruined room and built a cage out of it. Drunk out of their minds, they each took their turn in the cage, performing one type of erotic dance or another. Clearly, that was an attempt by the demon to distract its de facto master, seeing that the other males in the room were kept unaware of something that normally would have drawn them like a magnet pulls iron.

"Give… me… strength…." The Frog Hermit fought the urge to rip off his clothing. He had forgotten all about his own cup of booze. "Couples who drink heavily together are more prone to violence, too. And… let me think… there are other dangers, too…." One girl was actually performing a strip tease. "Moderate to heavy drinking among women heightens the risk of breast cancer. Women are more vulnerable when it comes to brain damage as a result of drinking. And, like with heart and liver disease, that's not merely due to the issue of metabolism. There are gender-related differences in body chemistry." Damn. Why did he have to use the word 'body'?

"**_AHHHH-HHH-HH-H_**…." Rock Lee called out in triumph. Jiriaya had been otherwise preoccupied, and missed the stunning conclusion to the three-on-one fight. But, rather than bask in the light of his victory, the green-suited boy immediately looked for his next foe. "Evil women. My _Shhh_akura would never do that!" he had caught sight of the scantily clad girls. "You are ca_ssssh_y… ca_ssssht_y… ca_ssssh_ting a big _shhh_adow on the bright light of Konoha!"

"Oh… please… Susubori…." Jiraiya found that he didn't have complete control of the demon. Not only had he allowed himself to be distracted by the girls, he had imbibed far too much. He should have listened to his own device. "Not the dancers…."

If Lee was playing the roll of Bellerophon, then the laughing and cavorting girls were the Amazons. Women in classical Greek society were expected to be passive and dependent on males. That had not been true with the Amazons, just as it wasn't true with the startled kunoichi. When Lee came rushing into their midst, he soon found himself in a more difficult fight than before. This time, he had far more than three adversaries.

"**Death to all males!" **Ino shouted at the top of her lungs. She had strips of cloth wrapped across her otherwise bare breasts, and wore a loincloth made from the fabric that had been draped over one of the decorative tables. She held the broken shaft of a broom in one hand, shaking it as if it were a spear.

"And to Lee, too." Ten Ten taunted her teammate, holding up a platter that once held the stacked desserts. Now, for her, it was a shield. She was just as poorly clad as Ino, but that wasn't the big shock that almost did Lee in. She had let down her hair!

"Mate with him," another girl said. The Genjutsus that Susubori spun made it look like she was wearing a necklace of skulls, and a belt made from shrunken heads. _"Then _kill him!" Seeing Lee freeze in place, she ran over and gave him a big kiss, before Jiraiya was able to resume complete control. Because he was having so much trouble with the amanojaku now, he didn't make any further effort to stop the real-life B-movie, 'Lee vs. The Amazon Women.'

"**_OHHHHH-HHHH-HHH-HH-H_**…." Lee began powering up further, opening another gate. "Gai-_shhh_ensei has warned me about the danger_ssssh_ of women. I will not be fooled by your wicked womanly wile_ssssh!" _By now, the girls all carried some kind of shield or weapon. One was swinging a makeshift bolo, while others held onto an impromptu net.

"If only I had a camcorder," Jiriaya whispered. This was an epic event. He began wondering if he could somehow get the demon to transfer his memories onto film. Watching as the girls began circling Lee, he motioned as if he were a movie director. "Quiet on the set. And… roll'em…."

In Greek mythology, Hippolyta was an Amazonian queen who possessed a magical girdle that she had been given by her father Ares, the god of war. For his ninth Labour, the Heracles had been tasked with getting the girdle for Admete, Eurystheus' daughter. In one version of the story, Hippolyta fell in love with Heracles and freely gave him the belt. But, Hera spread rumors among the Amazons that Heracles was trying to kidnap their queen. The Amazons attacked, but were defeated by the Greeks, and Heracles gave Hippolyta in marriage to his companion Theseus. The Frog Hermit decided that there was nothing wrong with mixing myths together, if it was for a good cause.

"**Stop!" **Ten Ten stood in front of the other women. "Don't hurt him." She took off her loincloth, knelt, and held the garment up to Lee. Posing grandly, he accepted the cloth.

"Neji!" Lee called out. "Come collect your bride!" He stretched out his arm and placed Ten Ten behind him. "It'_sh_ time for me to _shhhh_ow the_shhh_e women who's bo_sshhhh_!" Of all the things he would do this night, that line would stick in everyone's head, and would cause him grief for months to come.

"L-… L-Lee…." Choji pushed painfully up from the ground. "C-… C-Could you make Ino _my _bride?"

"**AHHHHHH-_OOOOOOOO_-UHHHHHH!" **Ino called out with a blood-curdling yell, having heard that. She and the other girls charged, stomping over Choji, Kiba, and Shino on their way to Lee.

Sai was reclining against a ruined jukebox. Sketching rapidly on his pad, he had to stop when someone knocked the paper from his hand. It was three girls, each holding some kind of ersatz sword or polearm.

"You are one of the men chosen by Queen Ino for the mating ceremony," one girl said. She tied a rope around his wrists, and then hooked it to a similar restraint holding an irritated Shikamaru.

"Yes," another girl said. "You will be ours after we defeat the Bushy Boy." Her eyes had frightening fanatic look about them. "Male children will be put to death. Females will be kept and trained in hunting and the art of war." She looked over at Kiba, Shino, and Choji. Snapping her fingers, she pointed at them and gave orders to the other girls. "Hang them up like piñatas."

"Works for me." Even in dire straights, Kiba couldn't help put be very appreciative of the near nude female form.

"Ditto," Shino said.

"Lucky bastards," Jiraiya mumbled. He sighed. There was no reason to be envious. There was so much to see, literally and figuratively. Figures, indeed. He began drooling again, as he contemplated the fact that some language experts thought that word Amazon came from the Greek '_a-,' _an intensive, plus _mazos_, meaning breast. That would translate to 'full-breasted'. He frowned. "Spoil sport!" Susubori had reminded him that other authorities believed that the word came from '_a,'_ a privative, and _masso_, to touch. That would mean 'no touching.'

The battle between Lee and the demon-driven girls was over faster than anyone might have guessed. And, scarcely had the last girl hit the floor hard, when all of the male spectators took on the role of Iobates' best soldiers. Despite even greater numbers, they met the same fate as the would-be Amazons.

"**_Ooooo-ooo-oo-oh_**…." Lee stood on top of a pyramid of groaning ninjas, light shining off of his teeth. "S_hhh_akura… I'm coming…." Just as Iobates had given his daughter Philonoe to the victorious Bellerophon, Susubori promised the pink-haired girl to Lee. But, she was trapped in the underworld with that demon-master Naruto, and the sly seductress Hinata. They would pay, and the girl would be his.

Jiraiya ran his hand through his huge mane of hair. There were two women named Philonoe in Greek mythology. One had been Iobates' daughter. The other had been the child of King Tyndareus of Sparta and Leda. Artemis made that latter Philonoe immortal. He made a face, feeling somewhat critical of the demon's scripting. Neither girl had been taken to the underworld. But, he _had_ given the amanojaku artistic license.

"Leda… Leda…." The Sannin watched as Lee ran down the stairs to the basement area. What had he heard about Leda? "Ahhh. _That's_ it. Zeus. The randy S.O.B." The top god had gotten into the pants of countless women in the Greek Myths. He had seduced Leda in the guise of a swan, after falling into her arms to escape a pursuing eagle. Their consummation resulted in an egg, from which a girl named Helen hatched. She would grow up to be the beautiful Helen Of Troy.

As Rock Lee pelted down stairwell after stairwell, Naruto and Hinata ran along with Sakura, who had finally convinced them of her good intentions. Trying to make their way back topside, the trio kept running into mobs of irate warehouse workers and fire fighters. It took the concerted effort of _Kaiten_ and _Kage Bunshin _to get past the growing crowd without causing too many injuries. As it was, Sakura's medical arts were needed, to help a small number of casualties.

"Who knows what they might do if they catch us," Naruto said, his clothing already torn by numerous clutching hands. "No matter what, I won't let _anyone_ hurt you guys." The civic employees were villagers just like him. They wouldn't hurt girls, _would_ they? Then again, what if they thought he and his companions were enemy ninjas who had tried to sabotage their work areas?

"Naruto-kun…." Hinata hung on one of Naruto's arms, her natural feelings for him boosted by Susubori. She pulled him close to her.

"I trust you," Sakura said, holding the other arm. "With my body… and soul…." The emphasis that she put on the word 'body' sent shivers down Naruto's spine. She pulled just as hard as Hinata did.

"_Owwwww-wwww-www-ww-w_…." Naruto felt like the stuff they put in taffy pulling machines. Why were the two girls fighting over him this way? It must be the fault of the damn demon that Kyuubi told him about, right? Neither of them was really interested in him, _were _they? "Will… you… both… cut… that… out…." He pulled free from both grasps.

Things looked like they were about to get really frantic soon. They weren't just facing workers. They were facing workers _and_ their equipment. Some of the men surrounding them were firing up large acetylene torches. A few had gotten their hands on hulking forklifts. There were people hefting large mallets. There were others swinging long ropes with hooks on the end.

"I would do _anything_ for you, Naruto-kun." Hinata pushed her way past Naruto, and stood there, legs spread and arms wide. Her ankle was still bothering her.

"Big deal!" Sakura bulled past Hinata and tossed her hair. "I would do anything for him _twice!" _As means of demonstration, she struck her fist against an old graffiti covered wall. The structure soon crumbled into a pile of mortar-encrusted bricks.

"I've _always_ liked him," Hinata claimed. "Even when you used to hate him."

"So what," Sakura countered. "I like him a lot now. And, I _won't_ be afraid to tell him so."

Hinata clenched her fists. Sticking out her chin, she tapped into her demon-fueled bravery and used it to its best effect. Walking over to Naruto, she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a deep kiss. His arms shot stiffly out from his sides, and began blurring like the wings of a hummingbird.

Not about to be topped, especially with the amanojaku catering to Jiraiya's baser desires, Sakura strode over to her teammate, got down on her knees, and pulled down on his zipper. She paid no attention to the advancing multitude.

"**Sakura-chan!" **Naruto jumped as high as his legs could take him. "Don't _do_ that!" This kind of thing was always exciting in his dreams. He always thought that he would give half the ramen in Konoha to have two girls fighting over him. Well, not here. And not now! "That's it. Here. You can each have one of _these_." He created two Bunshin. "You can pull their arms off if you want. Just stay out of my way. And _no_ dirty stuff!" He scowled when the two disgruntled shadow clones gave him the finger.

With his two amorous companions in tow, Naruto began breaking a trail trough the congregating masses. Things were getting dicier, room by room. When they reached the chamber where he had fought the giant insects, he wondered how things could get any worse.

"**_Uhhhh-hhh-hh-h_**…." A green form flashed through the assembled workers, sending numerous men and women airborne, arms akimbo and tools flying from their grasp. "You fiend_shhh_… enemie_shhh_ of all that i_shhh_ good and right… what have you done with my _Shhhh_akura-chan…."

"Ohhh… great… Lee…." Naruto smacked a hand against his forehead protector.

"Save me Naruto!" When Sakura clung to her friend this time, there wasn't anything coquettish about it. She had turned as pale as a sheet.

Hinata was too busy to take offense at the medical ninja's natural response. What's more, there was no way she could _ever_ blame anyone for that reaction.

Naruto didn't feel inclined to push Sakura away this time. _Any_ girl had the god given right to be frightened of a love-struck Rock Lee. "Hurry. Both of you. This way." He would try and lead them on an end around, bypassing the charging Lee before he knew they were there.

"**Look out!" **Sakura yanked hard on Naruto's arm. Tugging him away from danger, she slipped on an unseen oil spill. Naruto lost his footing, too.

"Kaiten!" Grimacing in pain, Hinata acted. Sakura hadn't managed to pull Naruto far enough to the side. A worker with an axe had cut a series of cables. The taut wires had been holding a large stack of spare sewer pipes together. The massive metal pipes rolled off of one another, speeding across the floor in their direction. The sheer force of her Heavenly Spin managed to deflect the oncoming doom, bust just barely.

As for Naruto and Sakura, they had landed all tangled up with one another. Had the two shinobi been naked, an innocent bystander might think they were in the middle of something rather steamy. "Naruto! Get… off… of… me!"

As fate would have it, Lee ran up just as Sakura spoke those words. Taken out of context, the sight that he saw left his blood boiling. Furious beyond all reason, thinking that his beloved Sakura was being compromised by someone sworn to protect her, he began preparation for _Ura Renge_, the Reverse Lotus.

"**U_ZZZZH_OMAKI NARUTO**… **EVIL RAVI_SHHHH_ER OF WOMEN**… **PREPARE TO MEET YOUR WELL-DE_SHHH_ERVED DOOM**…." Lee's voice rang out across the large expanse.

He intended to use the more destructive version of the Front Lotus. This time, he did not stop at one gate. While only three chakra gates were needed for this move, five were activated. Because so many gates would be in use, he would only have one chance to defeat his foe, since he probably wouldn't be able to stand afterwards. Because of the speed and force of his attack, there was a good chance that it would prove fatal for his opponent.

"Shugohakke Rokujūyon Shō," Hinata called out. "Protection of the Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms." She would do anything to save Naruto, even if it meant stepping in front of Lee's deadly attack. "I won't let you hurt my Naruto-kun!" This was her ultimate defense, a combination of her _Kaiten_ and _Hakke Rokujūyon Shō._

Naruto clearly realized just how much danger he was in. He had seen Lee use his forbidden technique during the Chuunin exams. His friend was even stronger now, more on par with Maito Gai. He considered using his wind-based jutsu, but couldn't bring himself to perform that on a friend. Still beneath him, Sakura did what she had to do. Placing both feet under her teammate, she kicked with all her strength, sending Naruto far into the air. If Lee's attack connected, it would connect with her.

High above them, Jiraiya hoped that the demon he had loosed on Naruto and the others hadn't been a Trojan Horse, far more dangerous than he ever had reason to believe.

"**_Nooo-oo-o_**…." There was no way that Lee could stop his move. He realized too late who his end target would be.

Looking down from above, Naruto worked his hand seals as quickly as he could. Even so, he knew that the large number of clones he was creating would never pop into being in time to make a difference. Time seemed to slow. If he had grown up hearing Norse Legends, he might have found himself wondering if he had stumbled upon Ragnarök, the battle at the end of the world. Had he been a Viking warrior, he would be happy. To them, dying in battle was admirable. What's more, in that great myth, the gods already know through prophecy what is going to happen… when the event would occur…who would be slain by whom… and so forth. They fought, even though they were powerless to prevent their fate.

Naruto didn't know if anyone as going to die here. If someone did, he would _never_ accept it. Even if they all made it out somehow, that damn Ero-Sennin was going to pay. He wouldn't forgive _anyone_ who put his friends in danger. At least, not until he had his chance at a comeuppance to beat all comeuppances.

What happens when the irresistible force meets the immovable object? No one could say for sure. But, at that moment, between those combatants, and with a demon pulling the strings, a reprieve was granted to everyone involved. As Naruto plummeted back towards the ground, Hinata emitted a constant stream of chakra from her palms, creating extremely sharp chakra blades. With her natural flexibility, she had the ability to reach any point around her, allowing her to hit any target within her field of vision. Moving faster even than Lee, she managed to turn aside his attack even before the amanojaku did. That left the bushy eye-browed boy sliding hard along the flow on his face, body bent and feet in the air. His face stopped inches from Sakura. Extremely weak, he still managed to pucker his lips.

"Get away!" Sakura slapped her hand hard on the concrete floor, causing large chunks to break free and fly upward, Lee along with them.

Naruto hurried to Hinata's side, supporting her. His smile somehow looked bigger than his face. **"Hinata! You Rock!" **That had the white-eyed girl blushing.

"Hey!" Sakura definitely didn't like the one-sided praise. _"I _rock, too." She pointed to the fractured concrete. That looked like rocks.

"M-… My… My _name _is Rock…." Lee raised one hand towards Sakura, and then collapsed amongst the rubble. But, seconds later, he raised him self back to his feet inexplicably. It was a mystery only to him, since Naruto and the others had been told about the demon in the bottle. Somehow, the spirit had managed to reverse the effect the Lotus had on Lee's body.

"Even Kyuubi can't do _that_," Naruto said, making a face. "It looks like we need to make a break for it. Sakura, you help Hinata. I'll try to hold off Bushy Eyebrows." Neither girl wanted to be the first to leave Naruto. They both stood as if glued to the floor. "Do it before everyone gets their courage back." The display of power had caused the workers to have second thoughts.

"You will not _shhh_top me," Lee said, thumbing his chest. "I am the Ninja of Love!"

"That could be his weakness," Hinata said. Remembering what she had been through upstairs, she came up with a plan. She whispered it to Sakura, who vehemently shook her head. "For Naruto," she added. "It will be _your_ turn to shine."

"OK," Sakura said, looking as if she had swallowed something exceedingly sour. "But if you tell anyone…."

_Despite his apparent invincibility after acquiring Pegasus, Bellerophon was defeated on two separate occasions. The first defeat came right after he had conquered the Amazons. Praying to his father Poseidon, who sent a great wave against the Lykian city of Xanthos, the hero rode up to the walls and called out a challenge. The men stayed inside in helpless fear; but, the women came out, lifted up their dresses, and exposed themselves. The wave receded. Pegasus was frightened, and Bellerophon was forced to retreat in shame. His second failure came at the end of his lofty career. Brimming over with hubris after his many victories, he decided to fly up to Mount Olympus to test the strength of Zeus. The great god saw him coming, and sent out the Oistros fly, which stung Pegasus beneath the tail. The frenzied horse began to buck, and Bellerophon was thrown off to the Lykian plain below. _

"I think I see where you're going with this," Jiraiya said, sweating profusely after his victorious mental wrestling match with Susubori. "Let's spice it up a bit. I really like certain parts from the legend of Ishtar and Tammuz. I meant to use that story earlier, but forgot." He walked over to listen by the door leading out to the street. Every additional minute he stayed there put him at some risk. It was just about time to take down the tents and move the circus on to the next town.

_In Babylonian mythology, Ishtar was sometimes considered a war-goddess, and at other times seen as the goddess of love and voluptuousness. In her youth, she gave her heart to Tammuz, the god of the harvest. According to Gilgamesh, Ishtar's love caused Tammuz' death, and she was stricken with such tremendous grief that she vowed to descend into the Underworld to rescue him. After threats gained her entry through the door to that dour place, she preceded through each of its the seven precincts. At the gate to each she was forced by Allatu, queen of the Underworld, to remove one piece of her dress. Her crown. Her earrings. Her necklace. The jewels from her breast. Her girdle of birthstones. Her wrist and ankle bracelets. Finally, the garment covering her nakedness. _

_When Ishtar entered the realm of Allatu in a rage, the queen ordered her to be imprisoned forever among the dead. The earth became desolate, and the heavens mourned, much the way that they had in the myth of Amaterasu. The god Ea sent a man to Allatu with a magical spell. That spell forced the queen to sprinkle Ishtar with the water of life and return her to the earth. As Ishtar exited the gates, she was bestowed the adornments she had lost. In some versions of the tale, she was able to work a deal to have Tammuz's half-sister take his place in the Underworld for six months out of every year. That part was reminiscent of the Greek myth of Persephone and Hades, amongst others,_

"I have to stay for this part," Jiraiya said. The amanojaku power extended over a finite range, and he didn't want to miss the extravaganza that was about to take place. No guts, no glory! "This is merely for Naruto's benefit, of course. It's a way to make up for everything that he's been through." The demon didn't buy that for an instant. "I wonder if Ishtar had pink hair."

Down below, Naruto ran a zig zag course through the various rooms of the underground area, Hinata in his arms. Running a few steps behind him, Sakura tried hard to work up the courage she needed. Blowing hearts after her every chance he got, Lee stayed hot on her trail. The workers had long since retreated. They had a lot to clean up.

"Sakura-chan… this way…." Naruto kicked open a door and jumped through.

"Drop something at each door," Hinata called out. Connected to Susubori, she had an idea what the demon's plan was. "Don't look back, Naruto-kun." She should have known better than to say that. In a number of different myths, the gods granted mortals special considerations with just that same caveat. Naturally, to give the stories impact, the poor fools always looked.

"He can if he wants too," Sakura said, mortified the moment the words left her mouth. The amanojaku could only cover up so much of her normal feelings. But, all things considered, it might just give her a leg up on Hinata. "Here goes…." leaping through the same door, she let her blouse drop to the ground behind her. If it had been her choice, she would have started with a bracelet.

Naruto tried to watch out of the corner of his eye. He ran smack dab into the next door, forgetting to open it first. Luckily, he had turned to the side at the last moment, spring Hinata any of the impact. Feeling a bit woozy, he saw stars. Looking down at the girl in his arms, he swallowed hard. She didn't look too happy.

"Hurry! He's catching up!" Sakura felt a sweat drop on the side of her face. There was only one thing worse than Lee catching up: that was Lee catching up when she was only partially dressed!

The chase resumed. Sakura continued to drop clothing at each of the doors they passed through. After her blouse, she had stripped off her skirt, bracelet, left earring, and right earring. There were two more doors to go, until they could pass through the refuse room and reach the stairs. She was down to her bra and panties. If Naruto and Kyuubi didn't get back at Jiraiya, _she _would. Tsunade would help her. She was certain of it. Then again, did she _really_ want her mentor to find out about any of this?

"I never really noticed before, Sakura-chan." Naruto had looked back a number of times already. He had paid the price each time. Either he was a very slow learner, or some things were simply worth the pain. "You've got nice legs." This time, it was a sharp elbow from a miffed Hinata that had him falling to one knee.

"Naruto, you…." Whatever Sakura was going to say was lost when she ran into a support column. He wobbled around, hand on her head, wondering if she could go on. Why had Naruto's mark distracted her like that?

"**_Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h_**…." Lee ran right through a similar support column, his eagerness replacing common sense. "Those_ssssh_ legs_hhhh_ belong to me, you de_shhhh_picable pervert!"

Suddenly, all of the butterflies were gone from Sakura's head and stomach. She was ready to run again, with a new found sense of purpose. Seeing that the gap had closed too much for her liking, she began demolishing columns as she passed, leaving them to fall like stone trees in front of her pursuer.

"Here comes another door…." Naruto called out.

"Give it a rest, Naruto-kun." Hinata reached up with both hands and kept his face looking forward.

Only seconds after Sakura's discarded brassiere hit the floor, the trio passed though the final gate. The panties joined the other undergrment as they ran between the huge garbage dumpsters. But, Lee did _not _stop dead in his tracks as Lot's wife had, when she turned into a Pillar of salt after looking back at the condemned cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.

"It didn't work!" Sakura was ready to pass out. Given a mouth and voice, every cell in her body would be calling out in horror, begging for help.

"Killer birth mark, though." Naruto made a face much like one of those he Frog Hermit used. He pointed somewhere on Sakura he shouldn't have.

"**Hah!" **Up above, Jiraiya was too involved to notice the growing commotion outside of the Rec Center. "_That's_ my boy!" He had taught the younger ninja something besides Rasengan! "OK, Susubori. You know what to do. Back to Bellerophon."

It was Hinata's turn to get in on the action. She fought the amanojaku control with every last ounce of willpower she had, but to no avail. Hopping down from Naruto's arms, a place she had come to feel strangely comfortable despite her pain, she tossed aside the coat that she had 'borrowed' soon after the beginning of their underground trials and tribulations. Biting her lip, she slid her last remaining piece of clothing down along her legs.

"What about _my_ birthmark, Naruto-kun?" A demon-driven Hinata remained bent over like that, until she heard something heavy hit the ground. Naruto had fallen like one of the columns, blood shooting up out of his nose.

"Sniff." Jiriya wiped a tear out of his eye. "The boy never knew his parents. I felt like a father to him while we trained." He brushed away another tear. "Every father waits for a moment like this. My boy's a man." Susubori offered the Frog hermit the psychic equivalent of a hankie.

At first, it looked as if the combined efforts of the two naked girls was finally enough to stop Rock Lee, the green-suited juggernaut. He staggered. He bumped into walls. His mouth opened and closed like that of a flopping fish. For a few moments, his eyes had rolled up in his head. But, clenching his fists and taking tortuous step after tortuous step, he slowly made his way towards Sakura.

Jiraiya truly viewed himself as a benefactor of sorts. He had wanted Naruto to be the first to enjoy the sights. But, how could he stunt the emotional growth of the other boys? A big grin lit his face when Kiba and Choji lead a charge down the stairs. Seeing that the boys were up to something, the girls soon followed suit.

"Nice… uhhh…." For once, Naruto was able to control his tongue. It was another part of his body he was having trouble with. "Nice try, girls." He coughed. It was his turn again. "_Kage Bunshin No Jutsu!" _He flooded the garbage area and the adjacent rooms with shadow clones. He hoped they would give them enough time to at least make it up the stairs. But, then what? If Hinata and Sakura left their clothes down here….

His concerns were moot, but not unfounded. The two girls in their birthday suits wouldn't face the embarrassment of running up through a party room full of boys. Pushed along by the others, Sai and Shikamaru started the ring of revelers that surrounded Naruto and the girls

"Name your price," Kiba said to Sai. "If you draw me a sketch of that."

"I'll double it," Choji said, snot shooting out of both nostrils.

"Triple," Shino said, shocking everyone.

Ino and the girls arrived just as Lee had polished off one remaining Bunshin. They were all still dressed in their Amazon attire, and soon found themselves back in that mind set. Queen Ino pointed to Lee. Ten Ten, best at Taijutsu, stepped forward.

"**_OOOOO-OOOO-OOO-OO-OH_**…." Lee went cross-eyed when the knife that his teammate tossed struck him 'below the tail.' He fell hard to the floor. There was nothing that the demon could do for him this time, even if it had wanted to. The Oistros fly had done its job.

The ersatz Amazons all began throwing clothes down to Hinata. At Ino's command, they held off helping Sakura in the same manner for a few moments. Just the same, despite the griping coming from the drunken boys, the two girls were completely dressed in record time.

"Hey! Great job, guys!" Naruto turned and gave Ino and the others a big 'V' sign.

"'Guys'?" Ino mouthed, narrowing her eyes. She tossed her hair and held her makeshift spear high. "Amazon warriors, who was it that led our sisters down to this pit of depravity?"

"Uzumaki Naruto," the assembled girls answered, banging weapons against serving platters and garbage can lids.

"Sisters," Ino continued, her voice loud and filled with emotion. "Who was it who forced them to behave in such shameful fashion?"

"_Uzumaki Naruto!" _The girls all raised their voice and rattled their shields and weapons.

"Hey… but…." Naruto began to realize just how Sakura must have felt with Lee hot on her heals. "The demon…."

"Forget the Bushy Boy!" Ino held both of her arms in the air. "Who should we fight now?"

"She's such a drama queen," Shikamaru grumped. "So bothersome."

"**U-Z-U-M-A-K-I! -N-A-R-U-T-O!" **The combined shouts carried to the rafters high over head. Before the echo died, the girls were barreling forward.

"Shit!" Naruto felt as if someone had walked over his grave. This didn't look good. "Hey! Sakura! Hinata! A little help…."

"I think he deserves this, don't you?" Sakura still looked pink in the face.

"Mmmm _hmmmm_." Hinata nodded her head. She crossed her fingers just the same and whispered "Naruto-kun."

"Thanks a lot!" Naruto formed a fresh wedge of shadow clones. He had to make a run for it. But, he was not going back into that labyrinthine underground. No freaking way! Live or die, he was going up the stairs and out of the Rec Center. He wouldn't be able to give the hairy old pervert what he deserved if he was lying in the hospital wrapped in a full body cast! "Make me a path guys!" Speeding up behind the rolling wave of Bunshin, he paused momentarily to whisper in Ino's ear, since she seemed to be the instigator. "Love the loincloth. Bet Choji does, too."

"**Kill**… **kill**… **kill**… **kill**…." Ino's face was a thing to behold. "**Then kill him some more!**"

At the top of the stairs, the Frog Hermit refreshed his _Tōton Jutsu _and made his way out of the building, the amanojaku bottle strapped on his back. As a squad of Konoha Keimu Butai headed towards the party site, he took one final look behind him. The place looked like it had been struck by a series of tsunami, each one larger than the last.

"I'm such a good teacher," the Sannin said. "I deserve some kind of reward." Stepping into the chill night air, he breathed in deep, filling his lungs. That felt so good. But, he immediately went on guard. He caught a whiff of perfume. Perfume, and hospital disinfectant.

"I should have known this was _your_ doing." That was Tsunade. Surrounded by a full ANBU squad with their masks on, she didn't sound too happy.

"Ohhh. Hello, Tsunade." Jiraiya sighed. "Nice night for a walk, eh?"


	6. Chapter 6

The streets were busy for that time of night.

But, the traffic was mainly made up of municipal police, ANBU, and angry townspeople.

Reports were trickling in, about the numerous problems that had arisen after drunken revelers began sweeping through the village. Anyone who wandered into the Rec Center soon exited, aghast.

"On a much smaller scale, things look worse than after the Sand and Sound attacked." Uzuki Yugao removed her mask. The appearance of the party room had been hard to comprehend at first: that had been caused by shinobi of the Leaf, not some invading enemy.

"That's no exaggeration," Shizune said, looking exhausted. She had just gotten off shift, and wanted to collapse on her bed. Instead, she had work to do. "There's a great deal of smoke coming out of vents. The fire fighters paint a pretty bleak picture." She had been sending medical teams down access ladders, telling them to check for any one suffering from smoke inhalation or burn injuries.

"It stinks like alcohol in there," Anko said. She had happened by, during one of her nocturnal jaunts. "There are bottles _everywhere_." Unbeknownst to her or any of the others, Jiraiya had been sending the partygoers out to bring back beer and sake on a continuous basis. "I suggest you send people down below. There's a great deal of noise coming from the basement."

"There's no need for that!" Naruto slid into view, looking the worse for wear. "The girls are all on my tail!" That was an apt choice of words. At the moment, he was in his 'one-tail' Kyuubi form. "The guys won't be too far behind them."

"**Naruto!" **That was Tsunade. "Front and center. _Now!" _She was standing by a rather disconsolate looking Frog Hermit. The demon bottle stood at his feet. His hands and feet had been bound by the ANBU members, after the Hokage had hit him with an unbelievably powerful _Ranshinshō. _She had fought the urge to follow up with _Isshi Rensshin _or_ Tsūtenkyaku._

"That's right!" Jiraiya threw out his chest, feeling somewhat wrongly accused, even though he knew very well that things were his fault. "The boy can tell you. This was all for _their _benefit. Not only was it fun, but it was educational." He made a face when his former teammate glared at him in disgust. "They all learned about the dangers of alcohol first hand, not through some stuffy and forgettable lecture." He was using his own techniques to reverse the effect of the Hokage's jutsu. Before long, the flow of electricity in his nervous system would be back to normal. He felt like cursing, when Susubori refused to help.

"Wow! Granny Tsunade! That was some mess!"Naruto turned and glowered at his hairy mentor. He was very glad that Ero-Sennin hadn't been able to pull off another of his patented escapes. Oblivious of the crowd around him, and spurred on by a mix of relief and excitement, he blurted out something he should have kept to himself. "But… to be fair… without that… I _never _would have gotten to see Hinata and Sakura naked…."

Hidden by the darkness, Kakashi stood on top of one of the lamp posts whose lights were turned off. He sighed, hearing Naruto's slip of the tongue. When would that boy ever learn? Scratching his head, he didn't want to contemplate what the training sessions for Team Seven might be like over the next few weeks.

"That was a little too much information," Kurenai said, walking up. She looked over at the Frog Hermit, making the same kind of face that she did when she came upon long dead bodies on a battlefield. She shivered. What would happen when word of the events reached Hyuuga Hiashi and the clan elders?

"Yes. It certainly was. We'll talk about _that _later." The look she gave Naruto promised a long private lecture of some sort. "For now, I want to know everything that happened." She waved her hand. Enlisting the aid of the Konoha Keimu Butai, the ANBU squad began moving the crowd back out of earshot.

"You came to the right guy, then!" Naruto hooked one thumb in his armpit. Lowering his voice, he finally managed to be a paragon of discretion. He might have blurted things out; but, it wasn't as if word wouldn't get out eventually. Something like that was unavoidable. "But… I should keep things private _this_ time…." He said that for Jiraiya's benefit. He didn't want his former teacher to know that he was well aware of the amanojaku and its abilities.

Standing alone with the Hokage, Naruto began telling her everything that he knew, while keeping one hand firm on his necklace. A number of times, he felt the bottle demon trying to control his speech. Kyuubi easily blocked those efforts.

"An amanojaku?" Tsunade raised one eyebrow. Then, she frowned, her face clouding over like a dark and ominous sky. That would explain Jiraiya's and Orochimaru's actions, long in the past. It seemed that another of her fellow Sannin's crimes had come to full light. "I see. That would explain a _lot _of things." She sighed. She felt a headache coming on. "There's something you are dying to tell me…." She knew Naruto very well. He was shifting his weight from one foot to another, an eager look on his face.

"Kyuubi knew about the other demon," Naruto said. "He wasn't too happy. I think he was madder than _I_ was." He looked back at the Frog Hermit and made a face. "I bet he can…." He paused, hearing a great increase in noise. Still under the effect of Susubori, the wannabe Amazons streamed out onto the street, making efforts to shake off the hands of concerned friends and police officers. "Damn…."

"Does Kyuubi have some way of stopping all that?" Tsunade had shrewdly guessed some of what was on Naruto's mind. She tapped her well manicured fingernails against her cheek. "Some way that might be a great deal more satisfying than dragging that hairy idiot off to prison and locking him behind bars?"

"_That's _why we made you Hokage, Old Lady," Naruto said, a large smile lighting his face. He felt a bit of relief when Kurenai, Anko, Yugao, and the others managed to corral Ino and company. "Once I get hold of the bottle, the stupid fox can start doing what he wants to the other demon. And, if you can do that trick of yours again…." He was referring to the _Ranshinshō. _"…I can get Ero-Sennin to take a drink. The two things combined might leave me in control."

"Of Jiraiya, you mean." The Hokage gave Naruto a very piercing look. Things were bad enough as it was. She didn't want to think what might happen if Naruto gained command of his fellow drunken partiers. That bottle was a very dangerous thing. She would have to take steps to prevent any similar occurrences in the future.

"**Right!" **Naruto said, rubbing his hands together. Jiraiya had it coming. He wasn't certain what he wanted to do yet; but, whatever it was, it would be good! "Just give me the bottle. I won't abuse it. I promise." He had guessed her concern. "That's my Way of the Ninja."

"Alright." The Hokage stood staring at Naruto for a moment longer. The young scamp had trained with her fellow Sannin, after all. Then again, anything he did now would catch up with him later, if he tried to carry the nonsense any further. No. There wasn't any reason for concern. She knew the boy well enough to trust him, regardless. And, if the look on his face was any indication, he had a bone to pick with the hairy troublemaker.

"Naruto…." Jiraiya looked a bit worried when the two returned. Naruto had a penchant for finding rather creative solutions to problems. "Remember all that I taught you… all of the good times we shared…."

"My frog purse," Naruto said, walking over to lay his hands on Susubori's bottle. He needed to establish communication, or have Nine Tails do it for him. He had to hurry, since the drunk shin obi were threatening to overrun the peacekeepers, or force the authorities to take serious measures to prevent a riot. "All that hard training… while _you _were drinking sake and pinching women's butts."

"Hey! You got your chance to pinch quite a few, too!" The Frog hermit grinned, seeing Naruto flinch. Then, he realized that he wasn't helping himself. Hmmm. So what! There was probably nothing he could do or say at this point that would make a difference. "There was one particularly pretty woman who…." Glancing over at Tsunade, he smirked. She looked ready to burst.

"Na… _rooo-oo-o_… to…." Sakura didn't look too pleased herself, standing there with a large table cloth wrapped around her.

"Naruto-kun…." Hinata kicked at a rock on the side of the street, the curtain she was wearing blowing in the wind.

"Don't forget Rasengan," Jiraiya said. He felt compelled to list some of the positive things he had accomplished, not that his bragging would influence the chesty jury of one who was preparing to use her jutsu again. "And… the things I helped you learn about you know who…." Joking around and causing a wee disturbance was one thing. He was far too responsible to mention Kyuubi's name.

"'Train on your own, Naruto… I need to buy more sake… none for you'." Naruto closed his eyes, feeling a subtle pressure on his mind. He also felt a sudden surge of blood thirstiness, which must have come from the Bijuu sealed within him. "Do all these chores, boy… I can't keep the lovely ladies waiting… you're too young for that kind of stuff'." He concentrated as hard as he could, trying to break through somehow. "'What do you need all that money for, any way… you would just waste it on noodles and squid'." Success! He was in contact with the amanojaku. So was Kyuubi. Needless to say, the demon in the bottle wasn't about to put up any resistance or try any tricks.

"Any luck?" Tsunade had the ANBU squad ready, surrounding Naruto. She was not about to take any chances. The boy was very strong in his own right, and could be a big threat to the village if the demon possessed him. She swallowed hard, thinking something later than she should have. What if the amanojaku somehow was able to free the Nine Tails, or at least bring Naruto to his four tail form or worse? Whispering in the ear of Yugao, she sent the other woman off to find Yamato, just in case.

"Yes," Naruto said, suddenly looking very tired. When he staggered a bit, both Sakura and Hinata rushed to help him, surprised at their own actions. The demon no longer had any hold on them, or anyone else who had tasted the liquor. "I can have the demon do whatever I like." He put both hands behind his head and looked over at the perverted hermit. "He has some pretty good ideas, Ero-Sennin…."

"**I told you not to call me that!" **Jiraiya looked over at the bottle. "Traitor!" If he ever got his hands on that bottle again, he'd put it some place where no one would ever find it again. "_Both_ of you…."

After Naruto told Tsunade his plan, she did what needed to be done. Jiraiya's talents were so great, that he was almost able to break free. To make double sure, Tsunade added something to the demon liquor. It was the same substance she had spiked his drink with, back when he and Naruto had come to offer her the chance to be Hokage. With all that working against him, he soon became completely manageable.

"You know… if we could get Sasuke to drink some of this…." Naruto's sudden inspiration had Sakura's eyes widening. His mind began thinking up fanciful ways to convince his missing friend to return. To return and actually be a friend again. "But… I guess… if he didn't want to change on his own…."

"It wouldn't mean much," Tsunade said. "And it wouldn't last. Some lessons work better than others." The look she gave her fellow Sannin could have peeled whatever paint remained on the walls of the wrecked party area. "You know how _you _would feel, if you were tricked…." That had her setting her jaw and clenching her fists. She hoped that Jiraiya's 'little' lesson didn't backfire horribly.

"I know how _I _feel." That was Ino. She blushed suddenly, realizing that she was still in faux Amazon attire. She had mixed feelings about the memorable night.

"You smell like pork," Tsunade noticed. How did _that_ happen? Maybe she didn't really want to know. No doubt the story would show up in the Frog Hermit's work in the future. She wished there was some way that she could block him getting any profit out of it.

"I _could _say 'Ino pig'," Sakura said to Hinata. "But, I'm bigger than that." She smiled. Ino had heard.

"In the forehead, maybe." Ino said. She sought some way to wipe the smile off of her contentious friend's face. "You _still_ have some areas that need to catch up. We all saw that, during your shameful little show." She grinned, seeing Sakura turn red.

"**Hey! Sakura looks alright!" **Naruto's defense of his teammate had him shooting off his mouth again. "Not everyone can be Granny Tsunade." He nodded his head, continuing when he should have stopped. "At least Sakura's looks are natural. Hinata's, too." That had the Hokage scowling, the vein on her forehead pulsing. Hinata hugged the curtain tighter to her.

"Ino's not the only one who suffered," Kiba said, walking over. "We _all_ had to hear Lee sing. Where is he, any way?" He was still smarting over losing the three-on-one match. He hadn't learned about the amanojaku's role yet.

"I saw a medical team bring him outside, over there." Shino pointed. "They think that he will be fine. He's exhausted and embarrassed. Little more." Those words fit him, too. That, and disappointed. His brief reign at the top of the singing charts had been a revelation. But, the effects of the liquor gone, the girls who had been showering him with undergarments had reverted to their normal standoffish behavior.

"Things were close," Sai remarked, joining the growing group. "The weapon came close to making _your_ nickname apropos for _him_." He said that to Naruto, before turning to Ino. "And your misconception about me."

"That's right!"Kiba's mood changed for the better, hearing that. He laughed. "She pulled down your pants, thinking she could sew your sausage back on!" That had Ino coughing. Tsunade had her hand on her forehead.

"It was very bothersome," Shikamaru said, strolling over and seeing the Hokage's reaction. "I suppose _I _should be the one to give you a full report later. At least on the things that happened in the Rec Center itself." He looked over at Ino with mixed feelings. He would have some difficulty sorting out his own feelings from those that had came by way of an outside influence.

"You know you liked it," Choji said in a downtrodden tone of voice. "At least _some_ of it." He looked over at Shino, jealous that his friend had been popular for a while, even if it had been a trick. He also would have given anything, if he had been in the closet with Ino. "I got to be a human wrecking ball." He would rather have been a love machine.

"There _were_ some good things," Ten Ten admitted. She looked over at Neji, who made a big show of ignoring her. But, he didn't have that usual emotionless look on his face.

**"Believe it!" **Naruto shook his head enthusiastically. He pointed to Hinata. She looked ready to faint, thinking that he was talking about seeing her naked. She began trembling, remembering how the demon had made her bend over. "I got to see Hinata in action!"

"I _bet _you did!" That was Kiba. As usually, he knew how to make things better.

"Hey! I mean fighting." Naruto looked at Hinata with a new found respect. His obvious admiration had her fainting. "She rocked. Big time." He looked at the unconscious girl for a moment longer, watching as Kurenai moved to help her. "And… I got to help Sakura wash her hair…." He said that with a mischievous smirk. Already, he had begun to focus on the amusing or pleasant things that happened during the ordeal. But, he wouldn't be surprised if Sakura showed up in his nightmares, intending to kill him. That had been some chase! No doubt, a pink-haired monster would show up in the dreams of the workers, too.

"Naruto… you…." Sakura put her hand to her head. It was still sore, where she had pulled some hair out. And, in a hurry she had been forced to cut off a number of strands that she couldn't untie. "You did a good job." She decided to change tack. It was her turn to make Naruto feel uncomfortable. "Maybe you could do it again some time." She looked down at her feet. All things considered, she might actually enjoy that. Add her to the list of people who needed to sort out their feelings thanks to Susubori.

Kiba whistled loudly. Choji looked over at Ino. Sai smiled his trademark closed-eye smile. Hinata, eyes fluttering as she woke up, almost keeled over again hearing Sakura's remark. The other girl was bolder than she was, without the demon liquor. But, she was not about to concede Naruto, not just yet. A lot of bad things had happened thanks to the demon; but, with its help, she might have found the courage to approach her precious person on her own terms.

"So, Pervy Sage…." Naruto stood in front of Jiraiya, hands on his hips. "Do you solemnly swear that you will take part in this contest?" He smiled. "Knowing that there will be severe consequences if you lose…." He would make those up as he went along.

"Yes," the Frog Hermit answered, even though it wasn't truly on his own accord. "I have nothing to fear. I will prove the righteousness of my cause by winning."

"In front of all of these witnesses…." Naruto waved his arm. A lot if the Sannin's previous 'victims' were crowding closer and closer, pushing on the wall of stressed ninjas and the Konoha Keimu Butai. "Do you promise that you are doing this of your own free will…." He didn't feel bad, knowing that his former mentor wouldn't be able to speak for himself. The hairy reprobate hadn't exactly given any of them a chance earlier. "So that you won't try to blame anyone else later?" The witnesses all looked at Naruto with knowing smirks. Dirty trick or not, they were all impressed by their fellow shinobi. He was, after all, acting on their behalf, too.

"Sure. Of course. Whatever." Jiraiya waved his hand in nonchalant fashion. Inside his mind, he fought the amanojaku's influence with every ounce of power he had. But, he was playing with a stacked deck. Being a Legendary Sannin doesn't make someone immortal or invincible. "Let's just get this over with. I have a new book to start." It wasn't exactly wise, saying that then. He didn't care. Whatever happened next, he would have a chance at vengeance later.

"So do _we," _Tsunade said. Catching her former teammate's eyes, she smiled a tight-lipped smile. Standing by her side, Sai had his pad out, a pen at the ready. Naruto's little contest would make up a big part of the work she considered commissioning. The remainder of the book would be an expose on the life and times of a certain perverted individual. "I bet it will be a best seller…."

"That…." The Frog Hermit squared his shoulders and made a rather disgruntled looking face.

"I suggest you save your strength for the contests, Ero-Sennin." Naruto looked practically giddy. This was going to be fun. "Anyone in the crowd can volunteer to take part." Civilians had left their homes, wanting to see what was going on. There was quite a gathering now. "Just raise your hands." He blinked rapidly when just about everyone did so.

As Naruto told Tsunade, Susubori had informed him that a number of Jiraiya's pranks and set-ups had been based on myths and legends from various cultures. The demon had suggested another legend, thinking that a clever human could find some way to make use of it. The Frog Hermit had gone Japanese, Egyptian, Greek, and Babylonian. For Naruto, the amanojaku selected something with a Scandinavian flavor. With the Hokage's permission, the boy had the spirit project knowledge of the story in question into the minds of everyone who had suffered through the demonic influence earlier.

_The norse god Oku-Thor set off with his goats and chariot, bringing with him his fellow _Æsir_, Loki. In the evening they arrived at a peasant's house and were given a night's lodging there. Thor slaughtered both animals, skinned them, and put them in a pot. When the meat was cooked, he sat down to his evening meal with Loki, the peasant and his wife, and their children. The farmer's son was called Thialfi, and his daughter Roskva. Then Thor placed the goatskins on the other side of the fire and instructed the peasants and his household to throw the bones on to the goatskins. Unprompted, Thialfi took hold of the goat's ham-bone and split it open with his knife to get at the marrow._

_Thor stayed the night there, and in the small hours before dawn he got up and dressed, took his famous hammer Mjollnir, raised it, and blessed the goatskins. The goats came back to life, as they always would, as long as their bones and skins were saved. But, one of them was lame in the hind leg. Angry, the god declared that the peasant or one of his family must have failed to treat the goat's bones with proper care. Looking, he saw that the ham-bone was broken. He was in his right to smite the group of them, then and there. However, when his fury left him, he struck a deal with the peasant, taking his children as bondservants._

Naruto frowned. He had learned a lot, training with Jiraiya. There had been good times, as well as bad. But, on many occasions, he had felt like a bondservant. And, there were numerous days that he had thought of his sensei as a big old goat!

"Hey! Naruto!" Kiba stepped to the forefront. "If you do a good job here, maybe Hinata will give you a kiss.

"You shouldn't joke that way," Shino said, not usually one to interfere with his friend's mischief. "Our teammate had been through a lot tonight." They _all_ had. But, for a girl as shy as Hinata, things would have been magnified tenfold at least.

"Ummm…." Hinata rubbed her fingers together. She spoke without thinking, influenced by her experiences that evening. "OK." Her eyes went wide. She was stuck now. It was her Ninja Way.

"Huh?" Naruto looked over at Hinata. Had he heard her right?

"What!" Sakura didn't sound too thrilled.

"And if she does _that_, Sakura will give Lee a big smooch." Ino knew that she couldn't speak for her startled friend. But, a little fun at her expense wouldn't hurt, right?

"**_Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h_**….." Out of sight, Lee had still heard everything that was said. The medical ninjas called for assistance, to make certain he stayed flat on his back, getting the care that he needed.

"B-… B-… But…." Sakura turned pale. She would do anything to help Lee get better. Anything but that! Flowers would be fine. Yes, indeed. Flowers. Just like she had done after his match with Gaara. No kissing! "No way." She narrowed her eyes. "Not unless Choji gets to kiss Ino."

"Guh!" Ino's eyes bulged. Looking over at Choji, she saw his eyes light up. "Forget I said anything!"

"_Hmmmm-mmm-mm-m_…." Naruto eyed Ino, and then Choji. He looked over to where Lee was resting.

"Don't even think about it," Tsunade said firmly. She had no doubt that Naruto was considering using Susubori's powers on the feuding kunoichi.

"Me?" Naruto tried to look innocent. He failed miserably. "But… I _could_ use it to get you that kiss from Ero-Sennin you always wanted…."

The Hokage didn't say a word. She didn't have to. The single finger she held up spoke volumes.

"It's not nice, boy… getting my hopes up like that…." The Frog Hermit grinned. He pointed down towards his groin area. "My hopes… among other things…." The look of disgust on his fellow Sannin's face had been priceless. But, deep inside, it still stung a little.

"Euwwww-www-ww-w…." A number of the girls spoke up at once, making faces.

"That was way too much information," Ten Ten said, sticking out her tongue.

_Thor and his companions left the goats behind and started on a journey towards Giantland, one which took them all of the way to the sea, and saw them crossing the deep ocean. Loki ,Thialfi and Roskva disembarked with him, and soon the travelers found themselves in a huge forest. They walked and ran all that day, finding that Thialfi was the fastest of the runners. When it had had gotten too dark to continue, the group looked for somewhere to spend the night, and came upon what they thought was very large building. There was an entrance at one end and it was the full width of the building. Setting up camp, they all managed to get some sleep, until midnight rolled around. Without warning, the ground began to shudder and the building shook. Thor clasped the shaft of his hammer and planned to defend himself. _

_When dawn finally arrived, the Thunder god went outside, coming upon someone laying a little way from him in the forest. Judging by the other's size, he realized what had caused the noises in the night. __The giant woke up, stretched, and got to his feet. Seeing Thor, he introduced himself as Skrymir and said 'But I do not need to ask you your name. I can tell that you are Thor of the Æsir. Were you planning to make off with my glove?' Thor knew then that the chamber and his fellow travelers had slept in was Skrymir's glove. When the giant asked if the god would mind his company, Thor said no. Skrymir went and undid his knapsack and prepared his breakfast, as did Thor and his companions in a separate place. When the giant suggested that they pool their food, Thor agreed. Skrymir tied up all their provisions in one bag and put it on his back. He went ahead during the day and took rather long strides. And then in the evening Skrymir found them a place to spend the night under a large oak tree. 'You guys can take the knapsack and get on with your supper,' he said, settling down to sleep and snoring like a thunderstorm._

_Thor took the knapsack and tried to undo it; but, even as strong as he was, he failed, making the strap even tighter. Enraged by his predicament, he grabbed Mjollnir in both hands and struck the sleeping giant on the head. Skrymir woke and asked if a leaf or a twig had fallen on his face, and then asked if they were done eating. Thor said they were just about to go to sleep. But, they were all too filled with fear to get a good rest. At midnight, Thor went and swung his hammer again, striking the snoring giant in the center of his crown, feeling the face of the hammer sink deep into Skrymir's head. His action merely caused the giant to wake and say 'What's the matter now? Did an acorn or something fall on my head? And what are you doing, Thor?' _

_Getting no answer, he fell back to sleep, and Thor vowed that his third attempt would be successful. This time, the hammer sank in up to the handle, but Skrymir simply sat up, stroked his cheek, and said 'Can there be some birds sitting in a tree above me? I am sure that as I awoke some rubbish from the branches fell on my head. Are you awake, Thor? It must be time to get up and dress. You don't have to travel far to reach the castle called Utgard. While I am by no means small, you will find much bigger men there. I will warn you not to act tough. Utgarda-Loki's men will not easily put up with cheekiness from babies like you. It might be best if you turned around and returned from whence you came.' With that, the giant left them._

Naruto sighed. It certainly wasn't easy dealing with giants, figuratively speaking. The Frog Hermit was certainly a giant among men in his own way. Looking over at the perverted sage, he wondered if the Sannin's intentions had really been good, as he had claimed. But, that shouldn't matter, _should_ it? Motive couldn't possibly excuse method, right? It was all so confusing, just like a story that had a god named Loki and a giant named Utgard-Loki.

"You're not having second thoughts, _are_ you?" Tsunade raised one eyebrow. She was standing there studying Naruto, trying to take his measure. She wanted to see if he had the courage to go ahead with things, acting against someone he cared a great deal about. She also wanted to see if he would show some restraint, or get caught up in the game.

"Huh? Me?" Naruto stood taller, practically strutting in front of his friends. Then, he sighed. Who was he fooling? "Maybe a little bit." Looking over at Jiraiya, he was shocked to see the older shinobi make a gesture with his hand that said 'Do what you have to do, boy.'

"Remember everything that happened," Sakura urged. She was feeling particularly guilty. While Lee had caused a great deal of the damage up above, the devastation down below had been primarily her doing. "That… I… you know what I mean…."

"I crapped in my pants," Choji said, remembering the shame he had felt. "Twice." He blinked rapidly. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to bring up. "Hey… I changed… both times…." He held out his hands when everyone took a few steps back away from him.

"My… ummm…" Hinata couldn't look Kurenai straight in the eyes. "My dance…." Naruto had missed most of that. But, he had seen more than enough at the end.

"Ino talking about my deflowering her," Sai put in, a quizzical look on his face. "I'm still not certain what _that_ meant." That had a lot of people whispering amongst themselves. Ino looked ready to strangle the clueless boy. "Are you still jealous?" That question was directed to Shikamaru. "After all, you spent a good deal of time alone with her in seclusion."

Shimakaru sighed and hung his head. It was too much trouble trying to explain everything. He didn't really care what anyone else thought, unless he was forced to keep answering the same questions over and over again.

"This will indeed be an interesting report," Tsunade said, wanting to shake the taciturn young man up a bit. Some times he was far too apathetic for his own good.

"Don't forget all of the erotic dancing," Kiba put in helpfully. "I know that _I _won't!" He grinned, looking around the crowd for certain kunoichi. "Heh… heh… heh…."

"Maybe you don't want to know, after all." Shizune brought a brief medical summary to the Hokage. Lee's injuries had been the most severe. Other than that, a small number of partygoers had bumps and bruises, but nothing worse than that. Unless bruised egos and embarrassing memories counted.

"Sounds like you guys had the fun part." A dusty and soot-covered foreman walked over to join the group momentarily. He had a rough estimate of the damages caused by fires and the workers' misguided attempts at stopping what they thought might be marauding enemy shinobi. "Although… you know… there's nothing wrong with watching a pretty pair of legs run past…." He swallowed hard when he caught sight of Sakura's face.

"Sakura-chan…." Lee's plaintive moan had everyone turning in his direction. He was back on his feet, but barely. Seeing him, Sakura immediately moved to the other end of the crowd.

Numerous people spoke out, reliving some of their most memorable slights and insults. Listening to them all, Naruto felt his resolve stiffen. He had to do what he had to do, Ero-Sennin or no Ero-Sennin. Besides, who knows what Kyuubi might do, if he didn't take sufficient action!

_Thor and his companions went on until they came across a remarkably tall castle. The mighty god was unable to open the gate, but they all managed to squeeze between the bars. Once inside, they made their way to a great hall. When they entered, they saw many giants, most of them a fair size, sitting on two vast benches. Approaching the king, Utgarda-Loki, they addressed him. The great giant smiled and said 'Am I wrong in thinking that this little fellow is Oku-Thor? I might have wagered that you would be much bigger! What are the feats that your party thinks they can perform? No one is allowed to stay here amongst us unless they have some art or skill in which he surpasses most people.'_

_Hearing that challenge, the trickster Loki spoke up, saying 'I know a feat that I am quite good at. There is no one inside here who can eat his food quicker than I can.' Hearing that, Utgard-Loki replied 'That would indeed be quite a feat, if you can perform it. We must find out.' With that, he called out to someone named Logi to compete with the smaller of the two Æsir. At his command, a trencher was fetched and brought onto the floor of the hall, where it was soon filled with meat. Loki sat down at one end and Logi at the other, and each ate as quickly as he could, until the two met in the middle of the trough. Loki had then eaten all the meat off the bones, but Logi had also eaten all the meat and the bones too, not to mention a good bit of the trencher. To everyone present, it was obvious that Loki had lost._

""OK," Naruto said, getting Jiraiya's attention. "You need only win one contest. If you do, Granny Tsunade will let bygones be bygones. But, every time you lose, she wants me to add another penalty."

"Alright. Whatever. I can beat you at anything." Jiraiya shrugged. "You, or _any_ of your friends."

"We'll see," Naruto replied, communicating with Susubori while he hid a smirk. "First up, the eating contest." He waved his hand. "Choji… over here…." He then asked some of the shinobi to bring him what he needed. Tables were dragged outside. Food was piled onto plates and over-sized platters. For the Frog Hermit, there seemed to be an abundance of unspoiled mutton and beef. He couldn't help but drool. "First one who finished, wins." Naruto gave the signal to begin. What he saw, and what his former mentor saw, were two different things.

"This should be easy," Jiraiya said, working a justu that he knew. He had hooked his esophagus up a giant toad's esophagus, one similar to the one that he had summoned to fight Kisame and Itachi. The food would go in through his mouth, and transfer to the stomach of the unseen toad. The chubby boy, on the other hand, had been eating all night. How could he possibly eat another bite? Immediately, he began shoveling food into his mouth without biting or chewing. There didn't actually seem to be any end of it. "But… how… it's not possible…." He dropped a half-eaten prime rib. Choji had picked up an entire platter, swallowing its contents faster than the eye could follow. Was that a secret Akimichi family technique?

"Bummer," Naruto said, patting the hairy old pervert on the shoulder. "You lose. Maybe you'll win the next one." He winked at the Hokage before making his pronouncement. "The penalty makes sense to me. You'll have to clean up all of the food that spilled during the party. The food… the walls… the fountain… everything…."

"You'll work at it as long as it takes," Tsunade said, impressed by Naruto's thinking. "If it takes days, you will work days. If it takes weeks…." She left that hanging. "After the Rec Center is back the way it once was, you can assist the city workers down below." She watched as the boy took a bow, after his friends all expressed their approval.

"But that…." Jiraiya clamped his mouth shut. They all had him over a barrel. There was nothing he could do, short of winning the next contest.

_Utgarda-Loki asked what talent Thialfi could perform, and Thialfi said that he would attempt to run a race against anyone Utgarda-Loki chose. Hearing that, the giant led them all outside, where there was a good running course. He called out to a small fellow named Hugi and bade him run a race with Thialfi. Run they did, and Hugi was soon so far ahead, that he turned back to meet Thialfi after finishing the race. Utgarda-Loki announced the winner, and then addressed Thor's bondservant. 'I've never had a visitor that ran as fast as you; but, you will have to do much better if you want to win.' With that, he called for a second race, which ended with Thialfi a good arrow-shot behind Hugi. A third race ended much like the first two did._

"Hope you have some good sandals there, Pervy Sage." Naruto grinned, putting one hand behind his head. "The next contest will be a race. Both contestants will run all of the way to the Ichiraku Ramen Bar. The first one there wins." He created a number of Bunshin and sent them ahead as judges. "Ten Ten. It's your turn. If you need any motivation, just think how much Ero-Sennin must have enjoyed looking at you in that Amazon outfit."

"You made a big mistake here, Naruto." Jiraiya looked very confident. It was true, he never ran where he could walk, and never walked where he could ride. But, he could move very quickly when necessary, especially when he employed a number of forbidden techniques. He would be able to beat any of the kunoichi without a single bit of trouble whatsoever. "One punishment is more than enough." He got down in a stance that would have made a track star proud.

"Hinata, I'll give you the honor." Naruto looked over at Hinata, who had been standing close to her sensei, looking rather withdrawn. "You can start the race by kicking the old hermit in the butt, or by saying 'Go'."

"Hah! Baka! I heard that." Jiraiya started running. If he had to cheat, so what. Naruto said 'Go.' No one could prove him wrong. Building up a tremendous head of steam, he caught sight of the waiting Bunshin. Piece of cake. "What the f-…." Something passed him in a blur. When he blinked, he saw Ten Ten waiting for him, waving cheerfully. He didn't put up any resistance when a pair of ANBU took him bat the arms and led him back to the starting line. He was too stunned, wondering what kinds of jutsu Gai could have taught that girl.

"Cheaters never prosper," Naruto said, admonishing the Frog hermit when he returned. "Here's your penalty. The carpenters and masons you will be working with have a lot of things to repair, thanks to you. That's hard work, and it will take up a lot of their time. While you help them, you will be their runner. Any time that they get hungry or thirsty, you will run to the restaurant of their choice and bring back what they want."

"On _your_ tab," Tsunade put in. The costs to repair the Recreation Center and the underground facilities would be staggering. This would be a nice way to put the old jerk's fortune to good use. "Oh… and while you're at it… you will _also_ pay the bill for the party that will make up for this little debacle…." Her eyes sparkled. "If you try to welsh on things, I'll speak to the other Kages. We'll put a lien against any of your future royalties."

"**That's highway robbery!" **Jiraiya looked incensed. But, there wasn't anything he could do, unless he wanted to become a missing ninja.

"Remember what you told me, once?" Naruto tugged on the hairy Sannin's sleeve. "If I ever decided to do something wrong, I better enjoy it, since things would eventually catch up with me." That had been a warning about slacking off instead of training, and a cautionary tale about messing around with wine, women, and wild oats. If anyone would know the price one might have to pay for that kind of thing, it was Jiraiya.

"I hate it when you throw my own words back at me." The Frog Hermit used his sleeve to mop the sweat off of his brow.

_The giant asked Thor which of his accomplishments it was that he would be willing to display before them all, saying that they had all heard a great deal about his mighty exploits. Thor said that he would be more than glad to take part in a drinking contest, with anyone that Utgarda-Loki chose. His host said that would be fine, went back inside the hall and called for his butler, and told the man to fetch him get the horn that the men at court were accustomed to drink from. The butler did as he was told, and handed the drinking horn to the Æsir. Utgarda-Loki then said 'This horn it is considered to be well drunk if it is drained in one draught, but some people drain it in two draughts. But no one is such a poor drinker that it is not emptied in three.' Hearing that, Thor looked at the horn critically, noting that it was very long, but not that big around._

_Thirsty, Thor drank with great gulps, stopping when he became short of breath. He couldn't tell much difference in the level of drink, and heard Utgarda-Loki say 'That was a good drink, and not excessive. I would not have believed it if anyone had told me that Thor of the Æsir would not have drunk a greater draught. But that's probably because you intend to drink it off in the second draught.' The god made no reply, and put the horn to his mouth, determined to drink a much greater draught. Again he gave it his best shot. But, if anything, he drank less this time than he had before. The giant scracthed his head and said 'What's the matter now, Thor? Are you holding back for one drink more than you will find easy to manage? Here among us you will not be reckoned as a great a person as the Æsir say you are, if you do not give a better account of yourself in other contests than you seem to be doing in this one.'_

_Angrier than before, Thor put the horn to his mouth and drank as hard as he could, struggling mightily. Never before had he come across a tankard that he couldn't finish with ease. After that, he handed back the horn, and said that he would drink no more. That had Utgarda-Loki remarking 'It is obvious now that your might is not as great as we thought. Do you want to have a try at more contests? It is clear that you are going to get nowhere with this one.'_

"Alright! Konoha two, Ero-Sennin zero!" Naruto was really getting into his role. "I thought you would have done better," he said with a jaunty shake of his head. "But… you always told me… never give up…."

"I told you a _lot_ of things," Jiraiya grumbled. "Showed you a lot of things too. Things any boy here would give his eye teeth for." He tried to stand more heroically. No one looked impressed. "There was a lot of hands on training, too…." The boy wouldn't get out of this unscathed. He would leave things like that, suggestive, even though that last comment really has to do with jutsu practice.

"Sign me up for Sannin training!" Kiba looked over at Naruto and gave him a salute.

"**_Ohhhh-hhh-hh-h_**…." Lee was still teetering on his feet. "Naruto… does that mean…." His eyes went very wide.

"The Frog Hermit is trying to shift the attention someone else," Neji opined. He didn't need the Byakugan to see what was going on. Looking over at his cousin, he saw Hinata let out a breath that she had been holding.

"That's right," Shino put in plainly. "And… remember… he was talking about Naruto…."

"Hey! There are a lot of stories I could tell you!" Naruto didn't like being written off in any way, shape, or form. But, once again, he spoke when he should have zipped his lips.

"Really?" That was Sakura. Her eyes were narrowed. Her nostrils flared. "Like teacher…." She glared at Jiraiya. "Like pupil…." Then, she shook her fist at her teammate. "We have to work on that!" That had everyone 'oooh-ing' and 'ahhh-ing.' Lee looked like someone tossed all of his beloved stretchy suits into a trash compactor. "That's… _not_… what… I… mean…."

"Time for the next contest," Naruto put in quickly. "Nice try, Pervy Sage." He motioned for someone to bring something over. To Jiraiya, it looked like a small gleaming metal bucket. "I had them fill this with sake. All you have to do is drink it all down. You have three minutes."

"You ought to know better than that, boy!" Jiraiya smiled. "Maybe this is just your way of letting me off the hook." He said that looking at Tsunade, hoping to make her suspicious of Naruto. "How many times have you seen me put away a lot more than that." He pointed at the bucket.

"Begin," Naruto said. He had to fight to keep from smiling. There was absolutely no way that the perverted old sage was going to win this one, either. After a minute, he checked on the bucket. "Hey! It doesn't look like you drank very much. After all that bragging."

"I'm… not… _done_… yet…." The Frog Hermit redoubled his effort. He wished that he could have kept his connection to the toad gullet. But, this was still something he should be able to accomplish with ease. He began thinking it might be some kind of genjutsu, but Susubori erased that conjecture from his mind without him knowing.

"I bet that Sai could do better," Naruto remarked, looking down at the bucket again. "Maybe even Hinata." That had the Sannin growling, tipping the bucket back even further, and sloshing liquid down the front of his robes. "Time! OK, let's see. You lose again…."

"It doesn't make sense…." Jiraiya looked befuddled. Putting a hand on his belly, he felt bloated.

"So," Naruto said, waving to the cheering crowd. "Penalty time." He rubbed his chin while thinking. "Ahhh! That's it. This one will _really_ hurt…." He looked over at Tsunade. She would approve. "Until all of the repairs are done, you can't have any alcohol to drink. Not even a single drop." Now that was a true punishment for the old sot! "This will help teach you about the evils of alcohol."

"Brilliant," Shikamaru said. Everyone agreed. Everyone except a certain pervert.

_Thor asked 'What game do you want to offer me now?' In response, Utgarda-Loki said 'What the young lads here do to show their strength, though it may not seem of great significance to one such as you, is lift my cat off the ground. But, I don't know if I should even mention that to you, seeing that you are a much less impressive person than I originally thought.' Not long after the giant said that, a grey cat ran out onto the hall floor, and it was rather large. Thor went over and placed his hands under the cat's midsection and tried to lift it up. But, as much as Thor pushed upwards, the cat arched its back. Straining with the effort, Thor tried again, but only managed to lift the cat far enough to have one of its paws leave the floor. Seeing that, Utgarda-Loki made another snide comment. 'This game went just as I expected. The cat is rather big, and Thor is short and small in comparison with the big fellows gathered here tonight.' Thor replied in anger. 'Small as you say I am, just let someone come out and fight me! Now I am truly angry!'_

"I hope you do better this time, Ero-Sennin. I'm certain that your loyal customers would be disappointed, if they found out their favorite author wasn't the man they thought he was." Naruto motioned towards Kakashi, who was sitting on top of another lamp post, one that gave him the best vantage point. He closed his _Icha Icha_ book and stashed it inside his vest. "You couldn't eat as much as I remembered. You didn't drink as much, either. I thought a Legendary Sannin would have some way to win a foot race, especially if he had a big head start." Catching sight of Yamato, he inclined his head politely.

"It's kind of sad, really." Choji actually perked up, glad to see someone else having a hard time of things. "Maybe if you lost a little weight…."

"Tsunade might be the only Sannin worthy of her reputation," Sakura said. She looked over at Shizune who nodded her head. Anko shook hers. Orochimaru had certainly earned his reputation, every black-hearted bit of it.

"**That's right!" **Naruto said. A mischievous glint in his eyes, he tempted fate by saying "Maybe we should have gambling night at our next party!" His fingers flipped the stone on his necklace this way and that. "We could all win big, if we invited the Legendary S-…." He didn't have the chance to finish.

"We… don't… have… all… night…." The Hokage did not look amused. "If this continues much longer, I may assign someone to help him." She looked over at the Frog Hermit, and then back at Naruto. He got her point.

"If there are no more delays," Naruto said. "Let's get on to the next contest. I've seen how strong you are, Pervy Sage. This is your chance to show every one else." He bit his thumb hard enough to draw a significant amount of blood. After working a series of hand seals, he slapped his hand hard against the cobblestones. A vast cloud of smoke appeared. It didn't look nearly as large to the troublesome old hermit. "All you need to do is pick him up off of the ground, completely."

"I don't believe I know that one," Jiraiya said, as the smoke began to clear. Rubbing his eyes, he saw what looked to be a sizeable toad, one about the size of a small pony. He didn't recognize any of the markings on the huge amphibian. "But… that doesn't matter… I should be able to lift it without breaking a sweat."

The Sannin tried multiple times, grunting, complaining, and finally swearing. He managed to lift the toad enough to pull one foot off of the street, but no more than that. Panting, he hung his head and muttered to himself, wondering what punishment Naruto would think up this time.

"You tried really hard, Ero-Sennin." Naruto nodded his head, truly impressed. "How about a round of applause for the famous Frog Hermit…." Everything went completely silent, except for the chirping of crickets. "Oh well…." He shrugged. "There was a story you told me once, back when I was trying to get some sleep, after you had me training for two days and nights straight. I can't remember the guys name; but, I _do_ know the story…."

"Great," Jiraiya said. "I can't wait…."

"He was the one put torches to the tails of three hundred foxes, and caused them to run through the fields and vineyards of his enemies, burning everything in their path." Naruto felt a sense of warmth behind his navel. It seemed that Kyuubi liked that image. "Later, when his people were about to hand him over to the angry enemy, he broke free and killed one thousand men with the jawbone of a donkey."

"Samson," the Frog Hermit said, recognizing the myth. He wondered just where the boy was going with this. His eyes widened. He couldn't possibly be thinking to….

"He fell in love with a woman. His enemies approached her, wanting to learn the secret of his strength." Naruto smiled. It looked like Jiraiya had caught on. "He foolishly told her that he would lose his strength if he lost his hair. She called her servants and had them shave away his seven famous locks. Because that broke an oath made at the time of his birth, his power vanished, and he was caught by his enemies." He turned to look at the girls and women in the crowd. A lot of them owed the Frog hermit in a big way. "I think it would be fair if each of the ladies you wronged had a chance to cut off some of _your _hair…." That made Naruto even more popular than before. At least, with the girls. Not with Jiraiya. "Seeing that you're weak already…."

"**That's ridiculous!"** The Frog Hermit almost broke free from control, this time. "Do you know how _long_ it took me to grow this magnificent hair?"

"I think it's very fitting," Tsunade said. "Seeing everything that the young women here had to put up with." She reached into her medical bag and took out a large pair of scissors used for cutting bandages. "If you put up any kind of fuss, we'll cut off _every_ hair on your body." She didn't sound like she was bluffing.

"I think you should give Naruto two kisses for that one," Ino said to Hinata.

"Don't listen to her, Hinata." Sakura looked like she would rather shave Ino bald.

"Let's stay with the program here," the Hokage said, sighing. She handed the scissors to Hinata. "You will get to cut off twice as much as everyone else. I get the impression that you suffered a lot more than the other girls. Go ahead and get things going."

Hinata had to be pushed from behind by Ino, Sakura, and Ten Ten. Standing in front of Jiraiya, she shook her head. A sensitive sort, she couldn't bring herself to cut the Sannin's hair, despite everything that he and the demon had caused her to go through. That is, she couldn't until Naruto called out encouragement, just the way that he had during her first match against Neji. Before she knew it, there was a growing pile of hair at her feet.

"Hey! Hinata! Leave some for everybody else." Naruto gave the shy girl a 'V' sign. That left her distracted.

"**O-U-C-H-!"** Jiraiya put his hand to his ear. "You almost cut that off!" There was only a small nick.

"There may not be enough hair to go around," Naruto said, looking over at the glowering hermit. "Somebody go see if they can find some tickets. I think we should hold a raffle."

Later, after the girls had finished pretending to be barbers, Jiraiya ran his hand over his head. He was a cue ball! Growling, he looked like he wanted to give Naruto a good thrashing, then and there. Shinobi in animal masks appeared in a flash, holding him back until Susubori could establish greater control.

"I can't imagine what the two of them must have been like together," Neji said to no one in particular.

_Utgarda-Loki replied looked over at the long benches filled with giants. Rubbing his nose, he said 'I do not see anyone in here who wouldn't think it demeaning to fight with you.' He snapped his fingers, nodding his head. 'Wait a minute. Someone call the old woman, my nurse Elli, and let Thor fight with her if he likes. She has brought down people who looked about as strong as he does.' Before long, a wrinkled old crone walked into the great hall. Utgarda-Loki announced that she was going to have a wrestling match with the mighty Thor. The match began. The harder that Thor strained, the firmer Elli stood. Then, the old woman started to try various tricks, and the Thunderer began to lose his footing. When the old woman pulled fiercely, he fell down on the knee of one leg. At that point, Utgarda-Loki put a stop to the wrestling, saying that there was no point in having Thor challenge anyone else there._

"So, you want to fight?" Naruto made a big show of rolling up his sleeves. Then he stopped, and scratched his neck. "It wouldn't be much of as fight. I'd have you pinned in no time flat." He actually knew better than that. But, it certainly sounded cool! "Seeing how poorly you've done at your other challenges, I think we should find you an old lady." He looked over at the Hokage.

"One more single word, and you will be back in the Academy." Tsunade's fingernails were digging into her palms.

"I think it should be Hinata," Kiba suggested, having gotten a telepathic message from Naruto by way of the amanojaku. "She's so timid and kind. If he couldn't beat her, he probably couldn't beat _anyone_." He scratched the back of his neck. "Besides… she's the one who cut off the most hair… maybe he wants to teach her a lesson…."

"Right." Shino pulled his cowl further over his face. "If that lesson goes as well as the other, I doubt that Hinata has anything to worry about."

"Normally, I wouldn't fight a girl like that," Jiraiya said, his pride stung. "But… it would be a golden opportunity…." He held his hands out at breast level and made squeezing motions. Even being as perverted as he was, he would never do that. But, anything that got inside the head of his opponent might provide him an advantage.

"I'll allow it," Tsunade said when Kurenai objected. "Hinata needs to learn how to defend herself outside of battle conditions." She made a sour face. "Who could we get that would make a more convincing lecher for her to practice against?" She made it a point to look over at Naruto, as if to say 'You better not have learned any bad habits from that pervert.'

Naruto gave a hand signal to both wrestlers. Crouching low, a sneer on his face, the Frog Hermit moved in for a quick take-down. But, before he knew it, he was sitting on his rump, chest aching. What had hit him? It certainly wasn't the Gentle Fist. Getting up, he brushed himself off, and when it looked like he was going to be afew moments more, he made a mad charge. Reaching for the girl's ankles, he felt something strike his head hard. He scrambled backwards. Putting his hand to his nose, he brought it back bloody.

"She's a lot tougher than I thought," Jiraiya said. He would have to go all out, throwing caution to the wind. "No more mister nice guy." Bald head glistening in the light from the street lamps, he moved so fast that everyone in the crowd lost sight of him for a moment. "Got you!" Just as he tightened his grip, he was sent skyward, tumbling end over end. He landed awkwardly and stayed down moaning.

"And the new champion of the Village Hidden in the Leaves…." Naruto walked over and raised Hinata's hand high when the Sannin made it back to his feet. "Hy_uuuu-uuu-uu-u-_ga Hinata!"

"So… what's it going to be this time…." Jiraiya asked. He figured that he had suffered the worst of his indignities. He was wrong.

"Well." Naruto put both hands behind his head and looked up at the darkened sky. "Let me see… you couldn't even beat a girl…." That had the kunoichi grumbling amongst themselves. "And… you don't always give women the respect that they deserve…." His eyes lit up. He smiled. The answer was simple. "I think you should walk a mile in their shoes." He chuckled. "While you are helping the workers, you should wear high heels." That brought a number of cheers and a loud 'Hell yeh!' Naruto rubbed his hands together. "And a dress."

"_**W-H-AAA-AA-A-T-?-!"**_ The Frog hermit stood, mouth hanging open, his hands twitching.

"He certainly has his moments," Ino admitted to Sakura.

"Shikamaru and Neji aren't the only geniuses," Choji said.

"Is that the last penalty?" Tsunade tried to hide a smile. She failed miserably. "I suppose that's enough… for now…." She also had to fight to keep from giggling. A woman her age, and keeper of the Tricorner hat, giggling? No way!

"So, you promise to see your obligations through to the end?" Naruto asked the old pervert.

"Yes." Jiraiya didn't have any choice. The amanojaku had command of his tongue.

_It was also now late into the night. Utgarda-Loki showed Thor and his companions to their places, and they spent the night there with hospitable treatment. When the morning came, and they were all dressed and ready to leave, their host appeared and had a nice table laid out for them. After a meal of good food and fine cheer, the travelers set out on their way, with Utgarda-Loki accompanying on the road out of the castle for a short distance. 'So, how did your expedition fare, then?' The giant asked Thor. 'Do you think that you came up against anyone stronger than you?'_

'_I know you will say that I am a person of little account,' Thor told his erstwhile host. 'That is what irks me the most.' Rather than look down condescendingly at the god, Utgarda-Loki smiled and said 'Now you shall be told the truth, since have come outside the castle, and will never enter it again. If I had known truly how strong you were, I never would have let you in to start with.' He continued by admitting that it had been him, in the guise of Skrymir, that had met him in the forest. 'I had fastened the knapsack with trick wire, and you could not find where it had to be unfastened. Each strike you made with your hammer would have killed me, if it had been me it struck. Instead you smite a mountain, and broke it down with your swings.'_

'_And the contests?' Thor now looked like he expected them to be tricks, too. 'Your companion Loki was very hungry and ate fast,' the giant replied. 'But the one who is called Logi was actually wildfire, and it burned the trencher just as quickly as the meat. Thialfi ran against Hugi, who was actually my thought, and there was no way that he could compete with its speed. When you were drinking from the horn and it seemed to you that it was going slowly, I swear by my faith that I thought I was watching a miracle! The far end of the horn was out in the sea, and while you did not notice it while you drank, you will find a lowering in the level of the ocean when you see it again. And, while it did not seem to be impressive when you struggled with the cat, we were all filled with fear when you managed to lift one foot off the ground. That cat was none other than the Midgard serpent in disguise, and that great beast encircles all lands. You reached so far up, that you came close to the sky. The wrestling was a greater wonder yet. You stood so long and fell only to one knee, when facing Elli, who was actually old age. No one will ever bring that down.' _

_The giant turned to leave. 'It would be best for both of us that you do not return here. I will defend my castle with similar tricks, and you will get no power over me.' When Thor took up his hammer and swung it in the air, he found that Utgarda-Loki had vanished. Deciding instead to destroy the castle, he saw nothing but a vast plain where the structure once stood. After that, they all returned home._

"Hah! I hope that will teach you, Ero-Sennin!" Naruto sounded as energetic as always. "Don't mess with me or my friends!"

"Naruto-kun…." Hinata had that hero-worship look in her eyes. She came close to fainting again, when Kiba reminded her about the kiss.

"So… are you going to tell me how you did it…." Jiraiya reached up to run a hand through his glorious mane, before remembering that it was gone. Susubori had removed most of the mental veil that had shielded him from seeing the truth. The demon would remove the remainder, as soon as Naruto was ready. "That would only be fair…."

"Sure!" Naruto couldn't keep the secret a second longer if his life depended on it. "It was great!" Everyone around him nodded in agreement. "What you thought was Choji, was actually that bonfire." He pointed over to where he clean-up crew had started burning some of the wreckage. "There was no way that you could keep up with _that. _By the way… the food you were eating… that was the stuff that they scooped up off of the floor…."

"Yummy," Kiba said, rubbing his belly. He laughed, seeing the look on the Sannin's face.

"The race you ran was actually against a kunai that Ten Ten threw," Naruto disclosed. "You weren't actually drinking out of a bucket, and that wasn't sake." He motioned over at a group of fire fighters who were standing by in case the fire got out of hand. One of them held up a fire hose with a metal nozzle.

"**_Ooooo-ooo-oo-h_**…. that was the funniest thing I ever saw," Lee smiled, his aches and pains forgotten for a moment. "I wish Gai sensei had been here to see it." It was certainly a classic moment. His teacher would be angry, realizing that Kakashi had witnessed things while he did not.

"You actually did a good job with the weight lifting," Naruto told Jiraiya. "Look behind you." The toad standing behind the Frog Hermit was a great deal bigger than that famous man had first realized. It was Gama Bunta.

"**YOU ACTUALLY MANAGED TO LIFT ONE OF MY FEET,"** the frog boss said. He blew out a huge smoke ring, pipe hanging from his massive lips. **"BUT… I THOUGHT YOU WERE A LOT MORE CLEVER THAN THAT**…." He discounted the power of Susubori, since his kind were immune to that kind of demon. "**I'M FINISHED HERE.**" Having said that, he disappeared in another cloud of smoke.

"I almost soiled myself again," Choji said. He had trouble believing that Naruto could summon something so humongous.

"Tell me about it!" Kiba looked a little rattled himself. Akamaru wouldn't believe a single word about any of this.

"And the wrestling?" Jiraiya looked over at Hinata. "It wasn't her, _was_ it?"

"Actually, it was…." Naruto smiled. "Not really. See that horse over there? The really big one, pulling the wagon." The workers were piling large pieces of debris on a large cart. "He got really pissed every time you tried to grab his rear end."

"I have to admit, that was all pretty good." The Frog Hermit was being sincere. He could appreciate a good prank as much as the next man. "But I'm not the only one to blame, you know." He was referring to Susubori.

"I know," Naruto said. "His punishment was reduced a bit, since he did such a good job helping me fool you." He wasn't about to say that Kyuubi still demanded an accounting.

"What else do you have planned for the demon?" Tsunade asked, after telling Anko to pass word that the shinobi and civilians should begin heading home.

"He'll stay strapped to Ero-Sennin's back for a long time," Naruto said. "Until he's heard every little detail of the Pervy Sage's life." He folded his arms across his chest. "In excruciating detail…." The demon was under Kyuubi's compulsion, just the way that Jiraiya would be under his.

That's almost too severe," Shikamaru said. "Almost." He shivered, remembering Ino's single-mindedness in the closet. She had been like a force of nature.

"You've all had your laughs," Jiraiya said to Tsunade and the others. "Now that I've realized the error of my ways, you can forget all that penalty nonsense, can't you? I'll be glad to do some kind of community service." He stood straighter and spread his legs apart. "I've looked after the best interests of this village for a long time. I've done things that no one else could have done. I've sacrificed a great deal." He cringed when the party room at the Rec Center collapsed. "And… tonight… I meant well…."

"That's truly touching," Tsunade said. All eyes were on her now. "But, you will end up teaching everyone here a very important lesson." She spoke to the gathered ninjas. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." The Hokage turned and gave her former teammate a stern look. "The punishment stands."

"I wonder if Akatsuki has any openings," the Frog Hermit griped. His shoulders slumped in resignation when Yugao and some of the other ANBU members led him away. There was no way that the Hokage was going to let him skip town. Her trust for the amanojaku went only so far.

"Well, we should all get going," Sakura said. She looked up at the lamp post. "Good night, Kakashi-sensei." That had the Copy Ninja smiling and waving with his book. "Sai… Naruto… let's go! Practice is early tomorrow."

"Wait a minute!" That was Ino. She knew very well why Sakura was trying to rush matters. "I think we can all agree that Naruto did a great job tonight… as shocking as that might seem…." She grinned, seeing Naruto's reaction. "And if I recall correctly…."

"**_Ahhhh-hhh-hh-h_**…." Lee remembered, too. "Hinata promised to give him a kiss!" He knew the subsequent bit about Sakura kissing him hadn't been binding. But, he could still hope, _couldn't_ he?

"But… that… she probably didn't mean…." Sakura looked over at Naruto, as if to say 'Just you wait, mister. If she kisses you, you're in trouble.'

"Wellll-lll-ll-l…." A number of people said that at once, all looking at Hinata.

"It's my Way of the Ninja," Hinata said, rubbing her fingers together. Slowly, she made her way over to Naruto, whose eyes had gone very large. She looked up into those eyes, wanting to find some courage there. She did. He looked as scared as she felt. Somehow, that made things a lot easier. Besides, it would be a quick chaste kiss. "Naruto-kun…."

The amanojaku had been severely chastened by Kyuubi, in a way that humans would never understand. But, being an imp of sorts, it could never truly change its nature, any more than a tiger can change its stripes. There was no way it could pass up this opportunity.

"Yeh… sure… it's no big deal… really…." Naruto swallowed hard. A lot had happened that night. After seeing Hinata naked, and having her chase after him, something as innocent as this should be easy, right? Not in the slightest! Especially with everyone watching. "I mean… it's _only _a kiss…." He swallowed hard again when Hinata tilted her head up and closed her eyes.

As Naruto bent over, vowing to be strong, Susubori took control. "Hinata… my dearest…." He swept the white-eyed girl into his arms, swung her around like a seasoned gigolo, and put his lips on hers. The kiss he gave her left all of the others girls swooning. Afterwards, he helped her stand back up. "Well… that takes care of foreplay…."

"**Naruto… you pig!" **Sakura's punch flattened her teammate.

"I think I need a drink," Tsunade whispered.

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_END_


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